I want to stop breastfeeding- but feel bad.

[Forosu]

My son is 15 months and is still breastfeeding. He doesn’t have it as much as he used to but he still wakes up for it during the night and has it a couple of times during the day, however some days he can go without eg when I’m at work.

The issue is now at night he seems to want to feed for ages and every time I take him off he cries. He is a still and always has been a pretty crap sleeper, so il just let him latch back on in fear of him waking up and staying awake for another three hours which he loves to do quite regularly! Also I just don’t feel like it anymore I don’t know if this sounds selfish- it kind of annoys me now, (not all the time) but sometimes I’m just like urgh please hurry up and finish. The past few days my nipples have been hurting too I think it’s because he’s doing these random moves whilst breastfeeding.

Anyway, I feel bad as it’s his comfort and I know HE isn’t ready to stop but I am. Also how do I stop without it being really distressing for him.

I could have written this except DC is almost 20 months. I feel so conflicted and guilty about it.

Kellymom has some good advice on stopping bf I recall. TRy to reduce the feedin so perhaps just at night and nap time, or reduce the legth of time. I get the night thing, even when mine stopped feeding at night still terrible sleepers. So don't think stopping bf at night will aid the sleeping it may not.

Don't feel bad. You've given your DS a brilliant start. It has to work for you both.

My DH got up at night and settled her initially then a few nights later I just cuddled her to sleep and she took it fine. It didn't take her long to forget!

I felt exactly the same when my dd was 15 months old (she is now 30 months). There are so many reasons mums feel guilty but I firmly believe that having breastfed a child day and night for 15 months is something we should only feel very proud of! If any breastfeeding is better than no breastfeeding, we've all done considerably well, and far better than most!

Children need happy parents so if breastfeeding isn't making you happy any more, stop doing it. A 15 month old (or 20 month old, Waiting1987) is perfectly capable of drinking from a cup, eating a balanced meal, taking daily vitamins and being a healthy child.

I stopped offering it at 15 months, that reduced the number of feeds straight away. I got my mum to stay for a week around 18 months to have someone else who didn't smell like breastmilk to comfort my dd back to sleep at night. Afterwards though if I was there, dd still wanted it. At 18.5 months dd got a sore on her mouth, I thought how painful it would be to get such a sore on my nipple and I just refused to feed her. She cried a bit the first day, the second day she asked for it but accepted my "no" and she didn't ask from the third day onwards.

She sleeps better now and I really enjoy her wanting cuddles with me like she always had with everyone else knowing she isn't only snuggling up to me because she wants to suck the life out of me.

Yes, guilty is how I feel too. Just not sure if I should stop just because I don’t feel like it anymore.

I’ll have to look in to how to stop. Reducing the feeds during the day I feel like would be more manageable but nighttime is what I’m worried about. I have heard it only takes a few days to a week or so for them to settle.

Fantababy and KellyHall - it’s reassuring to hear it wasn’t such a nightmare. Something I’m going to have to think about. My dh has tried to settle him before but he just point blank does not want him and will scream bloody murder until I swoop in. I’m such a sucker for those tears I can’t bear it. Think I may need to toughen up and firm it!

If it's really that upsetting, you could spend a few nights not at home. A friend stayed in a hotel for 4 nights - sounds a bit extreme - but when her baby couldn't smell her breastmilk, it was much easier to comfort back to sleep. At least, that's what her dh said. Maybe he was just trying to make her feel better!

I stuck it out a bit longer for nights- DS stopped in the day himself by 18 mo.

Then because he understood more, having talked and read stories about it in advance for a LONG time, then trying a cuddle instead at some wakes and delatching him when I was ready, we went for it at 21 mo. Done in 3 nights- hardly any upset. Sending DH in instead did not work and still doesn't.

I stopped feeding mine around that age and it really helped with the night sleeping. My husband took over the nights so they were still comforted/rocked etc but it wasn’t confusing for them as they couldn’t smell me. It only took a couple of nights and they both started sleeping through (that sounds like they’re twins they’re not I just did the same thing with both)

I know the guilt very well! I was ready to stop feeding at around 12-15 months, but continued because dd was a shite sleeper and I couldn’t bring myself to make it worse! Also a lone parent so no dh to help with the nights.

In the end I stopped offering, but didn’t refuse and dd weaned herself off earlier this year when she was around 2.4. We just went longer and longer between feeds until she forgot about it. But there was a time that I honesty thought I’d be bf till she was 12

If you want to wean him off you’ve got to make the decision and stick to it. If you give in it just makes it even more difficult. You’ll probably have a couple of crap nights, but it will get easier quickly. Good luck!

My son was ebf (obvs with solids after 6 months) until he was 13 months. He never took a bottle so literally every feed of his life was from my boobs. He loved it. I felt terrible thinking of stopping because of the guilt of taking it away from him but after that intensity I wanted my body back! Anyway, he was absolutely fine. Loved his cup of cows milk. Literally didn’t seem to care at all! They are very adaptable little things and will manage.

Please don’t feel guilty, you’ve done a great job to get this far. I still feed my 2 year old to sleep and your OP exactly sums up how I feel sometimes (seems to be linked to what stage of menstrual cycle I’m in).

Hey, well done for breastfeeding until 15 months! That's amazing.

I wanted to share our experience of night weaning, which has made things so much easier for us. Take what you think might work from it and leave the rest. :)

My son is 13 months and has been a very enthusiastic breastfeeder (is that even a word? :)). In any case, about a month ago - so when he was 12 months, we tried nightweaning and that went really well - he now sleeps through most nights (11ish hours). I feed him to sleep and i feed him first thing in the morning, but those are the only two BF in the day. This works super well for us now.

Anyway, my son certainly was perfectly happy to continue waking at night and BF, but at 12 months, I wasn't. So, this was the middle way for us.

The way we nightweaned was that his Dad dealt with the nights - holding him, rocking him, cuddling him, just giving him tonnes of affection. The first 3-4 (even 5?) nights, it wasn't great. But after that, he started sleeping through. That felt OK to us and to us as a family, that struck the right balance very much.

We had actually tried the same approach at 8 months and 10 months, too; but DS did not start sleeping through then; so we went back to night BF.

This worked super well for us, so wanted to share.

Whatever approach you take, all the best of luck and, again, amazingly well done for BFing until 15 months (what a wonderful thing to do for your baby!).

To add - maybe night weaning can be the first step to stopping completely? Or maybe you'll find that reducing BF so much makes you OK with continuing for a little longer.

I felt the same at that stage. I just wanted my body back. We did the Jay Gordon method as it felt right for us.

Don’t feel guilty- you’ve done so well to go this far but you both must be benefiting and if it’s right to stop then it’s right to stop.

Do not feel guilty. You must do what works for your family and if it doesn't work for you anymore, you need to work together to find something that does.

I'm a massive Sarah Ockwell Smith fan. She's very gentle and DS responds well to her approach. Her books are fab and she's never judgemental about people's parenting choices. Very refreshing.

We're about to take DS off breastfeeding. We're trying for no.2 so it would be very unfair to keep him relying on bfing to get to sleep. When I go into labour, he needs to have someone else there to comfort him to sleep and if I'm suddenly not there, it would be quite distressing for him.

I find the idea of stopping really hard. I think I would be quite happy to tandem feed until he's ready to quit. I really would like to. But I fear the judgement and I dont think it'd be fair for DS if there are complications when it comes to labour.

Here's what we're planning over the next few weeks though:

OH is going to come in with us every other night so DS can get used to him being there at bedtime. OH already is involved with bath time and bedtime routine but the putting to sleep has always fallen to me because of the bfing.

So, OH will be with us.

Once he's gotten used to that I'm going to start delaying giving him the breast. The last thing to go will be the daytime feeds (though he really doesnt do it that much). Sarah O-S also says that because of withdrawing feeds at night time, they may want to feed more in the day. It's a way of still getting all that comfort they need and she even suggests that sometimes, his helps them sleep longer during the night.

So...

Night 1 - use other forms of comfort to get back to sleep (cuddles, toy, water, etc) but if they're not settling, offer breast.

Night 2 - use other forms of comfort for 5 mins until offering breast.

Night 3 - use other forms of comfort for 10 mins until offering breast.

Night 4 - use other forms of comfort for 15 mins until offering breast

And so on... so quite gentle. I got this from her 'Becoming a Second Time Parent' book. It's really good. I'd highly recommend all of her books.

She says the key is to stay with them and comfort them. Studies have shown that significantly less cortisol (stress hormone) is released when we stay with them and comfort them, compared to if we leave them alone to cry.

After he's come off the boob at night, we'll be working on Daddy putting him to sleep some nights. She covers this too in the above mentioned book.

Thank you all for your replies really appreciate it. I am feeling a little more at ease now reading all your messages. Il have a look in to all the methods you’ve mentioned and then figure out a plan. I think I need to mentally prepare myself to not give in aswell.

PlinkPlink May I ask how old your ds is? My husband and I were thinking of trying for no2 when he is 1 1/2 which isn’t too long away. But now I’m feeling he’s still such a baby not sure if I’m ready for another.