What makes a good Mum?

[Silenttype]

Just that really, what do you think makes a good Mum?
My DD1 is just about to start school and it's made me quite reflective, and I want to make sure I can be the best Mum I can be to her and her younger sister.
I don't really remember having a great relationship with my Mum, and although we don't have a bad relationship and she was never horrible, she was never really very affectionate either, I would find it awkward to have physical contact with her, even just a hug goodbye.
She didn't really encourage me or siblings with school/learning either, just all very blah really.

So it's got me thinking about my own parenting and the relationship I want to have with my DD's as they grow up.

I suppose I'm just curious as to other peoples idea of being a good Mum?

I think the fact you are thinking about it means you are already there.

For me, with miracle rainbow DD, love. I want her to feel loved, always. Cuddled, loved and respected.

I hope your DD settles in well.

I think it's heavily affected by what kind of mother you had, as I can take some very positive aspects and want to avoid some more negative ones. It's hard to imagine a textbook perfect mother so I think people draw on their own personal experiences and attempt to mimic or avoid aspects!

For me personally:
I want to be patient, tolerant and kind and not to lose my temper (my DM has a very bad temper and I got into trouble for a lot of things I never even did)
I want to be very open and easy to talk to about anything and everything - non judgmental and accept my children and their opinions
I want to be a positive person and encourage their friendships with others, and try to get them to see the best in people and not assume the worst
Don't bad mouth any family members to them, encourage strong relationships with wider family
Encourage and give practical support for school work
Be fun - don't always be the person telling them they're not allowed to do something
Tell them you love them every day

To be honest the majority of things on my list are things I want to do because my parents did the opposite.

Lots of cuddles & time.

Listen when they speak. Always listen. Then they know they can talk to you about the big stuff when they need to.

I love my mum to bits but there are things she did that I am determined not to repeat for my DC.

Don't tease. One comment i made as a 10/11 year about how tall some boy was was repeated back to me so often in a sarcastic tone, I never spoke to my mum about actual relationships or crushes for fear of ridicule.

Respect - I was good at a particular thing. So my parents, mum in particular, pushed and pushed until I was miserable and hated doing it. I asked for years to stop but was not allowed until I left home at 18. I'd always want to encourage a talent but never push it to the point of DCs misery. I'd always try and listen to them to make sure they were enjoying anything extra curricular.

What lovely replies

My hope is that I will always be my girls' safe place and I will always feel like home to them.
So often on here I read threads about the breakdown between parent and child, it's really sad to read. I want to make sure I build the foundations for our (hopefully) strong relationship early on to avoid any major problems at a later date.
Of course I'm not expecting everything to be smooth sailing all the time, like it isn't now in their early years, as long as they never question my love for them, I think we'll be ok

He will see how much he is loved, really, really loved.
He will feel like we always have time for him, his opinion matters and it's good to have your own opinion.
He will have good values and morals.
I can always look him in the eye and tell him we always put him first and we always did what was best for him.

I want him to be happy, no matter what path he takes in life, I just want him to be healthy and happy.

Of course I'm not expecting everything to be smooth sailing all the time, like it isn't now in their early years,

What's going on for you to say this?

@happyhappyhappynot
Nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual terrible two's and summer holiday sibling arguments. I just meant that some times will be harder than others, but I'd like them to know without a doubt that I am always here for them.

I think you need to make time for your child. Be interested in their interests. Be consistent with boundaries. Apologise if you fuck up. Don't compare siblings.