I don’t get any pleasure out of being a mum at all. There, said it, I know I’m awful. I don’t hate my children, but I quite often feel like I don’t like them. Everything I do for them seems to much effort, and every time I hear ‘mam’ I want to scream. They’re so demanding. I don’t miss them when they’re at school or at grandmas for the night. I spend a lot of time wishing someone would just take them off my hands for a while. I feel like they restrict my life, I think I’d have friends if it wasn’t for them (I don’t have a single friend), I could go out more, I could further my career. I’ve seen all these posts of mums saying they’ll ‘miss their babies’ when they go back tomorrow or these emotional posts about children starting their first day at school and how emotional they’ll be but I don’t feel any of that and my youngest starts school tomorrow. My eldest (6 almost 7) argues with me constantly and has an answer for everything. My youngest (4 almost 5) is so lazy and would quite happily let everyone do everything for him (I don’t). Even the fact they won’t eat healthily and eat everything beige despite all my efforts pisses me off.
Why the hell do I feel this way? I wanted them, I wanted children, always did. So why do I feel this way? I actually hate myself for it, I’m a terrible mum 😢