Am I in the wrong or my partner?

[Foxpaws91]

My son is 9 weeks old and he's had a tough time, he was delivered by emergency C-section because his heart stopped during labour (it started immediately after delivery) and he's had an ecoli infection at 4 weeks old, but he's getting better now.

Anyway, my partner always has a go at me for holding our baby. He says he is in my arms 24/7, he really isn't, my partner is at work during the day so how does he know that??? My son is honestly not in my arms all the time, but if he is crying I will try and soothe him. When my partner is home, if our son cries he says it's my fault and there's nothing wrong with him, just that he wants to be held and he can be quite nasty about it. Am I wrong to soothe my son everytime he cries? Obviously I will check he is not hungry or needing changed, if not I will give him a cuddle to settle him. I know older babies can learn to cry for a cuddle but he's only 9 weeks 😐

Am I just being a soft new mam or is my partner being unreasonable?

Also when he cuddles does he have his top off and is baby undressed so its true skin to skin? Seemed to make my dp feel much more bonded with our dcs when they were new.

Your "D" P is a dick. Babies are supposed to be held.

Next time your health visitor and your dp are in the same room, why not ask her advice? Maybe coming from someone else might make him realise it's normal and not adversely affecting your child

Your partner is a dick. It's very common for small babies to be more fretful in the evenings, which is when he is seeing you soothing the baby. You're doing a great job, tell him if he can't be supportive he can bloody move out.

Poor mummy bear, nothing worse than having to combat a grouchy baby and husband. Its very very common for fathers to get their nose out of joint when a child comes along as they feel pushed aside. Lashing out at you and your baby for that isn't okay though. I think you need to push daddy off the deep end and leave baby with him whilst you shower, that way you are close by whilst encouraging daddy to connect with his baby. One of my male colleagues openly admitted he mildy resented his first born because he would cry whenever my colleague came home and his wife unintentionally made him feel worse about it as she would state how baby had been fine all day. My stupid husband would have had me leaving our first child to cry it out at 6 weeks old had I not remained firm and told him clearly that it was unacceptable and I would not defy my motherly instincts for him. We now have a second child and he is an amazing father and very very engaged. I hope you manage to find a way to get through this time xxxx

Babies can't soothe themselves until they're at least 16 weeks of age. With my second I'd always leave to go to sleep himself and if he grizzle I'd leave him for 5 minutes but as soon as it was a cry I'd go in and see.
It's just against a lot of mothers instincts to leave them to cry. Especially your first one. I think your DH is jealous and that's unhealthy

Immediately by The Book you wish your parents had read by Philippa Perry. Awesome book on parenting which will help you and (hopefully your OH) figure out why he feels babies should not be held and soothed. It's 100% right to soothe and be there for a baby. Don't feel bad. Your OH needs to sort his head out.

Is it possible you partner is suffering from some kind of depression due to the rough start? Has he always been this way or is it only towards your baby?

@CarolineKate

Is it possible you partner is suffering from some kind of depression due to the rough start? Has he always been this way or is it only towards your baby?
Oh yes , the depression card, he's a useless husband and father. He's not fucking depressed, he's pissed off that he isn't the centre of attention any more.
Op get rid of him as soon as you can, this situation will get worse

He's awful OP, cuddle your baby all day and fuck the house work. People (not DH) told me that cuddling my baby and letting him sleep on me etc would spoil him, it's nonsense. He's now 9 months old naps well without me, sleeps all night (just me with insomnia...), is confident, sociable and very active. Your partner sounds like he is actually jealous of the time you give your child, which is crazy and worrying.