15 yr old doing drugs

[Metalmama82]

Hi first time posting but i’m at my wits end. 6 months ago my son fell in with the wrong crowd and started smoking weed. He’s told me today that he also been taking ‘pills’. His attitude has changed,he no longer respects any boundaries I set,he’s stolen from me and sold his Xbox to fund his habit. I really don’t know where to turn. I’m planning on taking him to our local drug & alcohol service next week to see what advice they offer and I will be contacting the school when they start back in September too. Any help/advice will be much appreciated,I just want my kind/thoughtful/loving boy back.
Thanks in advance.

Www.talktofrank.com has lots of good advice

Did he tell you because he wants help?

Hi there! Yes,we’ve just had a calm and civilised conversation. He’s told me everything (I hope) he’s said he wants to stop and has agreed to come to the drug support service with me on Thursday. He’s currently grounded and I said if he can prove he’s not using drugs again then we’ll look at getting him a gym membership in a few weeks time which is something he’s asked me for so i’m hoping it works as an incentive. Running out of ideas now, can’t take his Xbox away as he sold it (for way less than it’s worth) and i’m Definitely not buying him another,grounding and support are my only options right now. His dad is useless and says things like ‘well if he lived with me he wouldn’t be doing it’ which is no help at all,especially when he’s never even had him overnight since separating 14 years ago. I’m a mental health nurse and so have first hand knowledge the effect drugs can have on wellbeing which is what i’ve just tried to convey in our conversation. Think I just needed somewhere to rant for my own well-being. My family seem to look down their noses at me when explaining what i’m going through and I just feel like blaming myself. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I have any advice really, but I couldn't just read and run.

I think its a good thing that he wants to change, clearly its becoming more than just a habit for him now and he can see that too. This first step is knowing you have a problem, so even though this may be a scary time this really is the start of a positive new direction. I know people who've turned their lives around completely from addiction / dependancy so it can be done.

I hope you get the support you need next week and hopefully other posters will be able to recommend good support services.

I think its a good thing that he's interested in a gym membership and hpefully that will give him a healthy focus and distraction while he recovers.

I wish you both the best of luck

I think I know what you are experiencing, I have been through similar this past 2 years with my youngest and his brother was the same before him, but has come out the other side now. I think the advice on Mumsnet falls into two camps. You either come down very heavily and take away the Wi-Fi, phone and games. Or you take the harm reduction route. This acknowledges that some experimentation and pushing of boundaries is an inevitable part of these teenage years, and the goal is to try to maintain a good relationship with your son to guide him to navigate it as safely as possible.

I have witnessed relationships between parents and teens breaking down when the strict, rule imposing method is taken and the young people have continued their risky behaviour in secret, unable to rely on the parents for guidance when they feel out of their depth.

It sounds like you have a strong bond with your son and he is prepared to collaborate with you in a harm reduction approach. I would be inclined to reward him for attending the substance misuse service with the gym membership straight away. Find a gym that does not lock you into a contract, and tell him that if he agrees to attend the SMS service and college/school each week, you agree to pay for the gym.