Don't want to leave baby for work?

[liz1222]

Hi all,

I've found a childminder who is really nice and ticks all of the boxes. And even though I don't think I'll find better, I still don't feel that she's good enough. I'm really scared about it all.

I don't have family or friends who can help out with childcare, so she really is my only option as I'm not keen on nursery.

I love my job and want to go back, but I love my baby more. I'm financially able to not go back but I'm thinking of my own future and my career and I just don't know what to do.

What would you do? Any advice?

Thanks in advance xx

Whatever decision you make doesn’t have to be the decision you always make. Are you going back full time? If you don’t choose to go back, it doesn’t rule out getting a job in the future (but it’s much harder getting a job from not working). Likewise if you go back but if, in a few months, it feels like the wrong decision that will be fine too.

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who, however much they wanted to go back to their jobs, didn’t feel a pang of ugh when first putting their child into childcare. You are not alone.

How old is your baby?
Are you planning to go back full or part time?

It's a very personal choice and will differ for every parent. But FWIW I went back to work part time (3 days a week) when DS was 8 months, and I have no regrets whatsoever. I was actually happier when I went back to work and I feel I have a good balance now. I did feel emotional about leaving him in childcare though and I think that's pretty normal.

It is most likely that he will settle in well with his childminder, form a lovely bond with her and have a good time in a new environment. And you will adapt too. BUT if in the worst case scenario he doesn't settle in and/or you miss him too much, you can always resign. So why not see how it goes, nothing is set in stone.

If you resign, it doesn't leave the option to go back to work easily if you change your mind. You could try and get your job back and look for another one but that would be harder.

It's obviously hard to say without knowing about your job and the wider job market but could you maybe seek some advice from someone who knows the industry. All jobs are different and some things are easier to get back into than others.

18 months ago I was dreading going back to work after maternity leave, I was so jealous of SAHM. Now I couldn't imagine being a SAHM, I actually enjoy going to work for some adult conversation and feel like it's 8 hours of 'me time' - as sad as that sounds! I decreased my hours when I went back to work but increased them again a couple of months ago.
It is hard leaving them at first but it will get better I promise.

I decided to become a SAHM after DS was born. He's now 2.5 and I am looking to go back to work. I've enjoyed the time with him but it is now time for me to do something for me again. I'm finding it difficult to get something to ultimately suit me and sometimes wish I had gone back part time after mat leave so I would have some security. I don't think you'll regret it.

Hi OP. I have been through this very recently as DS has now been in nursery two weeks.

The week leading up to it, I was honestly dreading it. I cried so much at the thought of leaving him, it being the "end of an era" of maternity leave and I felt so guilty for returning to work.

Now I can honestly say going back to work has made me a better mum and I am so much more able to enjoy my time with him. I get adult conversation for three days and I still get to be with him for two days and weekends. It's a perfect balance and I don't regret going back.

Whatever you decide it doesn't have to be the final ultimate decision. But honestly going back to work isn't so bad when you are over that first day or even week x

I spent the whole of my maternity leave dreading going back and was envious of friends who didn’t have to, but those same friends are now struggling to find any sort of work whereas I have a decent career so i guess it was probably worth the trauma!

Some day I think I’d love to be a SAHM, it’s my dream job. But honestly, now she’s settled in DD loves nursery.

Although I am lucky to only do 3 days a week so I have a balance. Is PT an option for you? Babies soon become toddlers and it’s very hard to keep them entertained! It depends on the child but I think DD would miss out hugely on playing, interacting with other children etc. if we didn’t do nursery.

Hi all, thanks sooooo much for the advice. I feel so much better just hearing that most people feel like this. As said above, I'm the same, dreading going back and leaving him. But I'm hoping it will just be initially and then I'll get used to it.

I've decided to go back now, I just need to speak to work about going part time. How many hours do you guys do? I'm considering 24, which would be 6 hours 4 days a week, therefore I wouldn't have to take a lunch break. And I get a 3 day weekend. Just nervous. I have a few more months to mentally prepare myself though, fingers crossed :)

Thanks so much again.

I work 3 standard days, I think they are technically 7.4 hours, so it's 22.2 hours/week. I reality I don't really count my hours. I do take a lunch break though, they are absolutely essential! I advise you not to skip them.

I do 3 full days so DD does nursery 8-5 on those days. Although a lot of the time we pick her up early.

It means we get two days off together in the week and I find it works better for her routine as she can have her two naps at nursery.

I do 3 full days too and like PP my son is in nursery 8-5 on those days. I have Tuesday and Wednesday off so a nice two days in the middle to break up the week :)