Stop contact. Need advise

[Kacieann123]

This is a long post but desperately need advise

My daughter is 10years old. She sees her dad every fortnight. Doesn’t have contact in between because he doesn’t bother. When she comes back she is always in floods of tears due to a number of things.

When my daughter stays at her fathers she has to sleep in his bed due to him being in a bed sit. And doesn’t go to sleep until his ready to turn the tv off so she is always tired and emotional when she comes back. She is going through puberty and is showing signs of starting her periods. And she is not allowed to wear bras at his house. So she wears the same one for three days. She is very private and wants to get changed away from her father but there is no where for her to go. So has to get changed in front of him which makes her very uncomfortable. He has another daughter with his girlfriend but is my daughter is not allowed to spend any time with her sister because the girlfriend doesn’t like my daughter and doesn’t want her daughter to be anywhere near her. I don’t know the reason but he has said in the past that she doesn’t want him to have my daughter anymore. And just wants it to be her and him with the baby. Which upsets my daughter because she wants to see her sister.

This weekend he dumped my daughter on his mother (my daughters nan) so they could go out as a family without her. So his mother took my daughter and her cousin to a funday at a hospital and she won tickets so they went to collect a prize for the tickets she has accumulated. But her nan took her tickets and brought a bottle of wine with them. My daughters cousin got to keep her tickets and brought sweets with them. Her dad turned up to pick them up and didn’t say a word about it and told my daughter to whining.

There has been other things that have happened. Like his mother’s family dog went for my daughter because she wanted to sit in the sofa and the dog was on there. His mother said it was my daughters fault because it was the dogs sofa and made her sit in the floor. My daughter has come back with sunburn 5 times due to him not buying sun tan lotion. She comes back so emotional it’s hard to calm her down and the only person that can calm her down is my other half. It’s not fair on my daughter. She is now saying she doesn’t want to see him or his family anymore because they are horrible to her.

Am I right to stop contact?

I would stop contact based on what you've said.

I am not a person who'd stop contact lightly - I begged my daughters father to show some interest in her. But after reading that story I strongly suggest to prohibit contact, at least in the way it's happening now. Even if your daughter hadn't said anything herself, I'd prohibit it.

Not being allowed to wear bras and being forced to change in front of him, when she clearly doesn't want to, boarders on sexual abuse. The rest is emotional abuse - both by her father, his girlfriend and his mother!

It is always akward for seperated parents when one parent has to make-do with a bedsit, or even a lack of Bedrooms. You shouldn't stop contact as this will cause more problems than you have, but overnight stays under the current situation is out of the question. I encourage privacy in children as soon as they can do things without help, but maintain a balance so that they are not ashamed of their bodies. It seems like your DD is unhappy with the situation by openly discussing it with you, so she shouldn't be too surprised by your decision.