I'm a struggling mess

[nononoyesno]

3.5yo and 8 month old. Older one goes to nursery 3 days. Today I am just broken, I have cried in front of them, I feel like I can't do it anymore. I haven't had more than a couple of hours sleep in a long time. DC2 has been struggling with solids, always had a sensitive tummy but awake a lot at night with discomfort. The other day she was sobbing in her sleep. Partner shares things as much as possible physically, has little of the mental load and anguish. Breastfeeding but introducing 1 formula feed for first wake up and will start to move onto formula soon. But worry sensitive tummy won't cope. I do most (all) wakeups in the night as she often wants to comfort feed. Naps are short, I had managed to get DC1 self soothing by this age (well probs not that much I did I think she was just ready) but not managed to with DC2. Partner has busy job etc and is knackered too. I go back to work in 6 weeks and don't feel ready. I'm not parenting well, I'm unfit, I feel lost. I think I need someone to remind me it will be ok.

Partner needs to start doing the night formula feed so you can get some sleep.

it sounds like you’re doing great... it also sounds very hard!! Please try not to compare your parenting first time round to this time, both your children are different and it sounds like your DC2 has a different temperament!

Keep strong and do what you need to do to get through this - including asking for help!! is there any help you can draw on around you? friends/family???

Thank you, you're right I do need to remember that babies are individuals and this one isn't the same. DC1 was a crap sleeper too (other than the self settling) but I either didn't feel quiet so hopeless or have blanked it out! No family nearby and friends all so busy with their own lives. My mum likes to tell me what a rubbish sleeper I was whenever I complain on the phone.
We went out this afternoon which helped and meant DC1 and I weren't at loggerheads, she's taking forever to get to bed at the moment which isn't helping!
Tonight partner is giving a bottle for first wake up which was at about 11. It sounds like she's not taking it, he's pacing and she is crying, it hurts my heart and by now I would have usually gone in and breastfed her, partly because I can't bear hearing her distressed and partly to keep the noise down. Tonight I'm holding out and reminding myself she's safe and looked after and protesting because it's not what she's used to but my god it's hard. And instead of sleeping I'm lying here worrying and posting!

sounds like you have a lot on your plate! i hope DC2 eventually settled 🤞🏽🤞🏽 it’s only natural to worry, and this time sleep probably feels harder to come by because it is, because you’ve got 2 children! as a side point, i think the NHS should have provisions to help parents of children with sleep issues from a young age... sleep deprivation is the worst!!

i hope you find some way of getting even one night off!? i hope she starts to take the bottle a bit easier for you - it’s hard when you feel like you don’t even get time in the evening to rest!

Thanks for being so kind. I ended up feeding her after over an hour of crying, but she then only woke once more in the night and had a breastfeed before starting the day at half six so a pretty good night all in all. We'll persevere with the bottle and I think I'll book a night in a hotel once she'll take it easily!