How to cope in the evening with 2 1/2 yr old and 2 month old??

[SamN]

I've spent the past two months muddling through but evenings are really the most difficult part. Ds2 is feeding roughly every 3 hours, but that gets more frequent in the evenings, and he seems to want more attention too, even if he's not feeding. Ds1 is understandably pretty jealous of the attention the new baby is getting. What with feeding and trying to cook dinner (nothing fancy AT ALL although I usually really like cooking) I feel like I'm not giving Ds1 very much time before I say 'right, choose your story and then it's off to bed'. (He only gets a bath on Sundays.)

Anyone who's managed to get a good evening/bedtime routine going at this time, please let me know how you do it!

Sam

Hi Sam - have you got any help at all at around tea time? I've got a 2 1/2 year old and 5 month old who had dreadful colic as a little baby, and the best evenings were the ones when my Mum came round at 6pm and took the baby away for an hour so we could have a peaceful tea with the toddler!

When I've been on my own with them, I've just had to accept that the baby's going to cry - and sometimes leave him in a different room while the older one eats tea (quickly!). Then I've bathed the older one (has a bath every night) and put baby in his cot with his musical mobile on - he either screams through it, or sometimes falls asleep for 10 minutes which is great! Ds1 then gets put to bed with a story - but not taking too long and then I give ds2 his bottle and put him to bed. Then it's tea time for grown ups!!

Phew! I think probably the acceptance that your baby's going to cry, 'cos they do get more fed up later in the day, is the tricky thing... If you can get anyone at all to take baby for a walk (we call it baby rescue in our house!) for an hour or so then so much the better!

Just to say aswell that it does get tons easier - now our ds2 is 5 months old, he usually has his tea just before we all have ours, so he's happy and full while we're eating. Then we chuck them both in the bath together (we're lucky in that dp and I are usually both home in the evenings) and get them both to bed at the same time - hurrah!

It's a nightmare, isn't it? My dd was a dreadful baby who cried most of the time. At teatime I would put the graco swing thing in thekitchen and stick her in it while I fed me and ds (2 1/2). dh would get his tea dished up ready to reheat when he came in.
Bathtime - would bath dd in baby bath with ds "helping" - in fact he thought it a great treat if he got bathed in it too! If he needed a proper bath, dd would be stuck in car seat on bathroom floor and would scream while I took ds in the bath (he liked it if I got in too). We would both sing loudly which sometimes had the effect of sending dd to sleep. Then would bf her while he had some milk downstairs - then bedtime for him with her cuddled in to me while I read him a story. It was pretty hectic and not the most peaceful time - but it passed. When she got to around 7 months after an episode off cc I was able to bath them both together then put her down in her cot and she would go straight to sleep and I could have time with ds. Now they are both older (4 1/2 and 2) it's a doddle - and also they are both now happy for me to let their dad do some of the work as well!
As someone once said to me - don't worry too much about not giving the older child as much attention as you would like - it's only for a short time - and do you remember being 2 1/2!

I've got two toddlers (3.5 and 2) and a 3 week old baby.

The way to do it if you can is to do DS1 meal when you know DS2 is not hungry - ie just after feed if poss or an hour later.

My DS3 feeds around 6.30 so I do it like this:

5pm - get on with boys' tea so they are eating by 5.30. They need to finish really by 6. DS3 will sit in his seat and watch all of this but sometimes gets quite fractious because he's starting to get hungry but you just have to let this go as you can't do everything at once!

6pm - take DS3 upstairs for his bath (usually going mad for food by this point but doing the bath passes some time and he calms down a bit cos he's distracted by it ). Boys either come and watch/'help' or play downstairs or watch Cbeebies bedtime hour!

6.30 - come downstairs and do DS3s bottle. Luckily DH comes in around 6.45 so he takes boys upstairs for their bath (almost every night - they enjoy it and it's part of their bedtime routine), while I tidy up toys and spend some time with DS3.

7pm - I go up and join DH and boys to help with putting PJs on, getting their milk etc. Then they go down to bed about 7.15ish.

HTH! I know, it's really hard but you just need to try and work out a routine that works for you and yours.

Sam, it's really hard isn't it - lots of us sympathise.

When I had ds2, ds1 was exactly 2 and like you, I struggled to get a routine established, but got there in the end!

DH generally isn't around for bedtime (wish he was around from 7.00 but ho hum!)

As others have said I would give ds1 his teatime meal just after ds2 had fed (did this at 5.30pm, anticipating him crying for food at 6.00).
I too had a Graco swing (borrowed from sil) and put baby in there (in kitchen, next to table).

After ds1 teatime, we'd all troop upstairs and I would bath each of them on ALTERNATE nights. This way ds1 either had a nice bath to himself or helped me bath the baby which he loved, and on both nights was getting plenty of attention. When ds1 was having his bath, ds2 would be in one of those lie back baby seat things that have toys hanging from them. Like the swing, he was safe in there and could see us. The seat was very portable, so if I hadn't had a swing, I would have used this in the kitchen at teatime too.

After bath, we'd then go in to ds1's room. By this time it was coming up to 7.00pm. Would put ds2 on floor on some blanket with some toys around to gaze at. Get both ready for bed. Read ds1 story. Tuck him in bed. Put ds2 in his cot in our room, put musical mobile on. Hope he would sleep until next feed which was about 9ish from recollection.

It will get easier as you get your routine going and when (hopefully) the baby starts to sleep through you begin to feel vaguely human again.

Good luck.

Would it help, SamN -- if you cooked the evening meal earlier inthe day and just reheated it when you need it? Read more stories earlier in the day to make up for the lack at bedtime. By the time they're both 1yo you'll be able to read to them together, plump the older one in front of a video while you put the little one down, etc.

My children are almost 5, almost 3 and 3 months -- for some reason I'm really exhausted all the time, hmmmm, can't think why!

Hi there

Thanks for all your messages - have just scanned through. Will read them all properly + hopefully reply later when both boys are in bed!

Sam

Just read Zebra's post re making evening meal earlier and reheating - DEFINITELY. We have a lot of casseroles in this house!

My husband went away for 17 days when DD2 was only 5 weeks old and DD1 was just under 2. No parents nearby - all alone!

The only way I could cope was by enforcing some kind of routine so both were put to bed happily. Tried doing both of them together - it was a nightmare. In the end, I cobbled together a kind of routine as follows:

Tea at 5. bf baby one boob whilst DD1 was eating tea. Something easy. Tea is often a "nursery" style beans on toast, scrambled eggs etc...

5:45 baby in bath. DD1 normally watching video downstairs - kept her quiet and in one place so I wouldn't have to stress she was tearing the house apart in my absence. Then dressed for bed and bf until drowsy. Took a few nights of stress to get her to settle to sleep at this time. I couldn't cope with CC so did PU/PD. It worked a treat. She was usually sound asleep by 6:30. Leaving me some nice 1 2 1 time with DD1, before taking her upstairs for her bath/bed routine at 7.

7.30 - drink large glass of wine and get chores done, before putting feet up.

Hope this helps.

great advice here, which is similar to what i do with my two (3y and 8wks). however, i don't think anyone has mentioned giving baby a bath earlier in the day instead of cramming it into the rushed evening.

agree, agree, agree with prepare food in advance!

It's so hard at that stage, isn't it? My oldest was 2.5 when the baby was born and I was a single parent, with no family around (in fact, several thousand miles away) after the first 3 weeks. The little one was so hard as a baby and nursed almost constantly.

First I got really good at doing things one handed while nursing the baby.

Second I didn't try and cook fancy meals for dd1. The simpler and quicker the better.

I wouldn't do a bath every night. Too much hassle. But when I did I would get dd1 in the bath and then give dd2 a bath in her baby bath on the bathroom floor. Frequently dd2 would be screaming in her bouncy chair while I shampooed and bathed dd1.

In fact, the baby had to endure a lot of being left alone while I did what I had to with dd1 in those first few months. You have to realise that unless there are 2 adults available to give one on one attention to each child, then something's gotta give. The baby would often have to cry while I got the older one ready for bed or whatever, but then after she was in bed it was the baby's turn and she would spend the rest of the evening nursing.

And as catbert said, that was usually time for a large glass of wine for me.

The good news is that it DOES get better, although at the time you wonder how you'll ever get through it. My daughters are now 5 and 2.5 and evenings are great. They play together, love having baths together, and we have a nice routine of reading books and having milk before bed. They both go to bed real well and are usually asleep by 7:30. What a difference!

Thanks very much to all of you, it's been very helpful and I'm feeling much more positive now. It's good to hear from people who have been or are still in a very similar situation. One thing I've realised is that I have actually been using some of these strategies, but I just have to fit them together into a consistent routine so all of us know what's coming next.

Reheating my own pre-prepared food is a wonderful idea. I like that far better than living on frozen food or ready meals, which still take a while to heat up, cost more and aren't as nice, to be honest.

Tonight I sat ds2 in his chair while I heated up the dinner and then ds1 and I ate together happily. Ds1 even told me he liked the food . I was impressed by how long ds2 waited for his feed, once I'd decided not to interpret every little gripe as a sign of hunger. Then ds1 watched his Thomas DVD while I fed ds2.

Dp actually arrived home in time to put ds1 to bed, but I think we'd have managed pretty well even if he hadn't been around. Most nights, dp isn't home that early, so I have to assume that I won't get any help. But I'm feeling so good about it all I might even try to include a baby bathtime tomorrow evening!

I'm also feeling less guilty about sitting ds1 in front of the TV while I feed/cook or sort out whatever. However, I could probably win Mastermind with the Lion King as my specialist subject, and tonight I'm sure I'll go to bed singing the song from his Thomas DVD.

Thanks again to all of you

Sam

So glad you've had a good evening and feel more positive Sam.

Skate, is Ceebeebies bedtime hour on TV or on a video?

Don't know whether this would work for you, how much it costs etc. A woman I used to know from play group found teatime/early evening so stressful it was affecting her whole day. So she contacted the local college and they got someone fom one of the childcare/nursery nurse courses. She was a student so was free at that time, she was gaining experience while not being a complete novice. Blimey I'm not being very artiulate am I?
Basically they employed a nursery nurse student from I think 4.30 to 7pm. Just for a few months and it changed their lives.

I had one of those students last year, and it was helpful, she came 10 -5 4 days a week and it was work experience so we didnt even have to pay her! She was lovely though and she would have come evenings but i was coping ok by then.

My suggestion would also be as someone else has mentioned, to accept baby's gonna cry. I used to feel ds (baby) whils tea was cooking, then fed dd while ds was having a little coo to himself, we all had a play for a while, then at bed time, if he was due for a feed i would feed before bath time so he was quite content then would bath them both together (not easy but got a good at it eventually), then did story time but made it more songs as ds enjoyed this. If he cried during this time i would put him in his cot with mobile on for a while, then take him back downstairs when i was done with dd. You will sort this out before long, and it soon gets easier, promise!

chickpea cbeebies bedtime is on tv

My DS will be 3 in 3 weeks and i've got a 12 week DD. Not that you want to hear this but teatimes here aren't too bad, this is what i've been doing.

When DS has his nap/quiet time after lunch I prepare the evening meal so that I can either bung whatever it is in the microwave or oven and put veggies/pasta/rice/etc on to cook. So when teatime comes I do my microwave/oven bunging and put DD in her sling while I fanny about serving it up and helping DS eat his food.

Once that is done then both of them have a bath together. DD goes in one of those plastic bath chairs and DS helps bathe her: she has grown to love the splashing ;-)

Then DD goes back in sling while I clear up tea stuff and DS watches Thomas or plays and then we all sit down and read/play while I feed DD before DS goes to bed.

Course we have our bad days and if things are going to go tits up it is always at teatime wheneveryone is tired!

Hermykne, thanks for that, but which channel is Ceebebies bedtime on???!!! Sky or terrestial?

Here's what I do:

1. Give DS (2.9mos) tea while BF baby/ dandling her on lap. Read DS story at same time to take his mind off DDs presence.

2. Finish DS's tea and put him in front of TV so I can do DDs solids (she's 5 months now so you're not at this stage yet, but it comes round so fast), which requires my total attention

3. Another story/play with DS, DD on playmat.

4. Bath together. Get DD out and dressed first then do DS's teeth.

5. DS back in front of TV then do DD's bedtime, before taking DS up for story and bed.

I know I rely heavily on TV here but apart from that it's working quite well, Was nightmare to start off with so I know what you're going through. You'll find your way.

Cbeebies bedtime hour is on sky (or cable) on the CBeebies channel (599 on NTL, not sure what number on Sky)

If it helps SamN - this is our routine - ds now 5 months, dd 2.5, but we've been doing this for a while (on the evenings when dh is not here)

5.30 ds feeds, dd watches cbeebies
5.45 dd and I cook dinner together - ds sits in carseat on table and watches. Dd loves to "help" fetching her crockery/cutlery which are purposely in a low cupboard, clingfilming!, passing ds back the toys he drops)
6.00 dd and I eat. When he was feeding lots he would often get another quick feed at the table after I had eaten and whilst dd was still finishing. Then we all tidy up downstairs - well ds lies on the floor whilst we tidy up around him
6.45 Upstairs - start bath running dd throws all toys into the bath whilst I undress ds. Naked (being naked is usually enough amusement for him) ds lies on changing mat on floor whilst I help dd undress and get robes and sleepsuit/pyjamas+nappy ready.
7.00 dd into bath, ds into bath as well. he has 2 minute sluice and comes out into his ROBE. Do not underestimate the importance of this item. My little sister bought them matching robes, and I thought they were the height of naffness, but they are SO practical. I can wrap ds up and leave him lying on the bathroom floor having a kick whilst I see to dd's hair and teeth. Then dd plays whilst I massage and dress ds (still in the bathroom)
7.20ish dd out of bath, into robe. All go and sit on sofa in ds's room. Ds is fed whilst I read books to dd (she turns the pages) When ds is ready to go down, dd and I tiptoe out (literaly, she whispers ssshhh mummy sleeping) and get her dressed and into bed. If ds cries I leave him til she's done.

I would recommend highly the double bath- it will amuse your ds far more easily than anything else, and I've found that it's a great time for the two to bond - dd loves to pour water on ds toes/willy, and insists on kissing him before he gets out.