Losing patience with toddler

[Rosieanne86]

Hi all

Had baby number 2 a few weeks ago and I dont seem to have any patience for my 3 yr old. I feel awful!!

Since baby number 2 came, I'm tired with nightfeeds and recovering from c section. I have been very frustrated at not being able to do my usual tasks especially spending time with older son. He's very big and boisterous so I have had to be very cautious after surgery

Lately he has been very temperamental. This started before baby arrived. He's hitting, shouting, stamping and doesn't listen. I ask him to do something and he argues against me and then the baby wakes up and also wants attention. So I get annoyed and shout at him and he gets upset. Sometimes I just have to shut the door and walk away for a few minutes. Instantly I feel awful about it. I just can't seem to control my temper.

My husband also seems very stressed too, especially with our new home life. We both know that he's going etc but we just can't seem to relax at the moment or know how to handle him

Any advise is much appreciated q

I hear you. I have a 7 week old and a 3 year old. When the 3 year woke up the baby who I had just got to sleep I could have done something violent. I didn’t and I wouldn’t but my god I was so annoyed with her. I had a section the first time round and I couldn’t imagine dealing with a 3 yr after one.

Is your 3 yr old in nursery?
Do you have any family support or friends who can help out?

It gets better. Here is what has helped me but I’m no expert and we are still going through it. It has been
2 weeks since the 3 year old old me she didn’t want a baby.

• If you can get help from friends, family or buy in then do. If you can afford it get a carer for an hour a day then do it. Get them to empty the dishwasher, put on a load of washing, fold and put away washing, hoovering.
• I do an extra story time before bath time cuddled up on the sofa while feeding baby. DH runs the bath and tides the kitchen at this time.
• Easy as possible food and online shopping. Don’t worry too much about healthy eating.
• Ceebies is your friend.
• When your able to get out and about with both kids. Look for kids role play places they are easier.
• Now DH is back at work he takes baby and cuddles her and tries to encourage 3yr old to have breakfast while I have a shower, brush teeth and put on clothes. It makes it so much easier.
• Is DH back at work? Mine took 2 weeks annual leave in addition to paternity leave as I was expecting another section. Can he take some annual leave, even if he takes a couple of Wednesdays off to breakup the week for.

I will tell you want it kind of working for us with DD’s anger at the next feed.

Luckily we have a lot of support. My husband also took 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks holiday, he's just gone back to work so it's nice and chilled during the day now. There are times like last night when I have to put the 3yr old to bed while husband is out and he starts acting up and bring naughtu and I lose my temper an shout at him. Just feel so bad.

I like your advice and I will give it a try. Thank you x

DH has not being out yet. I’m not sure how I would manage bedtime with both of them! Well done.

We will get through this.

Disclaimer: not an expert in any way

However, I think it would be helpful to try to name the feelings everyone has. Is he frustrated that he doesn't have your full attention? Are you anxious because the baby woke up? Try to name these feelings. you may still get upset sometimes but if you can have a dialogue about what feelings are and why you were shouty (once everyone is more calm) maybe this would help a bit?

It's totally understandable, you're not a robot!

When I had to start working more hours, my toddler started hitting, shouting and being ignorant. I talked to a health visitor who said it was dd feeling out of control so if you shout and get upset, it scares them even more because now they're not in control but neither are you so they lash out more and it can have a snowball effect.

You and dh need to agree how to handle these outbursts so that your dc knows the consequences of such behaviour are consistent and they will eventually settle back down. Make sure if you do a time out that they are removed from everyone else as otherwise you're rewarding the bad behaviour with more attention. We also agreed that each time our dd hit, we removed one of her toys until the next day - the first few days we had quite a pile but it became less and less over a couple of months, now it's less than 1 toy a day.

I’m afraid I completely disagree with the poster above. Please don’t put him in time out, he’s going through a massive adjustment and has some big feelings to cope with, and needs support. I’ve only got one but from what I’ve seen on parenting groups this is totally normal for a 3 yo who has just become a big brother. It must be infuriating when he wakes the baby! But trying to fit in some one to one time may help?