Calling parents of 3+ children who have little help looking after them

[GreatGooglyMoogly]

I can't decide whether we should have another child (#3). DH is often away with work and doesn't really help with the children when he is around plus we have no family/ other help nearby so I would be doing everything for 3 myself. I don't know if I could cope so tell me what it is about you that allows you to cope with 3 or more children!

Hiya

I've got 3 (a nearly 6 year old, 3 year old and 4 monther). I just really, really, really wanted another baby so we had one

If you can cope with 2, don't get too, too stressed and enjoy your kids then i'd say you will be fine In actual fact, for the most part, I only have 2 kids as DS is at school all day and by the time we get home, they play while I cook tea and then the bedtime routine starts. In the holidays, my eldest are good company and don't squabble too much so it is fine.

Better than fine, it is lovely and I would like one more if we do the maths and can afford it!

GGM
I think the kids ages make a difference and I think it depends on what you mean by "away a lot" and "dosen't really help"
I have three and oit is hard work - great but hard. Eldest is 14 and a fab and great help but second has special needs so that is tricky too. Smallest starts school in September and it will be the first time I have not had a toddler/small child at home in the day for 14years!!!!Blimey - no wonder i am tired.
Hubby leaves the house every day by 7 at the latest and is at home at 7.30 on a good day. So I have all the weekday stuff. He is however fab at the weekend taking the kids out and giving me a break where he can as well as doing all the cooking which is bliss, and usually the week shop too.
I think you need to be honest with yourself and assess what the impact will be - for instance if your youngest is 4 you are putting back any time of substance during the day for another four years. If yyoungest is one or two another one will not make such a huge difference and they may play together.
To all intents and purposes I had three only children as age difference and autism meant I was always the primary playmate and that can be hard.
It really does depend on your circs. I would not have had it any differently and their relationships now are golden to me. having my third was the best thing I ever did

GGM - you just need to be philosophical that the house may be messy, and you're going to be late for lots of things, and will never be invited anywhere with anything breakable. And invest in a pair of earplugs, and NEVER do anything within an hour either side of school pick up.

Other than that it's simple!

Thanks for all of your responses so far!

DS1 is 3.4 and DS2 is 19 months. If I have another it will not be for another year or two so DS1 will be at school by then. I am not terribly organised or routine-driven and I am not a morning-person! DH does nothing to help during the week (even when he isn't working away) and on the weekends we all go out and do family activities together. Therefore I have to decide whether I could manage the house, laundry, meals, etc and three children essentially on my own.

organisation & routine

I have 3 - ds1 is 3.7 and the twins are 18 weeks. DH works shifts leaves 7am home 4.30pm one week and leaves 3pm home midnight the next week.

Teatime, bath and bed are the worst but it gets done and they are all in bed asleep by 7.30pm. The dts are hard as they both want the same things at the same time and don't understanding waiting, at least with 3 at different ages they will have an understanding of a new baby needing things NOW!!

we don't have help, but ds1 is in pre school 3 days a week.

You can do it if you want although there will be moments but the closeness you will have to your "team" of children will make it worth it. I have done it with no support except dh although I did more. It really depends on if you want another or not. If you do, you can make it work,honestly.

I've found going from 2 to 3 much easier than I did 1 to 2. Number 3 just had to fit in with our routine and he did.

The baby is now 18 months and I have 2 dds 6 and 3. I agree with oooggs- bath and bedtime are usually the worst times as we're all tired but I manage. You do have to be pretty organised and I do believe in routine.

Dp runs his own business and so is usually out before dcs are up and gets in after they've gone to bed so I do it all on my own- although he does help out on sundays if he's not working.

It is hard work but its fun and well worth it. I'd say go for it if its what you really want x

hi
I have ds 3.10yrs,DD1 19mths and DD2 7mths. Dh works 7am till 7pm and we dont have anyone else who looks after the DC apart from the rare rare [like once a year] night out we may have!! It is ok but can take its toll some days. I would say 95% of the time it is great and the DC are fine but then that 5% can be extremely draining, however that can be the case even if you just have one. I would always do it over again so it cant be that bad

Also agree about beditme being worst, bathing three children at once and getting them to bed alone can be a military operation. Also keeping them entertained can be hard but then that also depends on the ages of your DC.

hi, i have 4. they are 8, 6, 4 and 11 months. dh works 8am to 5.30 pm and i work 6pm to 10/11pm. its all go, and hard work but i wouldnt change it. and i would even consider another one (but dont tell dh just yet )

I have 3 and dp s away from 6am to7pm but my kids are spread in ages
ds1 is 13 and is a vital help with dd aged 5
ds2 is 5 mths.

Am finding 3 as easy as 2 in that regard, if they were closer together it would be tougher I think...

I've got four (7,5, and dts 2) and I would really struggle if my dp worked away lots, but in the end you jsut ahve to get on wiht it. Best thing is to try to get the kids to muck in as much as possible and work as a team. Jsut little things like putting their own clothes away, dishes in dishwasher etc. And they are all responsible for tidying up after themselves. I also have the dts in preschool already, so that I have two mornings where I can get a lot done in.

I don't cook until they've gone to bed - can't watch them all and cook on my own, and I cook in bulk and freeze. Other jobs involve the dts 'helping' so that they get entertained at the same time. I don't bath them every night - every other. dd now showers herself too, I jsut turn it on for her to sort out temperature. You jsut find ways around everything.

GreatGooglyMoogly,

I waited a long time before having number four but I love it. And because the other three are older, they can help out. Follow your womans intuition on what is right for you and when it is right for you.