Back to school rage...

[Whattodowithaminute]

DS 8 started back at school today-he’s been delightful for the majority of the holiday. He’s vile screaming ball of anger, rage and defiance. I’ve tried to be patient, so far he has refused to get his brother from a club, hurt his younger brother, hit me, pinched me, hurled insults at anyone who will listen, endless backchat and rudeness. Says I hate him. I’ve tried to talk to him, comfort him, cuddle him, play with him, read to him... don’t know why I’m posting really but if anyone had any useful insights then they would be welcomed....

That sounds hard OP, has he talked about how his day went?

Did this happen last year too?

Might he be hungry?

He has refused to get his brother from a club? Why would an 8 year old be picking up their siblings? Maybe leave him be and let him calm down/chill out/de stress rather than giving him jobs to do and trying to cuddle him. Maybe he just wants to be left alone.

Have you tried sending him to his room for a while to calm down and then talk to him later? You may find he plays on his tablet/game, switches off or sleeps. He’s not in a fit state to communicate or socialise, and that’s what you are forcing him to do. Let him be until he can tell you what’s wrong.

X post Bunny.

This happens every term to be honest; I feel like I lose my child whilst he’s at school and then get him back over the holidays-not half terms though they’re not long enough...
he’s had food since he got in so I feel like I’ve excluded hunger.. I think he’s just massively overwhelmed but I have no idea how to support him because he’s angry at everything I do...

Why is an 8 year old picking their sibling up?

It sound like he's overtired and overstimulated.
All the fussing over him, although well intentioned, is probably making matters worse.

Leave him be to calm and tell his siblings to give him some space to calm down too

DD is a little like this although less so as she gets older. She does find school exhausting, physically and socially, and has medical reasons for that. Do you think he struggles with school - either the academic aspects or the social/conformity aspects? What do his teachers say?

Sounds like he's exhausted and zoning out in front of the TV might be just the thing

I had to collect the 6 year old from a club we all went together, I wouldn’t leave an 8 year old on his own at home and nor would he want to be left.
He’s had a bit of time in his room, some dinner and slowly is settling down.
Also I’m not pinning him down to cuddle him or anything I’m doing what he’s asked for but when I do it he’s jut angry (ie he asked me to read-I did it wasn’t long enough, wasn’t loud enough, wrong voice...)

Have you looked into getting outside advice? It sounds as if he's very anxious and stressed about school, and he possibly has sensory problems.

We had play therapy for a while as anxiety seemed to be manifesting itself as anger; I don’t think it helped. They attributed the anxiety to moving house but I don’t think that was the only issue-walking to school this morning he told me he had butterflies in his tummy...

He’s putting his anger with you because you’re the safest place. He sounds distressed, I’d be arranging a meeting with his teacher ASAP.

You need to be incredibly reassuring and firm, have a very quiet evening, stay with him while he goes to sleep. Don’t push him to tell you anything, just chat about nonsense, help him relax.

But you need to be on his side now, speak to his school, something’s wrong.

Quick tea, long bath and bed. First day back is exhausting....

Thanks hero I will talk to school

Hope this morning is going ok Whattodo