Am I a cruel Mother?

[DaniiSmith]

Hi everyone,

I really need some advice!

I'm a first time mother and my Daughter has just recently turned 6 months. We've started the solids process and I'm trying my hardest to give her fresh fruit, veg etc etc...

Now I'm a vegetarian, my partner isn't so we both decided to give our daughter fish, and if later in life she decided she would like to eat meat then I have no issue with that.

However, I went to a family bbq today, where I prepped veggies for myself and my daughter to eat. My family asked if I would like to try my baby with some meat... I said no. They then carried on saying to try her with crisps, coke and juice.
My response was absolutely not.

My mother and my sister called me cruel and it really hit a nerve. Am I? She's just turned 6 months, I'm not saying she can't ever try these things, I'm just desperate for her to get use to fresh veg and fruit and to enjoy them!

Am I being too rigid? Do I need to loosen up??

My MIL used to think I was cruel for not letting my 5 month old have chocolate. Fuck no was he having chocolate - what was the need??! YANBU - I've never heard of people pushing junk food on a 6 month old! You did the right thing.

It often takes the black sheep of the family to be the one with guts to tell everyone else how wrong they are. Keep doing what you are. I too am veggie as is dd. She has never been deficient in vitamins either. I had it checked. You are not a bad mother.

No child needs crisps or coke. If my sister said she was going to give it to my child when looking after them then she would never ne given the opportunity to have the child alone.

I don't like my DSs having coke now and they're 11 and almost 15. Obviously at these ages I can't stop them buying it themselves, but they rarely drink it. It's so bad for you let alone a 6 month old baby. YANBU in wanting to keep that sort of crap away from your baby.

Sorry, just realised this isn't AIBU. But same thing applies, you are definitely not being a cruel mother.

You are definitely not cruel

My DS is about to turn 1 and is being raised vegetarian, same as me & his Dad so obviously he doesn't have meat

Nor does he get fizzy drinks, squash or sugar in his weetabix (despite my Grandma's protestations!). I occasionally give him a couple of PomBears or Wotsits but very rarely and he's had 2 chocolate buttons in his life

I have a sweet tooth and eat too much crap and I'm trying to do better for him. I give him fruit, yogurt, veggie straws etc and eat a chocolate bar myself 😩

Not cruel at all. My parents have said the same to me about giving my daughter juice or fizzy drinks - “Just for a treat!” etc. She’s 17 months, she doesn’t need fizzy drinks and there’s no point giving her a taste for it.

The bloody irony is they never let me have fizzy drinks when I was little and now they’re desperate to
give them to my daughter!

Your family doesn't sound very nice and I would take a big step back from them for a while to think about what kind of relationship you want with them. Then set boundaries.

In absolutely no way on planet earth are you cruel and they seem very bizarre.

(I eat meat by the way. It’s simply not a necessity at all and the other food/drink is positively terrible for a baby so you are protecting your baby from that!)

The ILs wanted to give my youngest coke when he was under a year. 😶

I didn’t do the vegetarian thing but did the clean eating thing and DS now prefers fruit to most sweet things (he’s never had a sweet, he’s 4!) and loves 75% of vegetables and salads.

SIL’s children however are junk food eaters and live on pot noodles and haribo. They are sick constantly. I don’t mean stuff that goes round school, I mean stomach aches, vomiting, feeling nauseous, INDIGESTION at 5!

We do what we can and healthy food is your thing. Tell them it’s not their choice.

Guess that means none of them will ever be looking after the baby, then. Oh dear, what a shame for them.

Well they just ruled themselves out of alone time with your DD didn't they!

We are vegetarian and so is DD (13 months) although we do allow her fish. If she wants to eat meat when she's old enough to choose then fine, however, right now it's our choice and she's not missing out on anything nutrition wise.

Vegetarianism aside.. crisps and coke are no foods for a baby! DD will be lucky if she gets to have coke before she's 10 (I say this as a huuuuge coke lover, who was probably addicted at one point in my younger years - and yes, I mean the drink!).

Their ignorance is astounding, well done for standing your ground!

Try a 6 month old with crisps and coke?? Absolute weirdos! You don't give that to a 6 month old !

People are strange, you’re definitely not cruel.
Mil and older family members have been pressuring me to feed ds food from 12weeks.. no not a chance. We did wean early 5 n a half months but that’s to help his reflux well hopefully.

We’ve also been told one new food a day max, use it as your excuse if you want to. I did and still do. It’s not an excuse in our case as DS had a bad allergic reaction to kiwi and a minor reaction to strawberries but if I’d given him even a fruit smoothie pouch thing I’d possibly be playing guess the allergy with several ingredients. At the moment we do one food meals or mixed things he’s already had for that sake. Hopefully we’ll have no more reactions cause that one was bloody terrifying.

I can't believe this. Coke isn't even a food. It's liquid chemicals. Why would anyone give it to a child let alone a baby.

No you are NOT cruel. Nothing wrong at all with offering wholesome food rather than junk.

I remember listening -horrified- outside the entrance to playgroup when our kids were 2.5 and hearing parents say how they had been to McDonalds. A few months in & other parents were saying “ohhhh Ben had his first McDonald’s today” & others were saying they were planning to go next week etc. Made me inwardly sneer I’m afraid.

Now Of course DC is a teen they eat as much junk as they can get their hands on (spending their own pocket money) and turn their nose up at healthy home cooked meals. I can only hope they regain their taste for proper food eventually.

Ignore them. You are not cruel by not feeding your 6 month old crap.

Do what crisps and coke for a baby? I think youre family are more cruel to even suggest it

Of course you are not a cruel mother. You sound very loving and caring.
Avoding crisps, coke and juice is completely sensible. You mention not being opposed to giving your dc meat, but please ensure you are knowledgable on the risks of an exclusively vegetarian or vegan diet for new borns / toddlers.

"Research on children in the Netherlands being fed a particularly strict plant-based macrobiotic diet showed they suffered nutrient deficiencies and retarded growth, mainly between the ages of six and 18 months." theconversation.com/why-vegan-diets-for-babies-come-with-significant-risks-108466

I actually think that you are winding us up on the Coke and crisps. Nobody is that stupid.
The meat on the other hand is your choice but please read up on the ways to give your baby the correct diet so that they get the nutrients they need.

Not to be rude, but your family is the problem.
You're doing fine.
And no, nobody normal gives their recently turned 6 month old baby coke and crisps. Even people who are pretty relaxed still wouldn't usually give such a young one crisps and coke.

They're just making you feel bad for no reason. Learn to let it go in one ear and out the other. Pay no attention at all. Just block it out.

I was once at a party with my daughter and her family (not my side). Her grandfather let her cousin, who was around 6 months old then, drink from his cup. I uttered something very shocked and he just laughed and said "It's just coke and water!". Obviously I knew it was coke, that was why I reacted to shocked! The grandfather assumed my reaction was due to me thinking there was alcohol in it!

That was years ago, but apparently that's normal in this family and in their social group. My daughter visited last year for a week and at that time she had another baby cousin, aged 8-9 months. According to my daughter (and she's very trustworthy) the baby was mainly fed crisps, sweets and coke. At the same time his mother was whining about "why is he so fat!?". They seemed to be seriously baffled, because their other children (2 older ones between them) were fed the same way and weren't fat.

@Greggers2017 I really wish I was winding you all up.

Sorry, my post was supposed to be an answer to "I actually think that you are winding us up on the Coke and crisps. Nobody is that stupid"