Help with fussy kid - made an arse of it

[Fussykidhelp]

I think I've made a massive arse with my DD5. She is mega fussy - she will eat something once to try it but 9/10 she will decide she doesn't like it then picks through it/barely eats it.

She eats the usual - macaroni, anything beige, peas and toast/cereal. Other smatterings of things but usually beige things and nothing too outrageous.

I've made an arse of it cause I've turned food into a "thing", IYKWIM. If she doesn't eat her whole dinner she doesn't get anything after it, although usually I get worried about her being hungry and cave, so give her something like toast/a yoghurt before bed. I don't doubt she can tell I get cross/annoyed with her when she does her usual and picks through something nice I've made for everyone. Like I say, I know I'm doing it all wrong.

I suppose my question is how do I go about fixing this? At 6 yo I feel like she should get her dinner and night and if she eats it great, if she doesn't, fine. She goes to bed without anything else... is this unreasonable? Should I be doing this? Should I still give her something? I don't know what to do :(

I've NC'd by the way but a regular poster.

There is a good Facebook group about this. I'll come back in a bit with the name but basically it talks about division of responsibility (dor). Basically you aim to make one meal and put it on the table. Everyone serves themselves. You provide something alongside that you know your child will eat eg. bread sticks. Then you serve yourself and eat and make NO comment on what your child does or doesn't eat. You don't praise them for trying. You don't make bargains eg. one more bite and you can have pudding. You don't ask them to try anything. You have done your bit by providing the meal then it's their responsibility to eat it or not. The safe food provided alongside means they have something to eat.
It sounds odd (and it's hard to not comment) but it's worked wonders for my fussy 6 year old. She has tried so much new food because no one is paying attention to her (we are but she doesn't realise).

^ I was about to say the same!!

I've just checked and the Facebook group is called mealtime hostage.

The above is excellent advice. I would also add, stop insisting on finishing a meal - let her learn to stop when she's had enough. Also don't make a pudding conditional on eating dinner either, if you were going to offer it, then offer it.
If hunger kicks in later, offer something plain so she doesn't go hungry but it's not a high value snack. Late night hunger in this house was filled with plain oatcakes and water - really not worth holding out for, but acceptable if genuinely hungry!

I have a fussy three year old. She looooves fruit but would never entertain the idea of eating veg. I have no idea why as I have other children who eat veg, she just wouldn’t eat if there was veg on her plate. I started trying to hide it in sauces etc but it’s as if she knew lol. Then I got some good advice which was to include her in the cooking. So she has a baby pod stool in the kitchen, so she’s same level as me I give her a chopping board and a non dangerous butter knife and she helps me chop the veg. After a while she tried a few (licking it mostly or spitting it back out) and we are now at the stage where she will eat raw carrot and pepper although still won’t eat them hot in a meal. I have become relaxed about it because she’s otherwise a good eater. She’ll eat raw peas too. Hoping as she gets older she’ll try more