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Original poster

HELP! New baby is a cling on!

49 replies

oliveoil · 22/09/2004 14:02

dd2 is 4 weeks old on Friday and hates being put down. Hates the baby gym and her bouncy chair thing and cries as soon as she is put in them, to stop the minute you pick her up. Wouldn't be that bothered but I have a toddler who is nearly 2 and has cottoned on that whinging gets you cuddles so I now have 2 of them whining at me, getting a bit fed up with it.

dO they grow out of it or is there something I have to do to 'harden' her up? Seems a bit mean when she is so young though to withhold cuddles.

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Papillon · 22/09/2004 19:03

I am glad you came back Secur - I have just got out of the bath and was thinking of you and sent you well wishes so was happy to see you had posted. xx

handlemecarefully · 22/09/2004 23:06

Oliveoil,

Baby will probably remain a cling on for some time yet (my 5 month old has) but older dd will gradually adjust and it simply won't bother her much at all after a few more weeks (if my experience is anything to go by) - so hang on in there.

In the first few weeks of ds's life, 2 year old dd would try to wrestle him away from me, demand hugs and attention all the time and misbehave. However, she has just become more 'chilled' about it now, and whenever I do get the chance (when baby ds is napping for instance)I give her the attention rather than baby ds.

woodstock · 22/09/2004 23:14

It seems as if I carried ds in the sling almost constantly for the first 8 or 10 weeks. It was the only way. You can really do almost anything once you get used to it. He is now one and not a clingy baby at all so I don't think it creates issues like that down the road.

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eyelash · 23/09/2004 04:37

oliveoil - I am due next week with ds3 and found the sling fantastic for the first couple of months with ds1 and ds2 as well. Can also sympathise with toddler issue as had exactly the same issue. I found getting out everyday for some fresh air helped as did going to playgroups/coffee mornings where ds1 could play with other children and some different toys. I also where possible made sure that when baby was asleep, ds1 had lots of attention. Not easy and very tiring but worth the effort.

I am also reading a book at the moment called 'The happiest baby on the block' by Dr Karp. I feel really comfortable with his methods of calming particularly sensitive babies and will certainly be giving it a go with the new baby. My sister's friend used it and it supposedly transformed her life overnight. He advocates the 5 'Ss' which stand for swaddling, shushing, sideways hold (for calming not sleeping), swinging and sucking. His methods are child centred as they seem to support the transition from the womb to the world and he constantly makes reference to the fourth trimester. Amazon has some reviews of the book on its site if you are interested.

sibble · 23/09/2004 05:31

hi oo, sympathies and a vote for a sling coming from here too. ds2, now 6 weeks old is very clingy and i find poppong him into the baby bjorn the only way i can get anything done, especially first thing in the morning when trying to make ds1's breakfast, lunch etc. ds1 is slightly older, 4 years, but is fine with the sling, he seems to understand we can 'do things' when babe is in it. with a 4 year old i am going against alot of what i said i would never do in a bid to keep everybody happy, keep noise levels down and maintain my sanity which involves using the sling heaps, even to go to the loo and sleeping with baby. not sure what is right but i do feel for you.

secur · 23/09/2004 09:02

Message withdrawn

hewlettsdaughter · 23/09/2004 10:22

Hi oliveoil, my dd was very clingy to start with and I made the decision to go with the flow (sling, co-sleeping for the first 6 weeks etc). I honestly believe this was the best way for us to get through the first few weeks. It does get better - my dd (now 5 months) has just woken up behind me (she's in the pushchair) - but she hasn't cried out for me yet (she's playing with her fleecy blanket).

MarmaladeSun · 23/09/2004 10:42

Oliveoil. IMO just do what she wants! If she wants to be held, then hold her. If she wants to be fed, feed her etc. Yes, it takes up your whole day but it's not forever and if it makes you less stressed because you're not always thinking that you SHOULD be able to put her down then it can only be for the good. If you can retain a sense of humour and shrug and just accept that for now that is the way it must be then believe me, you'll feela lot happier. I also don't believe that it makes for a clingy baby later on...on the contrary I think (and have also read) that it makes them more independent as they know that they are safe to venture off knowing that Mummy is there to pick them up should they need comforting. Does that make sense?

Original poster

oliveoil · 23/09/2004 10:54

thanks evwerone, am typing with ome hand as greedy is feeding againe - am typing like codswallop

had a crap evening yesterday when she wouldn't settle amd dd1 was trying to smack her all the time but today - drum rolllllll - dd2 lay under the babt gym and cried for a bit but then went to sleep so hopefukly thinhs will change.

secur/pap - i am fed up but dont think i have pnd, post whatever you want no offense taken by me.

OP posts:

secur · 23/09/2004 10:57

Message withdrawn

Original poster

oliveoil · 23/09/2004 10:59

think you would get a diff answer from dh, i am always sobbing when he gets in fro m work, poor man wonders where his wife has gone.

OP posts:

Papillon · 23/09/2004 11:06

Yes I remember those days oliveoil and being totally obsessed with baby paps not sleeping!

So any further thoughts on getting a sling? I am a confirmed devotee

Original poster

oliveoil · 23/09/2004 11:09

i am going to keep trying her in the chair and leaving her to cry for a bit - like seconds, am big softie and listen to it fot long.

will yoy look at my typing, is disgrace, will have to get sling to doi mumsnet

OP posts:

Clayhead · 23/09/2004 11:09

oo, the sling was the thing for me (oooh, catchy!). ds lived in it from September to Christmas last year, I had a 20 month old dd too. Two clingons in a row...

Keep chanting, IT GETS BETTER!

ds is now one and they play so well together now. I was you this time last year!

Original poster

oliveoil · 23/09/2004 11:12

cling on has fallen off the boob so i am going to try and get some kip, thanks forr the support everyonr.

OP posts:

secur · 23/09/2004 11:13

Message withdrawn

Northerner · 23/09/2004 11:14

Hi OO. Sorry to hear your feeling so crap atm.

I thought of you last night - saw Terry Christian on TV. He's on the new 118 118 advert. Bag of crap that is too!

MarmaladeSun · 23/09/2004 12:14

Hi. just to add that the sling saved my sanity too, but aftera couple of weeks with the normal front carrier my shoulders were suffering so I got one of the ones I think Papillon was on about...the big swathes of cloth. It's very ethnic looking, and invites loads of comments as the babe looks so snug in it. More importantly, as it distributes weight across your whole back it's so much more comfy. HTH

Socci · 23/09/2004 12:43

Message withdrawn

Judd · 23/09/2004 12:45

Just wanted to pop on and say thank you for the "IT WILL PASS" rally cry! Came just at the right time for me...

Also, what's the Terry Christian connection? He must live near me, son is at pre school with DD.

fruitful · 23/09/2004 13:41

Haven't had time to read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating anyone. DD was a clingon, which was ok (ish!) as she was all I had to do. I'm praying that no2 will be one of those content babies that lie around watching the world go by, and drift off to sleep when they feel like it .

Things that helped with dd - bouncy chair in front of the washing machine (when it was on!). And bouncy chair in the bathroom while I showered - she hated the chair the rest of the time though. Liked her battery-operated baby swing. The Baby Mozart video was a godsend, from about 4 weeks. From around 6 weeks she started getting interested in the baby gym, IF there was some annoying plinky-plink nursery rhyme music going as well.

DD stayed clingy (or attention-needy at least - she was never bothered about who held her - a complete stranger would do) until she could crawl. Then she went all independent on me. Yesterday she cried as we left nursery, begging to go back. They're supposed to cry when you drop them off, not when you pick them up!

swoody · 23/09/2004 20:31

Hello
My number 1 was v cryey -and my number 2, 3 weeks old is v clingy and I am now suitabaly knackered!! with the first one after a while I would let him cry for a bit (this was last year when beautiful sunny weather so I would sit in the garden and look at the monitor going some and pop in afer 10-15 mins and he would go back to sleep. Never v intereesed in babygym etc and would have to hold him lots -as soon as could sit up a different baby!! muhc improved. With the new one, during the day if he is clingy after a feed and I put him back in the pram and he cries I vacuum (the house is looking spotless!!) it works a treat and he goes straight to sleep -haven;t worked out how what to do at night -last night finally went off after an hour & a half from 1am feed.. and when he woke up again for second feed 5.45 bought him inot bed for feed and we both slept like babies should! But the night time clingy is v tricky and tiring... any top tips gratefully shared.

bambi06 · 23/09/2004 21:01

i know this is NOT recommended but the only way my cling-on daughter would sleep was on het tummy..even in the rocking chair ..god knows how but if i put her on her tummy she instantly soothed and that was it , at night she would cry if she rolled back over so i wedged a blanket behind her.. thank god she didnt have a cot death but desperate times!!!

kbaby · 24/09/2004 11:45

I had a cling on. Shes now 17 weeks and much better. For the first 8 weeks off her life I couldnt put her down, she cried everywhere and hated everything. Also didnt like the sling so it meant I had to spend my days sat on the settee with her or trying to make myself a one handed cup of tea. Because she was my first I hated to leave her cry and so if she cried I ran to her and picked her up. Couldnt have a wee or anything inpeace. I used to cry every day through tiredness and feeling so helpless. I used to hate taking her in the pram as shed just cry and strangers would stare as if I was a horrible mum.
It didt help that she wouldnt sleep unless being held. From about week 8 things got better and I realised that she hadnt cried for 2 days. Shes quite a happy baby now and likes spending time under her gym or bouncy chair. I dont know why it suddenly changed it certaintly wasnt through anything I did. She still doesnt sleep much on her own if shes not held but I make sure we get out and about ie pubs/cafes where I have to hold her and then it doesnt seem so bad. Now I can honestly say that when not tired I have a baby who can entertain herself. Still have the sleeping to sort out mind!
Ive also found that bringing her into bed with me in early mornings helps us both get much needed sleep.
cat me as I really do understand how you feel.

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