Leaving newborn....

[Emsie1987]

When my baby was 3 weeks I left him with my husband for one hour to go food shopping and I missed him terribly. Tomorrow I have a baby shower to go to and most likely will be out of the house for about 5 hours. I am taking my baby who is now 4 weeks old as I don't want to be without him for that long.

My in laws were due to visit this weekend but we were out all day today and I will be out most of tomorrow. I'm guessing they will will try and come in the morning before I go out to see baby and I'm expecting comments like why don't you leave baby with husband etc. My husband is a fantastic dad and really helpful and good with the baby and I m happy with an hour or so but for most of the day I don't think I could do it. Am I right In feeling this way? How do I reply to these comments I'm going to receive? X

Just say how you feel and baby with you. It's ok to not want 5o leave your baby.

I'm assuming your baby is not EBF then OP, as you would not be able to leave him that long without a feed. It's perfectly natural to not want to leave a baby so young for any amount of time so don't feel guilty about it. Blame your hormones if you have to and say you can't be parted from your newborn for a long period.

Mine is 2 and a half and I still feel like this. It’s completely natural. Don’t feel in any way guilty about it. Just tell them you would miss him and you would rather take him with you. It’s not really anything to do with them anyway surely?

I’d just say ‘I don’t feel comfortable leaving him yet’ and leave it at that

It doesn’t matter what any of us think (I personally felt different about each of my children at this age depending on a whole host of factors). It matters how you feel. Be very strong but kind in any replies e.g oh no, I couldn’t do that I’d be a wreck by the time I got there! Laugh... move quickly on. They don’t get to make these decisions.

I felt exactly the same as you. I think that's a normal way to feel and I'm sure they will understand if you explain to them. I took my DD to a baby shower with me and she was about 5 months as I didn't want to leave her that long. Just do what you feel comfortable with and don't feel pressured into leaving them if you don't want to.

If you're not ready you're not ready. That is all you need to say and they shouldn't argue with you, you're mummy therefore you are in charge of this!

I left my son with my parents over night at 4 weeks. He is ebf but I express for 2 bottle feeds a day (have been since he was 2 weeks and dp went back to work) I just pumped more for that night. To be truthful, I cried for a few hours after dropping him off, I questioned my decision and dp had to talk me out of calling my mum to bring him back. But after that, it was lovely to cuddle with my dp, our dog and have a take away and watch TV.

I have to say getting him back at 10 the next morning was just heaven because I missed him so much!!! He's 7 weeks old now and he's had days at both my parents and dps parents too (he won't be having another over night for a while, I missed him too much)

I agree with previous comments. If you're not happy to leave your baby yet then don't! You don't have to justify it, just explain nicely that the plan is for baby to come with you.
I felt pressured into leaving my baby with PILs before I was ready and I had a miserable time out and ended up coming back early

It's hard to judge. I was like this with my eldest and didn't want to leave him. But I did have PND and anxiety and just generally needed to unclench for the first few months of his life. By the time I had my youngest I was very much 🤷‍♀️ and happily left him much earlier.

I do think it's odd you're not happy to leave your baby with DH though, even just for an hour. He is the child's father and should be just as capable as you of looking after them.

Just say you don’t want to. You don’t. It’s normal

Mine is nearly 6 months and I haven’t left her for more than an hour because I’m lucky and haven’t had to, she’s bf and feeds often, I don’t want to. She has a lovely bond with her dad, family members and our friends. I’m not leaving her when I don’t want to so I’m not.

Unless you're exclusively breast feeding YABU. Your husband is as much a parent as you are - you need to trust him!

I feel like people get too pressured to leave babies early nowadays. You've grown a whole human being and he's been with you for 9 months, it's not a bad thing to not want to leave him. It's completely natural mothering instinct. I think you just say that you enjoy spending time with your baby and don't feel ready to leave him yet, nothing more than that and please don't let them make you feel bad about it.

My third baby is 10mo and I still haven't left her for more than an hour and even that felt awful. You are perfectly within your rights to feel like this. Just tell them how you feel and dont be guilted into anything.

Thanks for all your comments. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being too much. I feel like i am being unfair to my husband taking the baby out all day with me when his perfectly capable of looking after him just because I will miss the baby too much. Especially seeing he works all week and only has the weekends with him now. And I feel like the in-laws will also take this view and not understand why I want/need him with me.

I am happy to leave baby with husband it's more I don't want to for long periods because I'll miss him. Husbands really good with him. Could even say better than me sometimes.

I didn't want to leave my baby when he was little - I remember getting really upset just going to the local Tesco without him!

It's fine to want to be with him, your in laws might be a bit miffed but there's plenty of time for them to hang out in the future.

You’re fine. He’s tiny, you’ve had him literally being part of you for nine months, there’s no desperate hurry to be apart from him.

Op, your feelings are important and PILs don't get to tell you what to do in this respect. However, I do feel a little sorry for your husband, if he is not getting quality alone time with your DC to bond. It won't feel the same for him when you are there, and it sounds like you are currently getting 95% of the alone time with your baby. Perhaps you can gradually increase as you are comfortable, giving him a little more time now and again, and taking the time to rest and rebalance.

Congratulations on your still very new baby! 😊

When i had my dd (shes 7 now) i was living at home. I found the first few weeks soo hard i wouldnt let anyone else do anything except my mam. I remember my mam sending me with DP out for an hour to get some space. I cried in the bathroom while getting ready and in the car i literally came home on the hour. I just wasnt ready to leave her. Btw i trusted my mam 100% , i just wasnt ready to leave her!
And she slept for the hour, didnt even notice me gone!!

It's perfectly normal! My DH booked me a surprise spa day with a friend so that I could have some time to myself away from the baby and he booked the day off work. I didn't want to leave our 6 week old baby for the day. I knew he would be fine with her and it wasn't because I didn't trust him but it felt so unnatural to walk out of the house without the baby. I did it but it was difficult and I couldn't relax. At the time I didn't appreciate his thoughtfulness but I do now.

If you don't want to leave your baby then don't. There are no rules that say you have to. Ignore the in laws. It's none of their business.