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Parenting

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Mother in law anxieties

3 replies

LouiseRuf13 · 29/08/2019 08:54

My partner and I aren't actually married but his mother is the grandmother to my 4 month old. When my partner is there she is lovely. She compliments me and my parenting and says how wonderful I am. When we are alone however she feels the need to make comments e.g. I should really try going back to work full time and that she isn't sure about my sister having our daughter when I do go back to work and she keeps trying to get me to replace some of my daughters feeds with water to 'make sure she is hydrated'. The main problem is how these comments are making me feel. I have opened up to my partner who can understand me being annoyed but thinks I blow it out of proportion. The other day my partner told me he and his mum had childcare covered but were just worried about wednesdays when I do go back to work... I'm sorry but I haven't arranged her childcare yet as I don't know how many days I'm going back. The thought of them planning this without even running it past me makes me so angry and upset. Please give any advice you can. I could just sit and cry because I can't seem to let it go over my head and I'm worried about how much this is going to affect my relationship with my partner and my time with our child on maternity leave. Is it me being overly sensitive?

OP posts:
Bigfatspiders · 29/08/2019 13:29

Hi OP, didn’t want to read and run. In short, you are definitely not BU. What are their plans? Have you discussed it with your partner? When we’re you planning to go back to work? This really should be a decision for you to make with your partners support. Your MIL really shouldn’t have any input into when/ how many days you go back to work, or what your childcare arrangements will be.
Sending hugs.
Did you think about cross posting to AIBU? for traffic?

OxeyeDaisy · 29/08/2019 22:16

Hi OP

Sounds like the sort of stunt I’m expecting my mother in law to pull when our first child arrives. I have all ready warned my OH that I am not being told what to do by anyone and it’s my way or no way! ( sounds a bit dramatic but between my MIL and SIL I wanted to set the record straight before little one arrives)

I would put on a big pair of pants and be brave and next time your on your own with her and she starts I would tell her that you haven’t decided what your doing regarding work yet but once you have decided you will be sure to inform her! Be a little sarcastic put and word it so that it’s clear it has nothing to do with her.

I would also have a think about what you want from going back to work and once you have your own ideas talk to your OH.

And most importantly try not to stress over it and enjoy the rest of your mat leave with little one

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 30/08/2019 08:13

You need to find your inner tiger Mummy.

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