how to approach the very afraid of the toilet child

[yawningmonster]

ok so I'm not so much worried that he is not in any way toilet trained yet but am interested in what has helped other little ones get over the fear. Ds will be 3 in September and we have really not pushed the whole toilet thing that much other than to say there is a stash of toys there for when you can do wees and poohs on the toilet, there are undies (which he chose) in the drawer and occasionally saying do you want a go if we (DH or I) have been to the toilet. Anyway he is terrified of the toilet/potty when related to him, loves the undies but no way is a pair going near him etc...so should we just continue to chill and he will come to terms in his own time or can we help him overcome this fear...he is very very very sensitive to new things

Chill and let him come to terms with it in his own time.

Ask him from time to time if he'd like to have a go at using the toilet, but back off if he doesn't. Putting pressure on him will only increase the anxiety and make things worse.

Relax - he'll get there when he's good and ready.

thanks that was my inclination wwb

get a cheap potty and put it in the toy box. Don't make a big deal of it but let him get used to it. Later on when he is used to playing with it you can go out for a new potty to being training with. It might seem extravagant buying two but not when you think a bag of nappies costs roughly the same price as a potty

join the club yawningmonster
DD got so upset about it all that I abandoned potty trainig. She talks about it quite a bit but I'm not going to push it - I can't face the tantrums.
She inadvertently did a poo in the bath a couple of weeks ago and is only just now consenting to sit down in the bath again (I bribed her with crayons you can draw in the bath with) - she was properly upset about it. The whole potty/loo thing seems to really scare her.

I am trying to relax. HOpe DS is well otherwise. And wasn't it a lovely day today!

thanks we do have a potty and his toys "go" on that all the time but he wont even sit on it fully clothed, he is not afraid of the toilet or potty themselves just of him using them...he usually says "Ill try that when Im a bit bigger"

HI!!!! Hows things, soooo glad to hear from you, yes we had the sneaky pooh in the bath resulting in bathtime terrors a while back. DS is well and it was almost spring today...what are you doing up at this hour, I was going to bed at 8.30 when I had a baby the age of your gorgeous ds.

obsessively playing flipping Scrabble on Facebook. I'm paying for it today I can tell you!
we have all been ill for weeks on and off now, I can't wait for Spring and hopefully an end to it

Will your DS sit on the potty with his clothes on? When I first started PT with my son I would sit with him whilst he sat on the potty, reading, watching Teletubbies, or playing with a game. He used to think it was his little seat.
After he was used to the potty he would sit on it without a nappy and we would get the occasional result and go crazy clapping and cheering. It was ridiculous.
The best times to actually get a result were after sleeping and after a meal, which is when most grown-ups go to the loo, so it made sense.
Does he go to the toilet with you? You could try showing him what you do and how it is normal and let him flush or whatever, perhaps it might pique his interest and hopefully accustom him to the whole thing.
You sound laid-back about the whole thing and I would certainly agree with you and the other posters that this is important.
Best of luck with it.

Hi thanks for reply, no he won't sit on it with clothes on, is happy to play with it, put toys on it, come in and talk to us while we are in there and flush for us etc, etc just not the next step but as you say we will keep chilled about it...was just curious really to hear stories of children who hated the whole idea and then woke up one morning 'ready' to give it a whirl or whether the parents in these cases did a gently gently leading towards less fear some other way

have u thought about buying a toilet seat for kids that you slot over your own(the big hole isnt as dauntingiyswim),.Also u can buy a step for dsso its easier for him to get on,remember that toiet is going to look big to him,try and make it fun as much as you can

yes we have both a toilet insert seat and a stool but thanks for the suggestions

I bribed my little boy to go on the 'big' toilet, because he had been OK with it, when held and then became very resistant. He was still fine with the potty, so I thought it was worth a try so offered him a cracker or something if he would just sit on the loo while I held him, and he did it.
He still doesn't sit on the loo very often, just stands on his step for pees, but at least I know that he will sit on it if we are out and about.
It does sound as if he is getting used to it, which is half the battle.
Just curious, but has he voiced a reason that he doesn't like the potty/toilet?

he either says I don't know or I'm not big enough yet. I usually list off all the "big boy" things he can do and that his friends can do and that they can also go to the toilet and he could to but to no avail. I haven't yet found a bribe good enough to get him to sit on toilet or potty there are all sorts in the box which he talks about regularly....
"I'm going to really love the monster trucks when I am a big boy and go wee and poohs on the toilet"
"Theres LOLLIESin my big boy box said in a voice of awe and wonder etc etc
He will even let his friends chose something out of it when they use the toilet here!

Aah bless! He sounds really sweet. Don't think he wants to be a big boy yet.
I'm trying to convince my ds to just pull down his trousers instead of kicking them in the air when he wants to go to the loo. He will be starting nursery this year and when we passed the building he told me that 'school is lovely', so I've been trying to convince him that he will have to just pull his trousers up and down when he goes to nursery. It's not really working yet.