Can anyone help me with what’s age appropriate?

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

I have a seven year old DS and I’m really struggling with what independence I should be giving him at this age. He seems so grown up at times but at the same time still very young
I feel like I may be babying him a little and as he’s about to go into juniors I’d appreciate some guidance.
He has no technology in his room and I’m aware that he’s unusual among his friends for this. He is able to use, with supervision, family iPad, tv, PlayStation etc. He can use his wii unsupervised but it’s in the living room so we’re still around.
He doesn’t ‘play out’, largely as we don’t really know the neighbors it we’re hoping to move next year so that could change.
Toilets? Still comes into the ladies with me unless somewhere like a costa where the toilet is one room so he can go in alone with me outside.
Coming downstairs on his own in a morning. He gets up really early and I always get up with him but again, he has friends and cousins who get up alone.
Teeth - once a day we brush then the other time he does.
God I feel like I’m talking about a toddler I honestly have no idea where to let go!

Sounds perfect to me. Some people are in a huge rush to get their kids to grow up and to me, giving a 7 year old unsupervised gaming or WiFi time is hugely irresponsible.

My 7 year old had access to games on family Ipad (in flight safe mode) rarely. Maybe once every few months. Uses the ladies toilets unless somewhere I feel is very safe and family friendly. Doesn’t play out but we don’t live in an area where anyone does.

I brush his teeth sometimes and sometimes he does. Dentists recommend parents to do it until at least 8 I think.

He gets up alone and makes himself breakfast whilst I shower. Just porridge oats with milk in the bowl and in the microwave for 2 mins.

The only thing I did differently to you with DS was that I didn’t always get up with him in the mornings, he asked to be allowed to do his own breakfast at weekends. He showed me he was capable of setting the toaster, getting the toast out/buttering etc by himself, so he was allowed to do this.

DC3 is 8, if I have to start work early, I leave her a cereal bowl and box of cereal on the worktop and she sorts her own t out.

We still have no tv’s upstairs, but older 2 have laptops (secondary) and they have iPads which are allowed in bedrooms, but checked regularly.

What jobs does he have to do around the house? Folding and putting away clean clothes, emptying dishwasher, emptying bins, dusting etc all help to foster self care and independence

Sounds pretty much the same as me. I can’t think of a single good parenting reason why a 7 year old would have any tech in their room, if you don’t know families he can play out with then why would he, we get up with DD, not much fun her sitting alone having breakfast (if she has siblings I’m sure this would be different) and her dentist said we should clean her teeth ourselves for as long as she would let us!

Thanks all, I feel like I’m a little out of step with his peers so I’m always worrying! He does a few bits to help around the house - tidying his room, dusting the skirting boards, helps with the weeding etc. He’ll put his clothes away etc as well so I have no worries there.
I’ve never really been bothered about TV and watch very little so I never know what’s normal in other families.

Regarding playing out we live in a quiet cul de sac and there are kids his age that he says hello to. As he doesn’t go to the local school they aren’t friends but I’m sure he’d love to be out with them, it just makes me nervous.

At 7 the only tech ds had was the Wii in the living room which we played as a family.

He was allowed out to play with the boy who was a year older across the road, but they were not allowed to leave the quiet cul de sac and were watched from a window.

The rest is similar to us. I wouldn't leave a 7 year old up alone either.

This is making me feel much more confident thank you! I think the shift from being the oldest in infants to the youngest in juniors is making me wonder if he should be more independent if it seems we’re doing ok

My ds is 7:
He has no technology in his room and an iPad is the only technology we have at all. He's allowed iPad in bed once a fortnight as a treat, apart from that we're in the same room.
Toilets, usually take him to the ladies but have started to loosen the reins if a place seems quite safe EG a small soft play. I still wait just outside though.
He's just started wanting to play outside and I walk him to the spot where his friends are then check on him every ten minutes. His friends parents are much more relaxed so I do feel ott.
He is allowed to come downstairs in the morning by himself but he doesn't as he prefers to get into bed with me.

They still have a lot of growing up to do at 7, I'm in no rush!

Having TVs and other devices in their room has absolutely nothing to do with independence!

Brushing teeth: It's recommended to brush your child's teeth until they are around 8-9, because before that they can't do it properly. My daughter used to brush her teeth herself in the morning and in the evening she brushed first and then I did - until she was 9, I think.

Toilet: There are stalls anyway, so I don't think it matters which toilet he uses. Showers would be a different thing. My son is only 2, so I don't know when I will send him to the men's showers, but at latest when he starts feeling uncomfortable or girls his age feel uncomfortable with him being there.

Getting up: At that age my daughter was perfectly capable of getting up herself. Sometimes I had to leave for work early, so she'd get ready by herself with me already gone. However, on most days I didn't start early and woke her up. I just think it's nice to be woken up gently by a loving person and get a good morning kiss.

Playing outside: Let him play! He won't get to know the children, if he never plays with them.

I don’t think a tv in the room is about independence, more that he is unusual among his peers. He’s perfectly capable of getting up alone and does so at 5.30 every day! At which point I also get up so my question was do I leave him to it? He never gets woken with a kiss as he’s always the first up!

"I don’t think a tv in the room is about independence, more that he is unusual among his peers."
Does that bother you? I do that I am convinced is best for my children and I wouldn't put a TV in their room, knowing it's very shit for them, just because others have it.

No way in hell would I get up at 5:30!

My son is 3 years old. He gets up on his own, goes downstairs and puts the telly on until I get up (never far behind him). He brushes his own teeth (with supervision). And he plays out with the other kids where we live (we live on a green which he knows to stay on). I feel really neglectful now 👀 the only thing I do which you do is take him to the toilet

Dd will be 8 in 3 months. She has to come with me to the loo but uses a separate cubicle. Again, unless it's a single room one then she goes in alone.

She has no tech in her room and won't as long as I can manage. We don't either. She can use her Tablet unsupervised downstairs. That's the only tech we have.

She comes downstairs after a set time and puts Netflix on. Dh or I get up within 30mins of her coming down. She makes her own cereal or toast.

She bathes alone (we help with hair washing if she asks) but we are close by- bathroom off utility so we do laundry etc.

We've started sending her into the corner shop alone (I'm right outside the door) to buy milk or ice cream just to see how she gets on.

At the beach she can go down to the sea alone and into it and we watch from "base" or are nearby if her little bro wants to go in. However we are lucky that our beach is small, shallow a long way out, always 3 lifeguards on etc.

smartplay it doesn’t bother me at the moment hence why I’ve stuck to what I’m doing but I’m very aware that as he gets older he’ll start feeling peer pressure. My job is to balance that not just assume my rules are right!
raphael don’t feel like that we’re all just doing our best
Bernadette that sounds similar to me. If he wants to get something with his pocket money he goes to the till himself etc.

Fab post been wondering same thing as DD is 7 and just about to go into jnrs.
She will make her own cereal and gets her own drinks but if she wants toast or something that needs microwaving I will do that, tbh she’s never shown an interest in wanting to. She gets up on her own and has her own tablet, but it’s a specialised kids one so she can’t access internet etc. No tv in bedroom. I don’t monitor her play on it but it times out after an hour. She can have in her room if she wishes. She baths alone but I come in and do shampoo as she doesn’t wash this out properly! Does teeth alone and is allowed to go to the public toilet on her own pretty much anywhere if we are out.

Do you let them pick what they want to wear in the morning? This is one I haven’t quite loosened the reins on yet!! And also when it comes to buying clothes struggling with what’s age appropriate. (Some of her peers are allowed to wear fun crop tops and river island leather jackets) I’m still dressing her in rainbows and knee high socks lol. This is the one I feel she kicks back on the most.

Am I the only one that hasn’t even previously considered letting DD play outside alone? We have a park literally right next to our flat that can be seen from our living room window and not a chance in hell Would I let her out unsupervised. Too many child snatching horror stories!! (But she does beg for this one!)

Do you let them pick what they want to wear in the morning? This is one I haven’t quite loosened the reins on yet!!

I offer to get an outfit or ask her if she wants to. She never complains about what I choose. She makes questionable choices but I only interfere if they aren't weather appropriate. She's got quite good at checking the weather before picking.

She is quite a simple dresser - leggings and tops, dresses and tights. Sometimes denim shorts and a t shirt. If we are shopping together she gets some say. But we both hate shopping so I just pick the odd bit up when I'm out anyways if there's something she needs.

thunder I’m fine about clothes he more or less suits himself. Sometimes a bit of a colour clash but if he likes it I’m ok with it. Some of his friends have started wanting branded trainers etc but he just likes bright colours. I only really get involved if he chooses jeans and a jumper when it’s 30 degrees

@EnglishGirlApproximately Do you really think there will be peer pressure to have a TV in the bedroom? Do children care about that when visiting their friends to play?
My daughter often had children round for whom the TV was the center of their house/apartment ... it took many of them years to realise we don't have a TV at home. I think it's mainly parents who make a big thing out if that.

@thunderandsunshine01 Children being abducted, abused or killed by stranger hardly ever happens. And children who are confident are less likely to become victims. Your child won't become confident by not being allowed any independence.

I have a DS who has just turned eight. He's allowed to come downstairs and watch TV in the morning when he gets up, and as he's got two younger siblings, his bedtime is later than theirs so if DH is out he can watch TV alone in the living room until his bedtime as I'm upstairs feeding the baby. Otherwise he sits and watches it with DH or they play games and generally spend a bit of 'lads time' together. He's also allowed to brush his own teeth but I check them afterwards. He can play out but only to a sports court which is a minute walk from my house, he knows he's not allowed past there and plays with his friends from school. He can make his own cereal, nothing else at this stage and he's a trendy little dude so will often chat to me about what he wants to wear and does his own hair (with styling wax)
I've found that little bits of independence have made him more confident and mature. He loves his extra time in the evening after his siblings are in bed as that is 'his time' which, with a baby and a toddler in the house, I feel he's as entitled to as the adults. He's an absolute gem at playing nicely with his 3yr old sister during the day and he enjoys his own program in the evenings. He will often come up and sit on my bed whilst I feed my youngest DS and we'll have a bit of a chat.
I was worried about letting him play out, but we had some important conversations about safety beforehand and he's very trustworthy around sticking to boundaries.
Technology is the main one I'm strict about. He doesn't have any access to Internet on any device, he has a special kids tablet that has downloaded games and he knows he can't play anything that I haven't seen and allowed. He has a Wii and Xbox in the playroom that he's allowed to play unsupervised but they have no internet connection and the PlayStation is in the living room where he only plays if we're around. That being said, I'm also pretty strict on him playing plenty of other activities (drawing/Lego/imagination games) rather than computers all of the time and I find he and his sister just want to play outside in the garden in the nice weather mainly.

Sorry I've just seen how long that was!I'll blame baby-brain for the rambling!

My DS is also 7 and going into juniors. He has no tech in his room. He gets up early though and gets himself dressed and teeth cleaned then plays some switch or watches TV then will make his own breakfast. We check his teeth by looking at them at night but he is a very sensible 7 so does a good job.
YouTube is banned completely in our house but like I said he has a switch, I have set parental controls so he can have a max of one hour a day and only plays age 7 or less games.
He still comes in the ladies with me although I’m starting to feel a bit awkward having him in the ladies change for swimming as there are girls from his school who are older and in there so I’ve sent him in the men’s sometimes. It is children’s swim lessons only so no actual men changing. I also let him walk to the postbox alone as it isn’t far and no road crossing involved. He doesn’t play out though.

Useful thread. My DS only turned 7 this holiday and I feel like he is very ‘young’ for Y3.
He chooses his clothes and gets ready in the morning. Wets the bed almost nights so usually needs a quick shower which I turn on for him.
REALLY wants me to get up with him, whatever time it is and thinks I’m very lazy (or ill) if I stay in bed past about 7am.
Not at all independent with making food. Thinks his older sister (10) knows and can do ANYTHING.
Rides his bike well, doesn’t play out as there are no children nearby. Is allowed to park 3 minutes away with sister or if a friend is round.
Allowed use of iPad but only plays simple games. No internet access.
Netflix, supervised, holidays and weekends.
Thinks reading is ‘work’ so won’t do it...

Watching with interest. My eldest is 6YO and I'm trying to encourage a little bit more independence.

It was a long time ago now and my own mum probably wasn't the model parent, but I remember being allowed to play out when I was 6YO. I did have my older brother with me though and we did live in a cul de sac.

He still comes to the ladies with me, but he looks older than his age and I have had some comments and funny looks recently. My DH always says male toilets are disgusting though and would sooner he used the ladies!

He gets himself up on the weekend, but usually comes and sees me. He generally sleeps until 8 on a weekend so I'm happy to get up then.

I don't agree with TV etc in his room. The kids do have access to a tablet and Nintendo switch. And obviously get to watch telly. But I'd sooner it wasn't in their room because otherwise they would be on it all night instead of sleeping.

@SmartPlay yes of course, I’d just hate to end up the exception. My daughter is 7 and still only just about 1.1metres tall so I just feel like she’d look very vulnerable and a bit of a sitting duck unattended in a park or street. It’s personal choice I suppose, but I’d imagine it would be a good couple of years before I start on this one.

Maybe it’s just me but it seems mental to me that some would trust to let them outside on their own but then won’t let them go to into a public loo without supervision. Can I ask why this is? Seems to mainly those with DS rather than DD. Is it the whole urinal thing with grown men around? Just curious!

I wouldn’t still be getting up with him and I would worry about him not playing out. But the other things sound pretty typical.