Feeling lost

[bigtony]

Eeee, im lost and dont know what to do.

We have a three week old baby boy, he is lovely! Alas mummy hasnt taken well to motherhood at all. I suspect she has some post natal depression, but she wont seek help and im loath to go behind her back and get people involved as i worry it will deeply affect her level of trust in me and nay lead her to close off more from anyway.

Anyway... little boy seems to struggle to sleep at night, often restless and agitated for many hours. Likely colic or constipation, or maybe just him being a baby and new to the world.

We sleep in seperare bedrooms, taking it turns to care for him at night so as not to wake the other. Such is her stress with him though, she now wants us to seperate so she can move in with her dad. Her idea is she will only then struggle 50% of the week, and she can relax the rest of the time.

Shes said she cant wait for me to go back to work, that my mum is interferring (surely all morher in laws do?!).

I feel useless and worthless, im loosing my best friend and wife. We had a great life before little boy, but hes changed everything for the worse. I risk loosing my marriage, my home, my sanity, im due to go back to work in a couple of weeks in a new job and i dont know if i have the confidence so now im worried about my job!

Mummy has more worries than me, i know that. Just dont really know what to do anymore. Love my little boy to bits, love my wife as well.

Eee, sorry for posting such a downbeat note!

Newborns don’t sleep, it’s just how they’re made and completely normal. It’s horrible but you just have to grit your teeth and get through it, it doesn’t last forever.

The one thing you can do for her is get your mother to back off. Just make sure she leaves your wife alone completely. My mil was overbearing and made me miserable. Thankfully my husband stepped in and managed it once he realised.

There’s plenty of time for grandmothers to get to know their grandchildren, they don’t need to do it all at once when they’re only a couple of weeks old.

Iv tried telling her that its just part of being a new born but she cant rationalise it. Shes spoken on a few occasions of regretting having him.

My mum isn't round all the time or always visiting, she babysat for us so we could have a night out and she gave us some advice around bottle prep, something the midwives never bothered to do.

I don't want my mum to back off completely, shes MY mum and i value her advice and guidance. My wife isn't breast feeding, so we are equal in our care giving, in our night shifts, everything. Iv even offered to take over her maternity leave and turn down a job so that she can go back to work early but she wont entertain the idea, its like she is punishing herself despite so many offers of help being put to her

It's essential that she gets some help and that you do too. Call your HV and ask them to come around for a visit, it doesn't have to be "about your wife" per we you can tell your wife you've asked her around for your benefit as you are struggling too. Once she gets talking the HV will realise what's going on and offer help.

I really hope you manage to convince her to get help, parenting can be hard when things aren't quite right but can be a joy when you both feel right.