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Original poster

When will it get easier?

10 replies

Trickedia · 14/09/2019 18:28

Hi, currently struggling a bit. We have a just 2 year old, and a 3 month old. It’s hard bloody work to put it short. The days just feel like one long slog until the battle (with both) at bed time, meaning we usually don’t sit down till gone 9pm in the evening, & the kids are up through the night, & early in the morning.

Neither of them are bad kids, but combined there always seems to be someone crying. 3 month old doesn’t like being put down, ever. 2 year old wants your undivided attention too.

Please tell me it gets easier, soon!? Some days I just want to run away some where silent Sad This then makes me feel terrible on my kids, they’re so loved & I am trying my best. It all just feels a bit overwhelming at the moment.

Any wise words?

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Kingtiger101 · 14/09/2019 19:18

I have the same age gap. It’s so hard I know. My youngest is 9 months now and I think it’s just starting to get easier. My eldest has only just started at a nursery and only a couple of mornings a week so I’ve had both all the time. And my youngest is a shit sleeper! So I know how hard it is.

My eldest is 2.8 now and is dropping her nap. It’s helped as she’s asleep so much earlier in the evenings and my 9 month old has a more reliable schedule and cot naps.

Hang in there! Things that have helped me:

  • CBeebies is your best mate!
  • when eldest was napping I tried to coordinate naps to get a break for myself
  • good parent & toddler groups. I go somewhere every morning and it’s so much easier than home as there are people to help me.
  • making sure me and DH each get a couple of hours to ourselves every week. Ok it doesn’t happen every week but it should!

You can do it and it will get easier I promise.

Kingtiger101 · 14/09/2019 19:22

And you’re finding it overwhelming because it is overwhelming. I have found it so hard and exhausting.
But we’re getting some cute moments now where eldest makes youngest laugh and stuff like that. In the meantime CakeBrewWine

Original poster
Trickedia · 14/09/2019 19:30

Thank you for that @Kingtiger101 Smile I need to get back into groups, went a lot before second child was born but we moved area shortly before so everything combined has meant we haven’t found any locals ones yet - but you’re right it breaks up the day a bit!

So glad I’m not the only one (not glad you struggled too) but sometimes you just feel like everyone else is doing great & you’re the only one finding it difficult.

6 months feels forever away 🙈 although I realise it’s not! Ahh one day at a time, & yes copious amounts of food & wine in the meantime 🤣

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Lindy2 · 14/09/2019 19:40

It is bloody hard and it does get easier.
I had a similar age gap and my 2 year old was a real handful.

  • Have you tried a sling for baby? Mine wouldn't be put down but was very content in a sling. It at least meant I could do things like make a cup of tea or a sandwich without her crying because I put her down.
  • Several recorded half hour episodes of my 2 year old's favourite tv shows was also quite a lifesaver. She would sit and watch tv whilst I fed baby. She did watch too much tv for several months but it helped me cope.
  • Go to bed when the kids go to bed. You don't need to try and have an evening together when you are shattered. Get some sleep instead. It won't be like this for too long but when you have a 3 month old and a toddler, you need sleep, not tv or chat.
SittingAround1 · 14/09/2019 20:08

I found it exhausting as well. It didn't help that my second didn't sleep reliably through the night until 14 months.

It got significantly easier when the second was around two years old. They could then both run and play together.
You just need to get through it as best you can, I felt like a rubbish mum as well. I was mainly just so so tired.
We coordinated afternoon naps; straight after lunch. We went out every day, mainly to the park.
The older one also went to nursery four mornings a week, which broke things up and helped enormously. Dinners were very simple, scrambled eggs, cut up tomatoes, yoghurts etc...

I agree going to bed earlier might help. We didn't have any evenings free for ages and needed to sleep before the 1-2am wake up. My relationship with DH was practically non existant.

I'm so glad I had two close in age though, they're really close and keep each other entertained a lot. You'll reap the benefits later.

Original poster
Trickedia · 14/09/2019 20:16

Thanks all for your advice & experiences. Just knowing I’m not alone in feeling like this has made me feel tons better Flowers

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Kingtiger101 · 14/09/2019 21:02

And when I said me and DH get a couple of hours to ourselves I meant he takes the kids out for 2 hours so I get some time and then vice versa! Time as a couple is not happening!!!

Kingtiger101 · 14/09/2019 21:03

And I second a sling. I was cooking dinner with dc2 in a sling some nights!

Original poster
Trickedia · 14/09/2019 21:18

We do have a sling, gets a lot of use 👍🏼

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RoomR0613 · 14/09/2019 21:19

It gets better!

I now have a 14 mo and a 2.5yo and the first year is just a horrific blur. But when the youngest was around 12mo there was a turning point where things got easier and they keep getting easier every week.

I would have really struggled without a sling though.

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