Choosing to be a single mother, when did you realise enough was enough?

[Chasingrainbows1]

So, me and partner have 3 dds, ages 5 and under.
Things are tough with 3 young kids, but I didn’t expect any less it was always going to be hard but my partner has made it 10x harder.
Ever since our youngest was born our relationship is just...nothing :/.
We never do anything together as a couple, we are never intimate. He’s lazy, boring and has no passion for anything anymore.
I’ve had enough, I deserve more.
I just don’t know where to go from here, I’m scared of being a single mum to 3 kids that are so young. I have no other support.
When did other realise enough was enough and finally take the leap of becoming a single parent? How was it at first?

I’m just looking for some reassurance things will be alright

Have you told him how you feel Chasing and is there a possibility that he could be depressed?

@JiltedJohnsJulie i did wonder, but I’d like to think if he was he would tell me.
I’ve had sever pnd since our youngest and hes been extremely unsupportive, so it’s hard to have much sympathy

And yes he knows how I feel. I’ve told him over and over again. I sit there in floods of tears telling him and he’s just not bothered, just carries on with whatever he’s doing.
Ugh it’s all a mess!

So sorry to hear that you have PNI and he was unsupportive. I hope you have found the support you need elsewhere

As for him telling you he's depressed, I'm not sure it works like that. You can be depressed for a long time before you realise something is wrong. My DH knows the signs to look out for if I'm sliding and can sometimes spit it before I realise.

Its been 2 months since i separated from my husband, its not been easy! I have put on a brave face and tried to sail through. However, I chose to boot him out because he was an utter piece of shit to me, emotionally abused me, made me feel worthless, and a couple of times sexually assaulted me for his own selfish needs too. I asked him to leave as enough was enough. I will always love him, but i just didnt fancy him anymore. He wasn't the nice guy I fell for and married. He became hard to live with after my youngest was born 3 years ago, his nan (who was more a mother figure) passed away too. He lost all aspects of himself and treated me terribly. Im not perfect by any means but on one afternoon whilst shouting at each other my daughter shouted stop it!! I then realised that this was damaging her too. I asked him to leave, he did. He expected me to fight for him and beg for him to come home. thing is, the moment he walked out that door a weight was lifted off my shoulders!! I felt free, I was ready to face the world as a single parent because i could be in control of my own life. It has been difficult, I was wondering if he got the help he needed whether we could rekindle things an then found he had joined Tinder 3 weeks after ending our 11 year relationship. Made me realise what a prick he actually was and im so much better off. Im just sad because i lost a lot of friends whilst under his control, an now im feeling very very lonely. If you are not happy, dont be afraid to start over! You have to focus on your own health and wellbeing. Choosing to be a single parent is hard, but i get on so much better with my girls now. I'm not so stressed, i have made my own routines and life is easier in my opinion. Everyones journey is different. But you can do it, believe in yourself!!! A happy Mum will have happy children. My eldest tells everyone that Daddy doesn't live with us anymore, but i like it because they dont shout now. I know i made the right choice. Xxxx

My life is honestly so much easier as a single parent. I’m not saying there aren’t challenges, there are, but they’re different challenges. My relationships with my children are so much better. No one shouts in our house anymore! It’s just soul destroying being with someone you don’t love, and being with someone who doesn’t treat you well is horrendous for your mental health. I would honestly never ever go back and make a different decision about leaving my ex. The first few months are tough, finding your feet, take any support you’re offered, but long term it gets so much better.

I split with my ex-partner when I realised that I was happier when he wasn't around, when I figured out that EVERYTHING was easier without him.

All he ever did was moan and lose his patience. He was impatient with our DS, and snappy with me... Saying goodbye was the best decision.

@FreshlySingleMummaOf2
I’m sorry to hear what you went through, well done for being so brave.
I too have lost a lot of friends since having my last dd and having PND. I became withdrawn and I think when I realised what I was doing it was too late.
@JiltedJohnsJulie yes he probably doesn’t realise if he does have depression. He’s quite a negative person anyway and I think not happy in general.
@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer yes I know what you mean by it’s soul destroying. Having so little support from him Is so hard to deal with.
@Kiki92 I’m glad you’ve made the best decision, I think deep down a lot more
Mums know this, but are too scared to take the step of being a single parent, it’s scary. Especially when you don’t have a great support network

Thank you all for your replies. I hope I can be as brave as you all

It's really hard to make that decision when your kids are young but put yourself first, too many of us didn't and find ourselves dumped in middle age when the man child decides they want "something else". I knew I should have left him 10 years ago, I could have been happily with someone else instead left feeling stupid for trying to make it work.

Get everything in order first though, you don't know how they will react, and work out benefits you would be due, how to apply etc then you have a plan - it's worth trying counselling perhaps but I get the feeling it simply delays the inevitable