Is this normal for little boys?

[Pinkgirl1986]

My partner snapped badly at me today. I don't see the issue and I'm looking for opinions. He has 2 kids to 2 women and one of them doesn't have a mother as she abuses drugs and alcohol, therefore he has custody. His children are 7 and 3 year old boys. The 3 year old wanted to play at a certain part of the park, his dad (my partner) said no not yet, finish your sandwich first. Anyway the 7 year old said 'yeah finish your sandwich or I'll beat you up' then the 3 year old obviously turned round and said that he would punch him as he was obviously being influenced by that kind of talk. The 7 year old then responded with ill put you in the bin, that's where you belong. And anyway the conversation was a good 3 minutes of violent talk but in a childish-harmless kind of way but still thinks like I will punch you and beat you up. Anyway, the 7 year old doesn't have a mother. I am a mother myself but my child is too young to talk and my motherly instinct was to say 'that's not a very nice conversation to have boys' my partner soon jumped down my neck saying 'erm they love each other and they're joking they're not little thugs going yeah yeah I'm going to knock you out' and I said I know but however talking like this to each other is, well harmless, but what if they take this talk to the playground or think it is acceptable to talk like that? He said that's how little boys talk and I was wrong. Maybe I am wrong? I know little boys play fight and do all the boysturous stuff but I was just a little uncomfortable listening to little children talking about how they will beat each other up. Maybe I'm too sensitive and I understand kids should be kids but is violent talk necessary? Please correct me if I am wrong. I feel really embarrassed and was just feeling protective and motherly in some ways. I'd say it if I was my own child talking to a sibling like that. I'd just say that's not very nice. TIA x

It’s not very nice and I would try an discourage it as much as possible, especially if your little one is around. If we get used to making nasty comments, no matter how small, we become numb to them and gradually they get worse 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not in my house but ime lots of men talk to each other like this and bring their sons up to do the same under the guise of ‘banter’

Personally I would not allow that kind of talk between siblings. I have always encouraged mine to speak to people with respect or AT LEAST in a way they'd like to be talked to. I have three children, oldest is 13 so I have had conversations with them down the years about this sort of thing.

I suspect this is 'normal' banter in some families but not in others my brothers and male cousins never behaved like this.

I will not allow any of my children to talk to each other like that male or female, my mum used to allow us to do something similar where everyone would kind or gang up verbally and it really was awful and wasn't funny just made whoever it was feel anxious.

I also suspect we as a society are to accepting of low level aggression from boys. Ask you DP if he'd allow girls to speak like that, there's nothing wrong with boys learning to speak kindly to each other.

I wouldn't be happy with those comments from my boys who are older than these. I'd pull them up just the same as you did

My three young adult sons & their male cousins never speak to each other in that way, not even in jest. They can all be boisterous at times, but never physically or verbally aggressive.

Nope. I pull up my sons if I hear that sort of talk.

That would be unacceptable between my sons.

No, your dp is doing his sons no favours by allowing and even condoning that kind of chavish talk. Not normal at all ime

We have six sons and I found that dialogue a bit odd to be honest. I would have stepped in exactly as you did. It only needed a bit of gentle guidance (which you provided) but children of those ages don't always make the connection that things can be said at home but not elsewhere. If your partner thinks it's ok between brothers (matter of opinion, I don't but they aren't mine) that's ok, but the boys will think it's acceptable everywhere. They go to nursery/school and threaten to punch people and the outcome is very different and confusing for the children who weren't stopped from speaking that way at home. Our eldest boys are both adults now but in their flat (they live together) they put up a plaque from our wall at home which they said reminded them of home. It is one of those 'rules for the household' things. A bit twee I suppose but it says:

Before you speak, make sure you can say yes to the following questions:

1. Is it kind?
2. Is it necessary?
3. Is it true?

A pretty good place to start I always thought.

@thebakerwithboobs exactly the point I made! Thanks.

I often have heard my boys play fight talking "I'm going to destroy you bad guy, you're dead!! etc.."and I know it's banter and joking around but my DH and I always tell them not to talk to eachother or anyone like that, we don't mind the good guy bad guy play so much..but don't like to hear "you're dead and I'll destroy you" even if they don't understand or mean it fully. I suspect the oldest is picking it up from school. Not much you can do if they are not your kids but if you don't want your child exposed to it you have a right to say so.