Naps vs baby groups

[LJEmum]

My daughter is nearly 4 months and we havent been to any baby groups yet. I intended on 2 occasions to take her but she is a poor and somewhat erratic sleeper and both times I chose to let her sleep instead, as I felt this was better for both of us rather than attend the group with her tired and miserable.

There are no free groups in our area or nearby areas, so I can afford to only take her to the paid one's (£7-£10 per class) maybe once a week. But I can't find any that work with her 'sleeping schedule' and that's when she even sticks to it. I'm trying to work on the sleep issue with her, but my question is, I guess ( to get to the point) do others have this problem and how do you manage it? Or does everyone else's baby have a sleep pattern that just works with the baby group they go to? Ideally I would attend one mid morning, around 10/10.30 But all that I can find on offer are 12 midday starts, by which time she'd be asleep. I could in theory take her to a class no matter what, but she would be the tired moany crying baby in the room, and I feel it's a waste of time and money if that's the case as neither of us will enjoy it. I also feel like I need to prioritise sleep over classes as getting to go to sleep at a semi regular time, and stay asleep, is so flipping difficult right now. But I also want her to socialise with other babies, as it's wearing a bit thin now just being me and her alone.

I do take her to my sister, who has a baby 2 weeks older, once a week, and we do get outside of the house in other ways, just not not with other mums/babies. I'm not living near my family or friends so don't have anyone I know locally. Once she reaches 6 months I will hopefully start swimming lessons with her at our local pool, but that's still more than 2 months off. Hopefully by that time too her sleep pattern will be different allowing me to get to groups?

She seems to be reaching her milestones ok, and is even exceeding them in some areas, so I have hopefully not stunted her developmentally so far! Would it be so bad if we didn't attend any groups until she's older, or will that mean I'm creating a shy and anxious kid?

Subject:
Nap times & baby groups

Message:
My daughter is nearly 4 months and we havent been to any baby groups yet. I intended on 2 occasions to take her but she is a poor and somewhat erratic sleeper and both times I chose to let her sleep instead, as I felt this was better for both of us rather than attend the group with her tired and miserable.

There are no free groups in our area or nearby areas, so I can afford to only take her to the paid one's (£7-£10 per class) maybe once a week. But I can't find any that work with her 'sleeping schedule' and that's when she even sticks to it. I'm trying to work on the sleep issue with her, but my question is, I guess ( to get to the point) do others have this problem and how do you manage it? Or does everyone else's baby have a sleep pattern that just works with the baby group they go to? Ideally I would attend one mid morning, around 10/10.30 But all that I can find on offer are 12 midday starts, by which time she'd be asleep. I could in theory take her to a class no matter what, but she would be the tired moany crying baby in the room, and I feel it's a waste of time and money if that's the case as neither of us will enjoy it. I also feel like I need to prioritise sleep over classes as getting to go to sleep at a semi regular time, and stay asleep, is so flipping difficult right now. But I also want her to socialise with other babies, as it's wearing a bit thin now just being me and her alone.

I do take her to my sister, who has a baby 2 weeks older, once a week, and we do get outside of the house in other ways, just not not with other mums/babies. I'm not living near my family or friends so don't have anyone I know locally. Once she reaches 6 months I will hopefully start swimming lessons with her at our local pool, but that's still more than 2 months off. Hopefully by that time too her sleep pattern will be different allowing me to get to groups?

She seems to be reaching her milestones ok, and is even exceeding them in some areas, so I have hopefully not stunted her developmentally so far! Would it be so bad if we didn't attend any groups until she's older, or will that mean I'm creating a shy and anxious kid?

Are there no parent and toddler groups near you? Have a look at church halls etc. They usually only cost a couple of pounds and are more flexible with arrival/departure times than actual classes. I used to go to several of those, so that I had people to talk to, and baby often used to sleep through some of it in the buggy.

I don't think formal classes are necessary at that age.

Do you actually want to take her to baby groups or do you just feel as though you should?

I know that at 4 months DD and I were content pottering through our week with lots of walks, meeting up with my friends, meeting up with my antenatal group and their babies.

I have always sung and interacted a lot with DD and felt we had enough social interaction with our friends that going to groups wasn't necessary.

I also didn't want to tie us into a term's worth of some class or another that would tie us to being available the same day/time every week.

Sorry, I know this isn't what you're asking but think it's worth considering whether you really want to go to baby groups.

It's a luxury with a young baby that you can still do what you want to do, like meeting a friend for a coffee or going for a lovely long walk with baby in sling/pushchair. Once you have a toddler you have to tailor your social lives more towards the child, so I'm glad I enjoyed the baby phase while DD was willing to stay still for more than 5 seconds at a time.

There is a parent toddler group at a local church which is apparently really nice, but I've been put off going by the title...I.e. The toddler part, as she isn't a toddler. But maybe I should call them and find out if anyone else going there takes younger babies. Not sure what times that runs though.

I would to take her to a group, yes, as I'm just worried that by NOT taking her I'm setting her up to be a shy and anxious child around others. I myself was extremely shy and anxious right up until I was a teenager, so I have been keen to get my LO socialised as I don't want her feeling the way that I remember I did. But equally her sleeping is not great and I feel like I've got to pick between getting sleep (which she clearly needs) or going to a group

You're worrying too much (as new mums do!) but it really doesn't matter if you go or not. If you yourself are desperate for social time then go, but babies don't need it. I never went to groups and my two are happy sociable kids.

I wouldn't worry about getting a 4 month old baby to socialise.

Groups at that age are more for the benefits of mums to meet other mums, so don't feel you're depriving her of anything if you don't get to anything.

I remember going to groups and dd either breastfeeding or sleeping through them! I had a relaxed approach- I'd put her in the sling and head to the group if she was napping anyway. If she hadn't napped, she'd without fail fall asleep after, leaving me free to have a coffee and a chat with other mums after the group.

I remember meeting one mum who had her daughter on a tight nap schedule. She didn't want her daughter napping anywhere but her cot. It meant she travelled far to get to groups that fitted with her schedule. I remember thinking that sounded like a right hassle.

Definitely find out more about your local church group. I help to run a church based toddler group and we welcome all from ages 0-5. They'll probably have a section or area specifically for little babies. Those toddlers you're worried about often have little brothers and sisters who will attend playgroup with them!

Do not worry. Your baby is tiny. Focus on your routine with her. I've had 3 kids - the first was woken for groups and classes and if I had my time again I wouldn't do it. It was not for his benefit but for mine. The youngest was allowed to sleep and we fitted things around him.....much better idea. Your baby will be stimulated by you, by your sister and her baby, by going to the shops etc etc Once you are happy in a routine find a few groups that work for you. Do you have a surestart near by? They do sessions for a few pounds and they are drop in. Or an NCT group - often they do walks or baby groups again cheap and low key. Save your money until you have an active toddler that will really appreciate more expensive groups.

My DS is 17 months now and I've only started taking him to groups in the last month.

I don't think he would of got much out of going to them before now! And he is really confident and sociable with everyone there, so try not to worry about your baby not being sociable because you haven't been to any yet

Thank you all for your kind responses! Yes they do have surestart here, which had a baby group/class which fitted in perfectly for me, but they closed it down just after my baby was born. They've moved some of the sure start services to a new venue but not all, sadly the class has not been continued, which is a shame. Lots of the surrounding area sure start services have also been closed near to where I live.

I went to classes more aimed at me in the early days and then focused on groups for my DS when he was older. Are there any mum and baby exercise classes or organised walks etc in your area? That way if the baby is asleep it isnt a big problem but you both still get out.

I think you’re overthinking this. As others have said, groups at that age are for you not her. She will not be shy and anxious because you didn’t socialise her at 4 months! So if you’re happy at home, forget about them 🙂

If you would like to go, for you, why not just try one class even if the time is inconvenient? Worst case, it interrupts her nap and you know not to do it again. You might find however, that she naps in the car/pram on the way, wakes up for the group and is so stimulated by it she sleeps really well after! Mine sleeps beautifully after swimming and baby massage particularly.

Why do you need to wait TIL 6m for swimming? Most swim schools take babies from 6 weeks or even earlier!

It depends on your personality and how you want to work things, I’m not a routine person so my daughter comes with me wherever and whenever I want to go somewhere and might sleep on the way or whatever. I couldn’t be tied to a routine and have to be in the house 10-12 every day for example. But others really like their routine and feel their baby benefits from it, so it’s up to you.

Naps every time! I only started taking DD to groups once she was in a routine and I knew when she would be napping. She was never the sort of baby that would fall asleep on the floor during singing etc, so would just be upset if she was tired.

Even then, the classes were more for me to chat to other parents. DD liked the silk scarves and bubbles etc, but we could do that at home if I wanted. At that age they aren’t really interested in other children.

When she was about 16 months she started at toddler sense (next level from baby sensory) which was brilliant - she really enjoyed that and got far more from it from anything she did when she was much younger.

She's very young and probably won't get too much out of it at the moment however if you want to go then just go.It may do you good too.
I spent too much time arranging life around my first DC and tiptoed around naps and routines whether it suited or not. Even as an older toddler I would miss events we both would have enjoyed as I didn't want to 'disrupt' him.
I wasn't like this as much when my DD was born. She fitted in with what DS and I were doing to a greater extent and we did more things.

Under 1s don't need to socialise.
Groups / meetings / classes at that age are just for your sanity. Something to get you out of the house and meeting other people.

I second the suggestion of walking round your local Churches to find out who offers what. Most have changed names to 'stay and play' now (I too, pre-dc, assume you had to be toddling) - you'll find many are just there to provide parents and Grandparents somewhere to go / get out to, and charges tend to only be a couple of pounds.
Or ask on your local Facebook site - it is quite regularly asked on mine, and I'm amazed at the number of places that have groups - often only one day a week, but you can go to several if you choose to.

It's very very early days. Over time her naps will consolidate and become more reliable, and she'll start to get something out of interacting with other kids. For now, do whatever suits you. .

(And yy, church hall groups are the best - even if, like me, you wouldn't know Jesus if he bit you.)

I have never stayed home to let my kids nap. They nap in the car, pram, cot etc as that’s what they are used too.

I think groups are good for older babies and toddlers. I am not necessarily convinced activities are great for babies though me and ds2 did baby massage and baby sensory which he loved.

My oldest child wasn’t really taken to groups as we both worked and did struggle much more socially (still does). My nearly 3 year old has gone to groups and activities since a young age and is very sociable and outgoing. I think they played a huge part in this as his cousin off a similar age hasnt gone to anything and struggles socially with kids her own age.

Ds3 is still a baby and just comes to groups etc with us. I would like him to be as sociable as ds2 is.

I worried about this too. my advice would be prioritise sleep whenever possible. My dd had no interest in this sort of thing until nine months and her naps were at a completely different time then!

We went to a few classes - mostly so I could have a chat with other people! We've always had a bit of a routine but DS is (thankfully) flexible on where he sleeps so would nap on the way there (even if I had to set out 45 minutes early) or on the way back.

We did Baby Sensory from 10 weeks and most of the younger ones (mine included) were fast asleep for at least part of it.

Babies don't really socialise with other babies, so it's fine to take her along asleep, if she'll sleep in the car seat. They're more for you to meet other mums if that's something you'd like to do.

I think both of mine started to really interact with other babies around the age of one. By which time their naps are a bit different anyway.

If you want to go for the groups, try and find one that best suits you and go for it. You can usually try and tweak their naps that day to make sure they're awake. I started at 4 months before he really got into a routine and by luck picked a time that suited him! You sound like you've got a window sussed.

Otherwise, DS found a busy cafe just as stimulating as baby sensory. And you'll probably enjoy a coffee and a cake!