bedtime - young baby

[Catz]

I'd be grateful for any tips on bedtime for a young baby.

DD (my first) is 3 1/2 weeks old. At the moment we're not doing any routines, we're just doing what seems best at the time though I'm thinking about trying to put some structure into her day gradually and at her pace.

One thing that's concerning me is bedtime. DH tends to get back from work about 6:30. At the moment she stays downstairs with us in the evenings (in carrycot if she'll sleep, on us if she won't) then all 3 of us go to bed around 9:30 and we watch DVD/chat next to her for a bit. This is probably a terrible thing to do... but she seems happy and DH sees her. However, we can't do this for ever and most of the books seem to recommend putting the baby to bed around 7. If we do that then DH will only really see her at weekends and whilst I'm trying to get her to sleep in the evening. (Not even thinking what we'll do when I'm back at work in 8 months).

How do people deal with bedtime for young babies and make sure that they have time to see any partner who is working?

Thanks for any tips

What time does he leave in the morning?
You may find that if she goes to bed earlier, she'll wake up earlier, so he can have some jolly time with her first thing in the morning before he leaves. And you get to have a bath.

Hi Catz,

My dd is only 5 months so I'm no expert! If you're all enjoying DD staying up, I think that's great. You could wait and see what pattern DD gets into, rather than worrying about setting a routine. Some older babies have a late afternoon nap and then go to bed towards 8pm rather than 7.

My partner often works late in the evening, and so doesn't see dd a lot then. However, this is an incentive for him to help with the night wakings, as he hasn't seen her all day (he honestly volunteers!). Perhaps your partner could do this, or get up early to help get dd washed and dressed.

I'd keep doing what you are doing for now. It sounds fine and you are just responding to you lo.

As she gets bigger she will probably start to develop a routine of her own, during the day you will learn her tired cues better and be able to respond to them, in the evening you could start to think about a specific bath time/change into sleepsuit time that will start to be part of a bedtime routine.

As LaDiDaDi says - just carry on with what you are doing.
A routine will start to form in it's own time as she gets older.

Sod the books. Get a good routine going at a time that suits you. It need'nt be anything major, just where she gets her PJ's on has last feed etc, then you can adapt it as she grows. And your DD is still at an age when she will sleep lots in the day so it wont hurt if she does stay up an hour or so after DH gets in to spend time with him. Perhsp his arrival could trigger a nice slow and cosy bedtime routine?

Our beditme routine starts as soon as I am in to door - about 6.45am. DD 4 and DS 7 months on to our bed get undressed have bath, come back on our bed get dried, ready for bed. Story or puzzle with DD while she has her hot chocolate and DS his milk. DS normally falls asleep during this, but either way is put to bed when he finishes his milk. DD takes herself off to bed shortly after and plays until she gets herself in to bed. Sometime no play at all other times 30 minutes.

Activity based routines, as opposed to time based routines are great as children get the security of them, but you are flexible with when they happen.

Hi Catz and congrats on your new arrival! I was sooooo worried about bedtime when my DS was this age... we didn't take him to bed until about 11. We didn't really have a proper bedtime routine til he was 10 weeks or so (can't really remember) although from day one we had a mini-routine of putting him into sleepsuit and having last bf, so when he was old enough we introduced bathtime as well and now that's his routine.

As for timing, I wouldn't worry about it til LO is spending much more time awake in the day and having regular naps, then you will see what time she needs to go to bed. (Eg my DS can stay up about 3 hours from the end of his last nap then needs bath and bed.) DOn't worry about what the books say, you and LO will find your own routine as you go. If it does turn out that she suits an earlier bedtime, perhaps your DH can have some time with her in the morning instead, while you have a leisurely bath or breakfast etc?

Thanks for the replies that's very helpful. We're going to try the bath/change routine and I've been encouraging DH to think about the amazing bonding experience he can have at 3am!

Many thanks

i must say that babies so young dont have a concept of a routine.....my dc where at least 8 weeks old before any routine kind of kicked in....they are still demand feeding at that age and always need changing so just take it as it comes really

My DD is almost 5 months and doesn't go to bed until at least 10pm

Yes, by bathtime/change routine I mean giving her a bath (if she's due one) and getting her sleepsuit on when DH is home and before we eat as people have suggested below so that she's ready to go down when she's tired with the idea that this evolves into a bedtime routine as she gets older (at least that's what I've understood people to be suggesting)

So do people here generally put their tiny ones to sleep at about the same time they'd expect them to go to sleep when they are older babies? With DD1 I did the same as Evenhope and put her to bed at about 10pm, when we went to bed - with the thinking that little ones can only have one decent stretch of about 5 hours in any 24 hour period (this is what I read and seemed to be the case with DD1 but don't know if that's true for other babies?!) I didn't want her having her long sleep-stretch from 7-midnight. But DC2 is due in a month and now I'm wondering whether to try putting them to bed at the 'proper' time for an older baby, of about 7pm, in the hopes that s/he might get into that routine easier than DD1 did.

We always took the baby up with us. I preferred to keep them where I could see them and it just felt right.

I didn't put dd to bed, as in upstairs, til about 10 weeks, by which time she was more wakeful in the day and winding down to bed felt right. My DP also then never really saw her - tho will get up in the night, but never the morning. Eventually she needed her bed time, and DP's working pattern (home at 8pm or later) is apparently not going to change, so I made the break whe I and she were ready.

I think you're doing just right for now.

I used to bath/wash and dress DD in nightie after DH got home at half 7ish(so he could help!) and then put her down in the moses basket or pram next to the sofa and took her up at 10 or 11ish when we went to bed.
Then when she was about 9 or 10 weeks I just moved it upstairs and gradually got earlier and earlier until she started going to bed at 7 at about 6 months. She woke twice a night but it meant I used to get a couple fo hours alone with DH!

I agree there's no point in trying to 'impose' times on her; She will sleep when she needs to and wake when she needs to.

What I would do, what I did do with ds, is start a bedtime routine in the early evening, eg, wash or bath, nappy change and into sleepsuit for the night, then feed, then into moses basket. As it happened from about 3 weeks/4 weeks old ds slept quite happily after this evening feed, and within a very short time that was his set routine; he just did not wake during the evening.

So I took that as my cue, and started to put him up to bed when he dropped off in the evening; he slept like a top and I got a whole, blissful evening to myself/DH. I'd had a traumatic labour and birth and this baby free time was just heaven for me.

So I say be led by them but as soon as you identify a settled period, why not make that bedtime and see how it goes....but don't sweat it, if it doesn't work keep to how you are, you all sound happy!

throw the books in the bin. Follow the babies lead. There is nothing wrong with sitting on the sofa and watching dvds with you imho, she will sleep when she needs to and when she is bigger she will fall into her own routine. DS 9 months now goes to bed about 8.30ish. We have never imposed a routine and he sleeps beautifully.