He won't use the potty or toilet at nursery

[Matonic]

Ds is 2.8 years and he has been using the potty on and off for about three months. We've talked about potty training lots during that time - he's at nursery four days a week and all his nursery friends are at some stage of potty training, and ds enjoys updating me on their progress.
The week his best mate at nursery moved from nappies into pants, ds announced that he wanted to "do potty training now" and so we explained the ground rules (big-boy pants, wees and poos in the potty) and made a big fuss about designing a starchart and buying gold and silver stars from W H Smith.
That was ten days ago. Since then he has been very good, uses the potty, even uses the toilet, even uses the toilet standing up ("like Daddy!") on occasion, and has been mostly dry at night. All on one condition: that I am there with him. And of course I'm not there at nursery.
So, he has accident after accident at nursery. The staff all say it doesn't matter, it won't last long, but in a week and a half now he has just peed and pooed in his pants. Then I take him home and the first thing he does inside the house is pull his pants and trousers down and use the potty!
I've talked to him about it, trying to find out if there's anything in particular putting him off and all he says is: "I only want to tell Mummy".
What to do? I can't put him back in nappies just to go to nursery - can I? I've no reason to think it's anything the nursery staff have done or not done, so do we just ride it out? Has anyone else had a similar problem and how was it resolved?

Will he do wees & poos with his dad? Perhaps that would be a first step to take at home. Also if he wants to be like his best mate maybe you could stress that best mate will go to the loo without his mummy.
It's very difficult, & with ds I did put him back into nappies for a while as he wasn't quite ready, but it sounds as if yours is, just will only 'perform' for you. Does he get uncomfortable & upset when he does it in his pants? It is very hard when you're not there. Boys can be funny - my ds still likes help wiping his bum, even though at nursery he does it himself - they do like to have their mums around! I would stick it out, I think, maybe extending the star chart into nursery time (but you're probably already doing that)

I would be inclined to have a chat with him praising him for all the "big boy" things he's doing, then tell him that if he's not ready to be a big boy at nursery then that's OK too and he can have a nappy on then. Thinking that he's not going to be allowed to be a big boy like his friends might make a difference.

is there a key worker at nursery whom you like and could explain the situation to? then the 3 of you could have a talk, saying that as he's a big boy X is going to look after him at nursery, and whenever he needs to go to the toilet, s/he's there to help.

if they're formally introduced , it might make it easier for him to get over what seems to be shyness. he's obviously ready (and doing really well most of the time from sound of it)

it's in the key worker's interest too, since s/he's probably the one who has to change him every time... ask her to prompt him a lot for the next few days

i mean, they obviously know each other already, but by 'formally introduced' i meant as toilet partners or whatever

Lol at the formally introduced!!

Is he in the toddler or pre-school room at nursery?? There is a reason for my asking.

Sorry, everyone, I start a thread and then end up working away so I can't get to the computer!

Yes, he has a key worker, whom he likes and who has been his key worker for about seven or eight months now, so no formal introduction necessary - and she was very enthusiastic about ds moving up to pants (bet she's regretting that now!). When he goes in in the mornings, she often says, 'now remember, when you need to do a wee, come and tell me' - and ds just looks mutinous and shakes his head.

He'll definitely use the toilet with his dad - he thinks that's great fun. If I'm not around and daddy is, then daddy will do - I didn't make that clear in my first post.

He's in the toddler room, woodpops. As some of his friends have moved up to the preschool room in the last few weeks, ds has been asking when he can go to the preschool room, and we haven't lost the opportunity to say, 'I think you have to be potty trained to go to the preschool room'.

I'm interested by TraceyP's post that he could wear a nappy at nursery and pants at home - tbh, I think that would suit ds at the moment, but everything I've read or been told on the subject suggests that they should either have one or the other and not chop and change - except at night of course, which is ironic, since he has become dry at night almost immediately.

Having said all that, he did a humungous poo in his pants this evening while watching Bob The Builder and seemed not a bit concerned by this, so I may be exaggerating the extent of his potty training at home.

We might have a breakthrough! He did one wee on the potty at nursery - at one of their stipulated times rather than by request - but even so ...
Also when we had our 'end of day' chat at bedtime, ds was saying how much he liked Cathy, one of the staff in his nursery room (tho not his key worker) and I asked if he could talk to Cathy when he needed to wee. He thought about this and said, yes, he could. Which is more than he has conceded so far!
Also, dp brought home a present for the boy who did a wee on the potty at nursery, which was a battery-operated Thomas The Tank Engine to go with his green Percy. When I had my chat with ds this evening, I said that when he does all his wees and poos on the potty at nursery, then he'll be properly potty trained and that will be great won't it, and ds replied, "yes, and then Daddy will get me a Henry present."