3 month old struggles

[cchloe7849]

Hi all

I’m a new mum to a 3 month old baby boy. This is my first and I’m struggling a little. I had a good pregnancy and birth and found the first few weeks a breeze (apart from the sleep deprivation) he’s now 3 months old and life is getting hard. I am struggling to get out as he tends to get very unsettled and it’s not worn the screaming fit in the middle of a public place. There have been times I have had to abandon my shopping and leave the shop and now at the point where I can’t go unless it’s in the evening when my bf gets home from work or if someone can have him for me. My house is constantly a mess because he will play amongst himself on his play mat for about 10 minutes before he gets bored and wants to be picked up or some new entertainment. He is wanting to sit up all the time now as well but I cannot hold him 24/7 but screams if I don’t. He sleeps well now sleeping through the night occasionally waking once for a feed during the night. I try to get as much done as I can whilst he naps but it’s often just for 20-30 minutes a time. I can’t remember the last time I put makeup on because he won’t allow me to sit for 20 minutes whilst I do it. I also feel guilty if I am not constantly talking/playing with him. I see mums who have a full face of makeup on, clean hair and out of the house and wonder how they do it. Has anybody else felt like this? And does anybody have any advice? It may sound silly but not being able to take him out is really getting to me as I’d love nothing more than to be able to take him with me whilst I get out for some breakfast or a coffee instead of being stuck inside with him everyday.

Oh it's so hard isn't it. Mine really did like a moan at that age!! It's a frustrating time for them when they start seeing the world around them and wanting to discover new things but they can't do it.

Do you have a sling/carrier? Mine was and still is a godsend. I have a dog so from day 1 was out walking her every day and he would get used to being in the sling (now the carrier). Would this be less stressful for you if you just went for a walk maybe? No aims or goals as such so if he massively loses it then it's no big deal. But hopefully he will enjoy being out and about.

Hang in there!! My boy is a year old now and my god he is like a different baby to back then x

Hi OP

I could have wrote this post a few months ago although my LG is almost 5 months. She's my first too, I was exactly the same popping out when my partner was home or if my mum could watch her. I'm not sure if it's the same but I think it could be a confidence thing? When she had a melt down in a restaurant or shop I was mortified, I felt like the entire world was staring at me. I just didn't want to be there anymore and wanted to be home.

Once I got over that (most people don't even care) I was fine, I take her to the shops / go out with her (not restaurants just yet she has a scary knack for knowing when I'm just about to eat!) but other than that, she's okay. Have you tried comforters? As silly as it sounds it really did settle my LO

Getting ready / putting make up on. I found my baby loves the sound of my hair dryer (I use some white noise from YouTube) and that gives me 20 mins to put make up on. For me it's either my hair or make up - I haven't mastered both unless I have help!

I do know how you feel though, you're doing a great job so don't be hard on yourself. All I can suggest is keep going maybe try smaller trips, closer to home, try a comforter if you haven't already and go from there. Good luck!

When you say you struggle to get out and about, do you ever just go out with the pram for a walk, without any other purpose in mind? I had similar issues with DS, in that he got a bit unsettled if he was stuck in the pram while I was trying to do a bit of shopping, but he's got a lot better since we just started going out for walks around where we live. Infact we walk for miles most days now and it makes a real difference to be out in the fresh air rather than stuck in the house. He is very much a velcro baby when we're at home though and I've yet to find a solution, so I'm looking forward to him starting nursery next month and him hopefully developing a bit morn independence... and if not, I'll at least get a break from holding him during the day at work Hope things get a bit easier for you soon OP!

Thanks for your replies at least I’m not the only one! I have just got a carrier so am going to try that during the day so I can get some things done. And to be honest yes I think the anxiety of him having a meltdown in public also stops me from going out. We go for walks which is good but has been to hot recently! But definitely will now it’s getting cooler. I love him dearly but what I would do for just an hour to get ready and feel human again! I have to act fast whilst he’s sleeping to get bottles/washing/cleaning done so my self care is neglected lol. I know it will get easier it’s just so hard right now I feel like a machine just living for him and not myself at all. It’s also a tricky age at the moment as I think he gets very frustrated he can’t do things for himself like sitting up I can see him trying so hard bless him. Maybe I will just have to face my fears and take him out and whatever happens happens lol

Hey OP, what you and @anyat212 have described is exactly my life for the past 5 months. My little one is 5 months soon and I must say, it has got better. And it will for you!

First thing I did was try to tackle his lack of independent play by leaving him to moan whilst he was supposed to be playing in his play gym. Now he can play for about 30 minutes!

As for naps, whether he naps for 30 minutes or for 1 hour 30 depends entirely on if he's in any kind of developmental leap (reference to 'the wonder weeks' ).

Some days/weeks I can still feel overwhelmed by my complaining baby but I found a routine helps me keep my sanity.

I wake up 6am, feed, let him poo whilst I have my breakfast, change and then we go back for a nap together. Then next time we wake up he plays whilst I get dressed and stuff and before his 2nd nap I get his pram ready. He falls asleep in his pram after about 20 minutes of walking.. I walk about 2 miles to the costa/Morrison's and have my lunch then walk home. Then I struggle for a few hours but then someone comes home to entertain him whilst I get ready for bed.

Sorry that's so long winded but it might inspire you to do more to get more you-time. The long walks for me are the only times I get to relax. It will get better soon! 3 months is a difficult age.

Chloe - it is soo normal. My self care is neglected too and pre baby I would never leave the house without my hair and make up in tact!

The fear of meltdowns in public is normal too, I can still feel mortified but trust me it does get better. Although there's only 2 months difference, I can definitely see a difference in my LG when she was 3 months old.

A baby carrier is amazing! At this age they still want to be very close to their mum (which is very physically and mentally draining for mum!). At this age I used to wear the sling to put on my make up!

Also for you it's important to get out even if it's just a walk around the block (or however far baby will let you get). I know my mental health was a lot better when we were able to get out the house rather than being stuck in.

Also it might be an idea to try a baby group if there's any near by, then if little one has a melt, down you're with people who are all in the same boat! I found even at 3 months my babies were knackered after a baby group so would sleep a bit better afterwards.

Having babies is hard work! You sound like you're meeting little ones emotional needs as you're always there for him! And honestly it does get easier ❤️

I remember being in your position. Something my mum said, which is true but I didn't really believe at the time: it won't do him any harm to be in a safe space (cot, activity mat, bouncy chair) whinging for 5 -10 mins while you get yourself ready.

Thinking of that, do you have a bouncy chair? Life saver for me.

I would suggest a baby bouncer if you don’t have one. That way he can sit up and you can get ready and do your hair and make up while still speaking to him and he can see you.

I did everything with baby in bouncer the furst few months with DD! Shower, cook, clean etc..

First few months*

I definitely felt a bit like this. We have a dog so never anywhere I can put dd. What I did found helped was a baby chair, bouncer or swing and teletubbies on the TV. Its a bit shit and not something I envisaged myself doing but it did mean I could get stuff done so I just did it.

It's easy to say but don't worry about him crying when out and about. Babies do cry and people expect it.

Have you any idea why he cries? Does he have a dummy? If he formula or breast fed?

It does get easier and more rewarding as they start doing things. Dd is 8 months today and now goes in the jumperoo and baby walker so I have somewhere to put her whilst I crack on.

One thing I did do which I hate but love at the same time is erect the travel cot downstairs. Safe space to put her in whilst I need to do things even if just going to the loo.

I definitely had this though. Some days I'd barely eat or drink as I just couldn't manage it with baby and dog.

He is formula fed and does have a dummy/comforter which works sometimes. He doesn’t really cry there are no tears, it’s more kicking his legs and this awful skrike/shout it seems like sometimes it’s for no reason at all other than the sake of it. Oh yes that’s my life right now having breakfast at 1pm and then realising I haven’t had a drink of water all day! It’s good to see all your replies and see we all are/have been there. I find it hard to get him to sleep during the day also he’s so tired his eyes are red but he fights his sleep it can sometimes take me an hour to have a 20 min nap! I will keep trying different things. Days are long and hard but we will power through!

I’m onto to baby number 2 now. They do get harder when the my become more awake.

In some ways you need to lower your standards - pick what is important. My DH has both baby and 3 year old so I can have 20mins in the morning to shower, put on make up, pop a load of washing in and open curtains. I can do it in 20 less time if needed. Colab dry hair shampoo is your saviour.

Look TOMM for cleaning. It’s fine for them to shout, he is just learning to communicate, just pop them in the bouncer and chat away as you do your job. Tell them what your doing or pop them in front of the news and they think the presenter is talking to them.

Yes we've all been there. It does pass.

If you have a dp at home as pp said get as much done in the morning before they leave the house if that's an option and sleep wise walks in the pram for dd or a ride in the car gets her to sleep without fail altho I must say it mind of feels like a wasted sleep if we're out but baby is probably a bit happier for it.