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Original poster

Please someone help with sleep, I can't cope

26 replies

Bjones123 · 19/08/2019 10:19

Needing advice on sleeping issues with 8 week old. We've been having issues again with sleep, initially it was very hard to get her sleeping out of my arms which was exhausting. I thought we had cracked it as she had started settling much better in moses basket, crib and cot.

The past few nights have been horrible with her not settling at all. Last night was the worst so far and I spent about 3 hours crying.

She didn't sleep the whole day (bar a 30 min nap) as she was just constantly alert and despite trying to settle her for a sleep she just wouldn't. She fell asleep at 10pm and as soon as I put her in her cot she was wide awake.

I tried everything, changing nappy, feeding constantly, soothing, rocking, walking around, even gave up and tried a dummy which she kept spitting out. The only sleep I got was when she fell asleep on me twice, and I fell asleep accidentally due to exhaustion which isn't exactly safe.

I honestly don't know what to do and I feel so ill this morning and my partner hasn't slept either. I can't cope with this continuing in this way and really need some practical advice - please don't just say 'they grow out of it' cos some babies don't for years and that isn't a helpful statement Sad

Plus in the middle of the night when I'm just willing her to sleep, I find myself crying thinking if something awful happened to her and all I've done is wished she slept and complained about it, and then feel like a terrible mum

OP posts:
Yogurtcoveredricecake · 19/08/2019 11:59

Sounds like you're having a rough time. I found my DS' sleep pattern changed all the time and as soon as you think you've got one thing sorted, it all goes wrong again.

For me these things helped:
Getting to bed early. I left DS with my husband and went up to bed straight after dinner, I could get a couple of hours before he decided it was party time.
Fresh air. DS would sleep in the pram/sling and I'd walk for miles at least once a day.
Get that first nap in - DS would want one much earlier than the books said so as soon as he yawned he'd be put down for a nap.
Co-sleeping. It's not for everyone but it worked for us, especially for naps and from around 4am - 6am. He went back into his cot with no problems once he'd stopped with that sleep phase.

Original poster
Bjones123 · 19/08/2019 12:37

Unfortunately I can't go to bed first as she literally wants feeding all the time and is BF and will no longer take a bottle of EBM, so I'm like a milking cow most of the time.
I've got a carrier and she sleeps well in it around the house or walking my dog but as soon as she's out she's awake so I'm not getting a break with that to sleep.

We are considering the whole co-sleeping thing but it does scare me, so think I'll need to do more reading and use as a last resort.

Thank you for the suggestions, hopefully it gets better soon, I feel like death.

OP posts:
Kingtiger101 · 19/08/2019 13:30

You poor thing. The sleep deprivation is the worst. Listen, it will get better I promise and the bf will get easier. You are doing a great job.

Might be worth getting a sleepyhead? My 2 both slept better in there,

Really do read up on co sleeping. It is v safe especially if you’re breastfeeding. You don’t have to do it every night but try to settle her in her cot and co sleep if it’s not happening.

White noise might help? Longer term is introduce a comfort teddy thing - my dd2 was a shocking sleeper and lately is a bit better and I think having a comforter has helped.

There’s no magic solution unfortunately. But you are doing great - be there for your baby now and it will pass.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
coffeeforone · 19/08/2019 18:15

I know it's really not recommended but we couldn't have gotten through the first few months (both DC) without baby basically sleeping on our chest (alternating). We dozed off but we're aware of DC. Then co-sleeping once we managed to wean baby off chest.

coffeeforone · 19/08/2019 18:16

And a sling most of the day when you need to get on with stuff.

BelulahBlanca · 19/08/2019 18:17

I coslept for four months then followed this wonderful sleeping programme/ routine that a friend sent me. It truly changed my life.

BelulahBlanca · 19/08/2019 18:19

This is the front page @Bjones123

Please someone help with sleep, I can't cope
TwinkleStars15 · 19/08/2019 18:58

Co-sleep! It is safe if you follow the Safe 7. I’ve co slept since day one and it was a game changer, a massive relief. Don’t listen to the scare mongering, co sleeping is the norm in A LOT of countries. Our heath visitor completed supported us.

TwinkleStars15 · 19/08/2019 18:59

Also, without being rude, lower your expectations...she’s 8 weeks Flowers

Yogagirl123 · 19/08/2019 19:11

I know it’s hard OP, but quite normal for 8 wks. Every baby is different, I have had two, DS1 an absolute dream, DS2 was a really bad sleeper until he got to 7mths, both of my two were Ebf. It very tiring I know, take any help you can get to give you a break.

theworstwife · 19/08/2019 19:18

You poor thing Flowers She sounds really overtired and fighting sleep. I would try and get her to have naps in the day one way or another and this might help her settle easier at night. So walks or sling 3 to 4 times in the day. I found for my DC a sleepyhead, white noise and a pitch black room helped. Is the anyone you can draft in for help?

ChipsAreLife · 19/08/2019 19:31

Both my babies were the same, I really get how tough it is . I used to fantasise that I was in car accident so I had to have a few nights in hospital so I could sleep!!

The only things that worked for me were co sleeping, to start off with in a sleepyhead next to me and then eventually next to me. If done correctly it's very safe and millions of women do it.

Also ask DH to take baby out at weekend for two hours so you can nap. Express and if baby's desperate it will take the bottle, if not it will be ok for two hours. You have needs as much as it does so don't feel guilty.

I hope you feel a little better knowing you're not alone

teaandbiscuitsforme · 19/08/2019 20:27

OP in the nicest possible way, you seem to still be in the naive phase that babies just go to sleep in their Moses baskets/cots. I'm sure some do, but for most of us that's a complete myth!! Babies need help to go to sleep, every time whether it's a nap or night time. That help could be sucking by BF (or a dummy if you choose to use one), it could be the movement of the car, pram or sling, or the closeness of cosleeping or the sling. But if you take that help away, especially at such a young age, she's likely to wake up. So if you stop pushing the pram, they wake up; if you stop feeding and put her down on a new surface (the cot), they wake up!

I spent ages with my first trying to put her down in her cosleeper/cot, then I gave up and accepted that by cosleeping and feeding lying down we all got far more sleep. DS arrived when DD was 21mo and we coslept from the start. I felt far less tired and much more rested with 2 under 2 and cosleeping then I did in those early months with just DD.

Follow the cosleeping guidelines and get some more rest. You really don't want to be so tired you're spending your evenings crying. Also, don't just cosleep at night. BF lying down and cosleeping for at least one nap a day makes such a difference. Even if you just lie down and read it'll make you feel so much better.

hairyturkey · 19/08/2019 20:31

Safe co-sleeping! Sometimes it's the only way!

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 19/08/2019 20:32

I'm another co-sleeping EBFer. I coslept with my DD, now 4.5, and I am again with my 2wo DS. We're all getting as much sleep as possible, and minimising tears.
Good luck OP

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/08/2019 20:33

LO slept on mine or my husbands chest- it saved us

MoreSlidingDoors · 19/08/2019 20:35

An 8 week old is still in their fourth trimester. Read up on it and lower your expectations!

MoreSlidingDoors · 19/08/2019 20:36

Theory is that they stay awake at night because of the risks of being eaten when we lived in the wild. Pretty hard to rewire hundreds of thousands of years of evolution!

LauraPalmersBodybag · 19/08/2019 20:48

Just another voice recommending co sleeping and feeding lying down. Hang in there op, she’s only weeny, you guys will get there. They often don’t sleep independently until much bigger so will want you close by. Safe 7 guidelines - I followed religiously and always knew my dd was safe, and I got some rest.

Well done you - keep going x

Myusernameisunique · 19/08/2019 20:52

Have you ruled out things like reflux, silent reflux and CMPI. I’ve had two very unsettled babies and they had these particular issues. Once we had them under control they were different babies. Feel free to message me if you’d like any more info or to chat it through. Babies shouldn’t be unsettled and awake all the time. I remember the exhaustion and frustration you must be feeling very well.

IDontDrinkTea · 19/08/2019 20:57

Cosleeping was a life saver for me. After I nearly fell asleep whilst sat up feeding her, I decided it would be better to plan to cosleep and therefore cosleep safely than be exhausted and risk dropping her / crashing the car or something.

Look up safe cosleeping. Essentially it involves sleeping on your side next to baby with your arm out so you can’t roll. No duvet so it can’t cover baby’s face. My dd sleeps in a growbag, I just have warm pjs on instead. I then feed her lying down and it doesn’t matter if I fall asleep whilst feeding as she is in a safe position. She would wake up any time she was put down in the crib but would sleep for good chunks of time in bed with me

MynameisJune · 19/08/2019 21:03

Can you take the side off the cot and push it against your bed? That’s what we’ve done with both DD’s, that and a sleepyhead. DD1 slept on my chest for the first week of her life as she wouldn’t sleep anywhere else but it didn’t feel safe or sustainable. So I got a sleepyhead as the risk from that (to me) was less than her falling off my chest and under the covers.

DD2 went straight into the sleepyhead in a cot with the side off next to me in bed. I bf her, can put her down and go straight back to sleep. Similar to co-sleeping but everyone gets more space and I can leave her upstairs and come downstairs for a couple of hours.

CTRL · 19/08/2019 21:03

I remember these early days and the only thing that worked was Co-sleeping.

Then again I was single so I suppose it was easier as I didn’t have to worry about baby being squashed between us.

Definitely think about it though. I know it’s not advised but if you prop yourself and baby in a safe position it could be your saving grace.

Good luck

Newmumma83 · 19/08/2019 21:13

Oh bless you it’s so hard and especially as you are exclusively breastfeeding ... you are doing so well!

Would she sleep if being walked in her buggy? If so any chance you can feed her up and partner take her out for an hour so you can nap even an hour will make a difference.

I dual fed at that age as barely produced milk ... so I was lucky my husband could take Thomas for a couple of hours before work that 2-3 hour nap was a game changer ... my little one struggled with being put down for about 3-4 months ... the thing that caused a lot of that was wind... holding the baby upright or in arms helps relieve the pain of trapped wind if you haven’t tried it then give infracol a try ( pop it knows before you settle in for a feed ) rub belly or cycle legs just encase it is a discomfort thing?

He would feed cry for two hours sleep I arms for one feed again cry for two hours ... with lots of bottom burps bear the end ...

This is my one of the toughest times .. but you are doing an amazing job and please try to ge thing to take her out for a nice walk for as long as you can get away with x

hopefulhalf · 19/08/2019 21:20

Ok I had my babies in the noughties and she who can't be named was uber popular. Also Tracy aka the baby whisperer with her EASY routine. I'd say you have 2 choices either go all earth mother and cospleep or get your LO in a routine.