Please help - DD behaving awfully

[StormcloakNord]

I dont know what to do with my daughter. The past 3 days at school I've had a phone call to say she has been involved in an incident. First time she punched someone, then spat at another kid (which I am absolutely disgusted at) and then she got in a fight that "wasnt her fault" and was kicked/kicked someone. Now today shes been in a fight and has punched someone.

What the hell do I do? So as not to drip feed we have not long moved house and had to move her schools. She is in Primary 2 at the new school after being in Primary 1 at her previous school.

Her behaviour at her previous school was impeccable, she really was great and we never had many complaints. What is with this 360? How do I deal with it?

Any tips/suggestions for punishment would be appreciated.

What punishment are school applying?

What has she said when you talk to her about this?

At home I'd be looking at revoking screen time/treats.

We're just moving this over to parenting for the OP.

@Weezol

The school take them in at break times and dont let them out to play at all.

This is another concerning point, she never seems to have a coherent and consistent point. I asked what on earth happened and why she did do these things etc and she just says either she doesnt know, it was for "fun" or it was in retaliation.

Weve taken out her TV, tablet etc everything is gone. The only thing left in her room is her clothes and books.

Weve never ever taught her that it's okay to be violent/hit people. We have always reinforced going to the teacher if someone is mean/bullying her so I have no idea where this has come from.

How old is she, you said she's in a new school it sounds like she is very unhappy about something as this behaviour is new to her. As much as I'd want to punish her I think getting to the bottom of why she is behaving so out of character is more important right now.

@bloodywhitecat She is 5, soon to be 6.

I thought that too and I've tried to talk to her about if she is happy/if there is something wrong. She has said that she doesn't like her new school, likes her previous teacher and doesn't like her new teacher as she has a "funny face". She's said this from day 1 really. There's not much I can do though, I have asked if there is anything we can do to help at home and she just says no, not really.

I totally get that it's an adjustment period and we've made exceptions for that and have told the school this is probably the reason for her behaviour but we have given her so many coping strategies for it and have told her what to do if she feels like she's getting overwhelmed or sad etc.

Honestly feel like I'm totally failing as a parent here.

I also have no idea what is going on with my username, it keeps changing.

What have the school offered to support her settling in? I think that by taking all she enjoys from her may actually have a detrimental effect as now she has nothing to lose. Although I hate the phrase "love bombing", I do think it might be applicable here until she feels secure in her new surroundings.

@Mabelface nothing extraordinary really. We got to meet her teacher before she went in and was introduced to a lot of the staff and we got shown round the school but that is it really.

We haven't stripped her bare of everything, she's still getting to play board games & we do reading activities and she still goes round to her grandparents which she loves. I just thought it was appropriate to take away her tablet & TV as I'm worried if it goes without punishment she won't think twice about doing it again.

What she's doing is a cry for help and punishing too harshly will just make her feel worse about her situation. What are school putting in place to help her settle? Are they helping her to forge friendship groups?

Might be worth a rethink on punishing at home, as she's already been punished in school. I understand why you've taken things from her. I'd look at all the positive things she does and get school on side to reinforce good behaviour rather than go down the route of punishments. Set her easy targets to achieve, such I was kind to my friend, I tidied my toys; that sort of thing.

She sfive
Behaviour is communication
She s finding it hard in s new school etc
Stop punishing
Start getting to bottom of it
Read the big bag of worries with her
Role play dolls starting a new school

Buy
What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids) (What-to-Do Guides for Kids (R))

Offer her different ways of expressing herself
Teach her