My GF Ex Husband (kids)

[billy121]

Ok I have a 3 year child with my GF, we were together and split up but recently got back together after a 2 year break. Now she has two older daughters 11-14 who I got on with really well before and get on with the younger one still. Now since I was away her ex husband and father of the two was trying to get back with her but didn’t succeed, he was nice to her giving her money etc etc. Now I’m back he is furious. And he is talking to the two kids who are his. He is bad mouthing me and their mother and has now started only emailing her only due to her being with me. I have always been a gentleman with his daughters and always taken them out
All as a family fully knowing they have a dad but I am a generous person so it’s fine , we go to restaurants etc. Their dad only ever takes them to McDonald’s but hey that’s him. Now I have never ever raised my voice to his kids but last week the older one came back from her dads being so rude to the mother so I simply said pls don’t talk to your mum like that. She then called her dad and he called me , without
Even knowing what happen he said don’t shout at my kids etc etc and I should only focus on my son , I said no and if they are rude I will tell them not to be rude as he has taught her this way , he said don’t talk to his kids so I said so I shouldn’t take them out with us when we go out? Or should I invoice you the bill? He didn’t respond to this ofcourse... now the older daughter has left to live at his, even though the mother has done everything for her he is giving her cash and she prefers to stay with him. Now I know he is bad mouthing me and the mum as we heard him on the phone to the younger one saying remember our secrets abiut them are our secrets .... I text him and said Shame on you for telling a 11 year old to keep secrets from her mum (no reply from him) - I got on so well with the older one also before but he dad has manipulated her so much to now sort of hate me even though I give the kids so much and expect nothing in return as I’m happy to be with my son and mum. The mum is terrified of the dad as he abused her but
She doesn’t want to report this. She also had a house with him which the got before marriage and when they divorced he just gave her some cash in an envelope and said F off with the kids. Now that was 6 years ago and she is now planning to take legal action about the house - I’m not sure if that’s too late now. Sorry for the rant I am just not sure what I should do next , if I should warn him not to discuss me with the kids etc ... he is taking the younger one tomorrow for a sleep over and I know his focus is on turning the younger one against the mum and me now.

Im so sorry you are going through this. He sounds very immature. If im honest i dont think you telling him not to discuss you with his kids, will make him stop. He will do it regardless. Its rubbish because if he is manipulating the kids and poisoning their minds against you and the mother, it will make the kids think a certain type of way about you. That cant be helped because sadly their dad is childish and is talking trash to them, and they'll probably believe him until theyre old enough to see things for themselves. Maybe you should sit and talk to the kids, ask them if they would want to still go out to dinner with you? Etc. Dont push them too much, i know it hurts.. its such a crappy situation! The mum shouldnt enable his behaviour.

Firstly your perfectly in your right to say something to your “step daughter” (I know she’s not but you get what I mean) about being rude. He must feel really jealous of you because from he’s perspective you’ve stolen his wife and his family. It doesn’t excuse his behaviour but your obviously able to step back from a situation that is very emotional.

I think you should be very clear with both girls that all you want to do if be there for their mum and to support them in a way that’s appropriate. Which means just being a family- going out for dinner, going on holidays and days out. Just generally being polite and respectful to each other. As for the eldest, she’s just trying to find her way in the world and exert some independence because you put a boundary down. She will need her mum at some point and she will still have a relationship with you guys. Make a point to invite her out so she doesn’t feel excluded but don’t take it to heart if she doesn’t come.