Family doesn't bother

[mummytotwogirlies]

Hi all
Soooooo this is just me having a rant but I'm sick of mine and OH families , I've only got my mother and brother and they don't care about my child , my mum will happily ring me for a chat about life etc but never ask to see my daughter or do anything with her but if I ask her to watch her she will sometimes but that's literally just say infront of the tv watching YouTube she doesn't want to do nothing with her and then there's my OH family , a big family his mother doesn't bother with our daughter but she sees her other grandchild who's a boy , she lives a 7 min drive down the road but doesn't bother for 6-7 months it's actually been 8 months now and then randomly get a text that she wants to take our child out with other grandchild and then because it was convenient for us at the time our daughter was round her friends house she gets shitty with us , MIL absolutely hates me we had a falling out a few years ago over her not bothering and then I apologised to make peace everything was fine but then she's made so much shit up about me , told my partner I slagged his Nan off etc when I haven't and said I told her she couldn't see our daughter when I never said none of that partner believes me as I got every single message up and showed him everything , I've seen random
Messages sent out the blue to him that I'm a terrible mum (which I'm not bothered about because I know I am not) that she's always known he could do better than me (no offence OH but since we've been together 11 years he now has his own business and we've really done a lot better than we first met) he always says I'm the driving force behind us bless him , and yeah it's just random hate that tbh I'm
Confused about as we did used to get on so I though but she's obviously resented me for years ... even asked if we could pop in last Xmas so our daughter could see her and her kids and that but got sent a message saying no and saying they weren't doing nothing then we found out other grandchild and all family round there having a good old Xmas and she admitted it's because she doesn't like me even though we was happily texting a few weeks before ... I'm just so confused but basically when she randomly messages once or twice a year saying she wants to see our daughter and if we don't drop everything and give in to her demands she tells people that she's sad she doesn't see our daughter but she does try but we don't let her ... sorry guys know it's long winded needed a rant and feel bad for chewing OH ear off about it and maybe some opinions ? Do I cut contact until
She actually tries a bit more ? Do I drop everything when she decided to text (btw this will be a text saying can I take her out like an hour before she wants to take her out) paranoid me says it's because she doesn't like me and OH planning anything good to do anything together ?
It did used to get me down but now we. Just enjoy our family days out , if we desperately need a bit of us time we buy her a new dvd etc and she goes to bed an hour early , I suppose I'm just hurt that my daughter is left out and completely confused where this hate for me has come from ... thanks everyone xxx

I wouldn't cut them off, as they're your OH family, but I would ask them to join you when you are celebrating something like your child's birthday, or Mother's Day, or any other occasion, YOU are the one making an effort and all you have to do is be nice and show them what a great mum you are. If they choose not to come it is their loss and this way perhaps they can spend time with their grandchild but on your terms. Your child also would know their grandparents from that side of the family, as that is very important, if your child decides in the future that they're not bothered for continuing the relationship that is for them to decide when they are older, but at least you have done your bit.

Thanks for the advice , we do that already but there always busy but I will carry on with the invites etc as then like you said I've always done my bit and my daughter can do that when she's older , just heartbreaking for me ... oh doesn't care about them and says to forget them but I just can't for some reason x
But Thankyou for replying I shall do that xx

If it was anyone other than a 'grandparent' would you willingly have someone so poisonous in your DD's life? Just because she's her grandmother does NOT mean she should be in your lives.

Imagine the poison she will fill your DD's ears with about you. If you allow her unsupervised access you may well find that you lose your DD because your MIL has deliberately set out to do that. There are plenty of threads on MN where that has happened and the posters are broken-hearted. Don't let that be you in 15 years time.

Oh is there ? I tried to look so I didn't have to post but couldn't find none , can you give me an idea what to search ?
And no I wouldn't I suppose I'm so desperate for her to have family because I grew up with a big family but I need to seriously think about this now because your 100% right , Thankyou ...
should I just invitee her to birthday parties and that so we're all there and not let her have any form of unsupervised contact ?
I mean there generalised things I've told you about scratching the surface as I'm worried if I go into more detail there might be some chance she or one of her friends could see this thread so didn't want to personalise it but yeah she's done a lot more of really weird evil stuff tbh so to me since she's really kicked off the hate campaign I've not felt comfortable with DD being alone with her and tbh that's when she's really started to not bother ... it used to be every 3-5 months she would bother with seeing DD and now it's been 8 months and she asked once about a month and half ago ...
tbh it's exactly what you said about her trying to poison dd against me and also I think to myself what is it going to do mentally to my DD knowing her grandmother happily doesn't bother but sees the other grandchild so much ?!
Xxx