Sleeping in own bed

[Solonelywastheballard]

DD 8 months. She has never really slept in her own bed. Had next to me crib but spent more time cuddled up to me. Had to stop using next to me when she started climbing up in it. She was then teething and going through a really clingy phase so couldn't get her in cot. So she slept in snooze pod in middle of our bed.

Last night decided it's time to try her in cot in her own room again. After about 5 go's so finally settled and slept through to 3:20am.

Now here's the problem. She won't go back in and she now doesn't trust me not to put her back in so isn't falling asleep.

If I give in and take her back in my bed will making getting her into her own cot more difficult, or can we start with first half night on her own, second half we me and build up to a full night.

My son is older and falls asleep in the bed with me (DH works away during the week) then I put him in his bed. I have built the trust by running to him at the smallest noise (it was hard before giving up the dummy) and I still put him in my bed if he tends his hands towards me because of a nightmare etc.

But 90% he sleeps in his bed 10 pm - 7 am.

It's not the MN way I know, but we both love the cuddles- when I read the teenagers threads, I decide that's ok to enjoy them until I can.

My DS is 11 months. Since he was 4 months, we've co slept. I was so tired with having to wake up every 30 mins or so and then look after both children in the morning. He did used to settle in his cot but when he got to around 7 months, he'd wake up lots so he sleeps in my bed now, with the monitor on so we can see him, and he'll stir at about 10 so i get to have dinner and spend time with dh. Works for us and i know it wont be like this forever!

After an hour an a half of playing bed yo-yo I gave up and brought her into bed with me at 5am. She actually slept really well for the rest of the night.

Ok, so I'm not going to feel too pressured about her sleeping all night in her own room.

I'm not really one for following strict guidelines or instructions, I'm more or a go with the flow type mum. But I feel it's time for me and dh to get some us time back.

Let her sleep with you. She is far too young to be alone.

Mines was a great sleeper until this 8 month regression etc came and now she sleeps with me. So we can get sleep and she feels safe.

Theres loads of developmental stuff around this time too so cuddle her and bring her back in. It wont be for long!

I had one like this. I always put her to sleep in her own bed but let her come in with me when she woke as otherwise she just wouldn't settle. I found I got a lot more sleep just having her in with me. She eventually started to sleep by herself all night in her bed when she was ready (age 6, just to warn you ).

@DippyAvocado

I think that's what I'm going to do because she went down ok, but then wouldn't settle after her night feed.

I'm just worried that if I'm not consistent she won't ever sleep in her own bed. People keep saying I should just leave her to cry. Which I can't do. I was also told if she not out by 9 months she won't ever leave.

Don't believe that OP! Mine coslept until 12mo+ and both sleep in their own beds now (4&2). With DD we moved her into a single bed at 16mo and slept with her until she fell asleep, then gradually reduced that. With DS We put him on a double mattress on the floor at 12mo and fed to sleep there then escaped. Again, gradually reduced the cosleeping and moved him to a single when we moved house at 18mo.

If we ever had another one, I'd definitely do what we did with DS again. I was happy to cosleep for the first year and happy to gently move away from it during his second year. The double mattress on the floor was brilliant for getting him into his own room without any stress.

I meant to finish my post saying it doesn't have to be the cot in her room - there can be other ways of doing it that help with the transition.

My DS was regularly in bed with me from about 4am most nights for months. It was the only way for us all to get a couple more hours.

My plan was get her used to the snooze pop in my bed, then she should transition to the snooze pop in her own cot.

She has settled at bed time , but not after night feeds or in the day. So it hasn't really worked.

I think I'm just going to work on getting her to go down for the night in her bed , then I'll worry about her staying in it for the entire night later.

I think it's a very cruel habit to put babies to sleep on their own in a separate room. They are wired to wanting to be with their parents, where they are safe and close to their loved ones.

And no, your child will not sleep in your room and/or in your bed forever, just because you don't force her into her own room as an infant.

I think it's a very cruel habit to put babies to sleep on their own in a separate room. They are wired to wanting to be with their parents, where they are safe and close to their loved ones.

This is what I keep trying to explain to dh. She's not in our bed because she spoilt and entitled. It's because she's hard wired to want to be with her parents. I'm happy to put her in her own cot if she settles. But I'm not going to leave her in there if she's hysterical, or is she's getting very distressed.

People look at me like I'm soft because I don't want to leave my baby screaming and upset.

DS sleeps in his own cot as of a few weeks ago, he's nearly nine months and also started to climb out of the next to me. Honestly I'd be happy with him in with me, but he loves his cot and when he's been poorly/teething and I've brought him in with me he fidgets and twists and turns and actively pushes me and DH away from him in his sleep (we have a support king size bed so it's not crowded), so I realise he's happiest in his own space. It makes me a bit sad, and if he's unhappy in there or wants to come in with us he can. DM said I was always the same, even when o
toddler to primary school age, if we're were poorly or had a bad dream she'd say to me or dB do you want to sleep in with me? DB would jump at the chance and I'd say no thank you!

You know your baby and where she's best off.

"People look at me like I'm soft because I don't want to leave my baby screaming and upset."

Is being soft a bad thing? It's a baby, for god's sake!

"This is what I keep trying to explain to dh."

Try to explain it to him this way: For all a baby knows, we still live in the stone ages, where being left alone is a mortal danger. Humantiy has developed, obviously, and we now have homes that are safe - from intruders, wild animals, the cold etc. - but evolution doesn't work that fast. A baby now is still wired in the same way as thousands of years ago.
If your baby is left alone to sleep and cries and eventually moves on to screaming, it's because it is absolutely terrified. Because screaming like hell when left alone (=in mortal danger) in order to be picked up and brought into safety (=with their family) is what has kept babies and therefore humanity alive during millennia.

For all a baby knows, we still live in the stone ages, where being left alone is a mortal danger.

I've explained that too him. He said we need to teach her different. I agreed, but disagreed that leaving her screaming in fear was the way to teach her that lesson.

" He said we need to teach her different."

Sure. Why doesn't he sit his baby down with a nice cup of tea and explains to her, that she lives in a safe house. I'm sure she'll understand.

There is quite a leap from nest in your bed to cot in own room .
DC 1 slept in Moses in our bed and then in cot in own room from about 6 months coming in to finish night in our room until ages 5.
DC2 slept in Moses on floor and then cot in shared room with DC1 from about 6 months. Never slept with us try as I might he liked his cot. Transitioned sharing bed with DC1 when he started shinning out of cot at about 14 months.
DC3 slept in bed with us until he was about 6 and cane in at night until he was about 10.
I never minded but my experience would suggest that they were programmed to like sharing with someone.
Your DH May be missing an intimate life with you and getting selective advice from friends and relatives to back him up. This sort of comparing used to and still does drive me mad. We are all different and there is no 'right' way of doing things. What is right for your children and the family is the right thing to do. Maybe he needs a bit of reassurance from you but as far as the 'sleeping in own bed' thing is concerned I sympathise with you.