What have I done wrong- nightmare 21m old

[avocuddl]

Just been to a play date round my friends house. My dd wouldn't share, was hitting and pushing and generally not being very nice at all. We ended up leaving because she just wouldn't play nice.

Get home and she has a meltdown because I shut the door. Then because I made her lunch. Refused to sit down and eat so I took her to bed. She's hysterical and won't settle. Ended up giving her lunch in her room to try and calm down. Just feel like a total failure 😔 she won't do anything she's told, everything is a battle.

What should I do?! How do I make her be kind to other children??

Honestly, it sounds totally normal for this age group. It's all just a phase.

She's only little. She's in a different location to her, playing with new exciting toys. I can see why she wouldn't want to share tbh.

You did the right thing in coming away but it sounds a mixture of being overwraught (sp?), maybe tired and hungry. Write it off as a challenging day and try again with a shorter visit another day or a trip to a neutral space like the park.

Developmentally they dont know how to share or have empathy for others at this age. You have done nothing wrong, it's normal for her age. Please don't worry, it will pass, it's just a phase. Keep modelling good behaviour and try and ignore the bad, whilst keeping your boundaries in place. Testing the boundaries helps them feel secure.

Thanks for your responses - she's worse when we have people over. She's so protective of her toys etc and won't share then either.

I'm sure it's a phase but it's horrible being the mum of the horrible child that's pushing and making other kids cry!

Try agreeing with her toys that she doesn't have to share and toys that she will "Timmy is coming over to play this afternoon. I know that Penny is a special doll to you, so we'll put her in mummy's room to keep her just for you to play with. Do you have other special toys you want to put away? These are the toys that you and Timmy will be playing with together, won't that be nice?" etc.

You see this sort of thing talked about on here around Christmas when people have guests and children have new toys they don't want to share. She doesn't have to share everything, but maybe keep some certain toys, blocks, toy tea set etc. that only comes out to share with others, so things that are special to her can be kept away.

Sounds completely normal. Play dates at houses are really tough til probably about 4! Meet at a park or playground. It’s much easier. But yes, all sounds pretty normal. They don’t really play with other children at that age and meltdowns because they got offered a drink in the red cup instead of the blue one happen a lot. It gets a bit easier as they get more verbal and you can explain things to them.

My DD was exactly the same. At 25 months she’s getting better now with kids she knows (eg. Friends from nursery) but it’s still far less painful to go to soft play or nursery where they understand everything is shared. Don’t feel bad it’s completely normal! And they tend to all go through this phase

It'll get better, I've got a hair pulling, hitting toddler and it was horrendous 18months - 2 but we are now starting to get somewhere with it (he's 2 and 2 months) We still have incidents every time but it's not constant.

Sounds totally normal. At that age ime it was 50/50 whether a play date would be ended early due to one of the kids losing their shit! Best response is to stay calm and in control of yourself. Getting upset and angry yourself will only make things spiral downwards. Deep breaths and leave the room for a minute if you have to. It does get better.