I'm struggling with how to approach my in laws on how they treat my child.
My daughter is fantastic. Artistic, intelligent, witty and interesting....she's also autistic. High functioning but it does effect her everyday life. She finds some situations stressful and needs a lot of forward planning, structure and reassurance.
When we go out she has ways of coping (stimming) she hand flaps and hops from foot to foot at times. And when she's particularly excited about something she makes animal noises. People are generally sweet about it and we don't often get people who comment or stare.
She's ten btw. I know autism isn't a visible thing but you can tell by looking at my child that she isn't like other children.
She also has some issues with food and gas to follow a strict diet which she's great with.
My in law problem is that they've never wanted much to do with her. We see them every couple of weeks, we go to theirs. They've never come to us but I'm ok with that. They have other grandchildren who they see a lot they mind a couple of them through the week doing school runs etc. They take the others on day trips, they have sleep overs and they get invited over to play etc. My beautiful girl is ten and has never spent any time alone with them let alone a day trip etc. Every year they plan a day trip in the holidays and for the last few years I've asked if my girl can go and that I'd come too if they felt they couldn't cope etc but once again I'm having to make excuses to my girl as to why she wasn't invited again this year. Some years the whole family except us has gone. I've out right asked before as to why she's not included in things and I'm told it's because they don't feel they'd cope with her.
I can understand that to a certain degree I know it's a bit hard work sometimes. But now it's come to light that another grandchild is possibly ASD and they are happy to take this child with them even though this child is violent and extremely unpredictable. Mine just thinks she's a cat lol.
I just feel they are embarrassed by her to be honest and now she's getting older she has come out and told me that NaN doesn't really like me very much. That breaks my heart. I'm considering cutting off contact. But I feel I want to explain to them why first and maybe give them one last chance.
My husband is appalled at the way they are but he won't stand up to them it's been left to me. I've never been a bad daughter in law. They've never had any issues with me unlike their other children's partners.
Am i being u reasonable to expect them to include her more?