I have 3DC - DS1, 8yi, DS2 5yo and DD1 2yo.
DS1 and DD get on brilliantly. He looks out for her, helps do things for her, is excited to see her after school. Plays beautifully with her. He’s a sociable kid.
DS1 and DS2 get on great. A bit of the usual bickering but they play Lego for hours on end together, have the same interests and lots of mutual friends. Meet up in playground at school etc. It’s fab.
DS2 can’t stand DD. Not even sure if that’s the case - he barely acknowledges her existence. Totally ignores her, unless she comes near him while he’s engrossed in play, he thinks she’s going to interfere and he freaks out, starts yelling ‘she’s coming, get her away!’ Or just shouts her name and tells her to go away.
She is really chatty and happy and constantly trying to talk to everyone, and she’ll chatter away to him st the table and he’ll ignore her. I have to ask him to reply to her. He’s always been a bit like this to her, ignored her presence as a baby. Apart from a few really close relationships, he loves his own company and has an amazing capacity for immersive imaginative play and gets very angry when this is disturbed - which of course she does a lot.
Very very occasionally if I leave them alone in the bath together I watch through the door and see him smiling and sometimes laughing with her, but this is very rare.
It’s so hard, I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he seems so little and finds it hard to express his feelings. He gets loads of attention but I do think he struggles with not being the baby. He says he’d like to be able to play with her one day but just finds her very annoying and she spoils a lot of his fun. I try to explain she’s just little and needs to be taught how to play, but he has no desire to try and help her join in.
It’s upsetting me but also infuriating as I end up spending most of the time one on one entertaining her so she stays out of the boys’ way and i feel she’s at an age where she’d love to be getting stuck in, but I have to keep her away from DS2 to avoid conflict. She can’t really play with them in the playroom as it’s all Lego and she’lL. wreck it all, and I get that. But I just want him to be able to communicate with her and involve himself with her on some level. When DS1 isn’t around the atmosphere is miserable, they both just want to play with me but their needs are so different. Surely at 5and 2.5 there should be some kind of play they can get involved with together?
I have spoken to friends who say fighting is normal, but this isn’t even fighting - it’s just coexisting and no relationship at all. I’d much prefer some bickering if it meant some interaction at all!
Would love some advice, maybe a book recommendation, similar stories etc. Sorry for the essay!