ANOTHER high needs baby!! Please help!

[someonesmother]

Hi everyone.
My second daughter was born 5 weeks ago and she's pretty hard work. My first daughter (now 3) was also very difficult and I'm so worried I'm going to have the same thing again with number 2. Any tips with how to deal with this...?!
These are the problems I have:

• She cannot bare to be alone. She needs to be held and rocked/bounced or she screams. I can't put her on the playmat, for example, to make a coffee or get older child's food without her crying.

She screamed for more than 90 minutes in the pram today (with breaks where I stopped to pick her up and cuddle/feed her).

• She wants to breastfeed aaaalllll the time. I'm happy for her to cluster feed in the evening as this normally means a longer night sleep, but she really wants to be on the boob 24/7.
• She wants to sleep on me. It's really difficult to get her to sleep alone, even though we have a cot attached to my bed.

I know she's still a new born, but this is how it started with my first and she kept this kind of behaviour up for a whole year! I don't think I can go through this again!!

I know that a sling/carrier is an option, and it does work. Buuutt... I get a bad back when I use the carrier and I want to use it as little as possible.

Has anyone found solutions for this type of clingy baby?? Thanks!

Have you got a local sling library, where you could try different slings and find one that doesn’t hurt your back? I used to use a wilkinet and found that didn’t cause backache because it distributed the baby’s weight around my rib cage rather than hanging it off my shoulders (like a good rucksack does).

I'd also say get a better sling. They work in different ways, you should be able to distribute weight in a way that doesn't hurt your back.

I'd also try to live in the moment as much as possible, dealing with her needs now. She might be like your older one, she might not. Fretting about it won't change how she is in 3 or six months time.

It's not easy but she's trying to tell you what she needs, try to go with it where possible rather than fighting it. Resentment won't help anyone.

I find singing to my baby helps when he's gringey and I can't hold him.

Not a high needs baby. Just a baby.
She doesn't want to be alone, she's 5 weeks old ofc she doesn't.
She doesn't want to sleep alone, ofc she doesn't.
Get an ergonomic carrier or at the age just get a sling and wrap her around. She's 5 weeks old, she's probably scared and alone in the pram.

I'd say at 5 weeks old that's all completely normal behaviour. Babies don't want to be put down, they want their care giver to provide comfort and safety. I believe at 5 weeks that breastfeeding is pretty constant too?

I'm only giving great advice given to
Me by my grandma. Find out if it's hunger and maybe see if 1 bottle of formula will help?! You could combi feed and your dp could help then too.

Only thing that saved my sanity

I think your babies are both normal.My DD was like this. She's only high needs in the way that ALL babies are high needs.

She doesn't sound high needs, she just sounds like a normal baby! What makes you think she is and your DD were high needs? Sorry you are struggling - we used the Ergobaby sling until about 18 months and it was very comfortable, they are a bit pricy, but really worth it. You could probably get one secondhand. Hope things start to seem easier soon :)

I describe my first as high needs because she really was quite difficult and felt very extreme. She was 9 months old before even her father could hold her without her screaming. From age 3 months to about 10 months she wouldn't sleep more than 45 minutes or so at a time, and that was always on me. I would bounce and rock her for hours every night. She needed to be held by me all the time and would breastfeed constantly. I couldn't put her in a pushchair until she was a year old. It was really hard.

I think lots of you might be right, that maybe my second is just a normal baby. I'm happy to hold her and will look at testing out different carriers to find one that doesn't hurt my back.
I think I'm just worried that I'll find this baby as tough as my first, but now I have a toddler to look after too.
But that's good advice, horse4course, I agree that I'm worrying too much about what might be and misreading what are actually perfectly normal newborn behaviours...

@sleepinginthecar it really annoys me when mums who are breastfeeding and asking for advice get told to “give a bottle of formula” it’s like the least supportive comment you could make. People chose to breastfeed for a reason, it’s bloody hard and being told to give a bottle does not help. You never hear breastfeeding mums telling bottle feeding mums “just give them your boob”. Keep your grandmothers advice to yourself.

@someonesmother well done on getting this far with 2 children! I only have one and can’t imagine how tough it is. It must be really easy to compare your little one to your older one, and fear the same behaviours, but wait a little bit longer before panicking - nearly all 5 week olds do what you are describing. It will get easier

No solution from me, but I just wanted to say I empathise and I believe you. I was told “babies cry” with dc3, who was a high needs baby and it drove me to the edge of my sanity.

DC1 was a high needs baby human.

I. Hear. You.

With DC2, I had the fear for a long time. Every bad night, I was convinced it was beginning. Turns out it was just the high needs of a newborn.

5 weeks is so tiny. Just keep them close. 4th trimester. They’ll never be that little again. Congratulations

DD was like this too. Swaddle (very tight!), dummy and white noise helped us. She was a very ‘sucky’ baby and needed to suck for comfort, so the dummy really helped (or she really would have been bf 24/7!).

I don’t really know why the suggestion of formula is so taboo, it’s just a suggestion after the OP has asked for advice.

Could she have reflux? Not wanting to lie flat can be a sign.

At 5 weeks, she is still so new and everything is still so alien. The 4th trimester in action. I'm not sure you can say just yet she's high needs, all of this is completely normal. Instead of ways to change things, how about you get a really good thermos for coffee and your partner makes you and the toddler packed lunch so you don't have to make lunch everyday?

And reassess in a few weeks. It's hard, and exhausting while you're healing and you've got a toddler too.

I'd just try to surrender to it for the time being.

Thank you so much to everyone who responded. Yesterday was a bad day and I was feeling overwhelmed. I think I needed reminding that all newborns behave this way! I get a bit caught up worrying that she'll be like her sister, I even worried about it throughout pregnancy. Today baby sat in her car seat and didn't cry for 10 minutes while I had a shower so already a good sign she's NOT like her sister!

Packed lunches is a great idea, can't believe I didn't think of that before! Hopefully I can find a good ergonomic carrier and we should be set

I don't have much advice but you have my total sympathies. PPs saying all babies are high needs haven't had a high needs baby 😏 (yes I appreciate all have high needs but some are extreme). My first was one and it pushed me to the brink for the first year, utterly exhausting. No sleep, cried constantly for 10 months, I couldn't put them down at all.
I'm about to have number 2 and already worried they'll be just as difficult. I really hope this time round it's just a short lived phase for you and number 2 settles and isn't anywhere near as high needs as your first.