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Original poster

lying about being on contraception

30 replies

Emma2202 · 16/08/2019 13:44

So my friend met this girl and for 2 weeks they were casually seeing each other. In the first week the girl has became pregnant with his child, although she told him she was on the mini pill and also had the implant? Now it’s came to light that she lied about both and she actually wasn’t on anything. So anyway both decided to have an abortion until my friend decided he didn’t want to continue seeing the girl, 8 weeks later she’s kept the baby and demanding money off him and demanding his involvement? Obviously this isn’t the babies fault but my friend already has a child and he feels traumatised by this, does he need to peruse with this or is there anyone he could speak to about it?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 16/08/2019 13:49

He doesn't need to be involved but he needs to support his child. It is utterly rubbish that she lied but why on earth didn't he use a condom? It's not just about pregnancy but he could have caught an STI from her.

The bottom line is that he slept with someone he hardly knows without a condom- it's a tough lesson to learn but if he already has a child he must realise that if he doesn't want to support children he should ensure that he doesn't father them.

I also assume that he was actually sleeping with a grown woman and not a girl.

mindutopia · 16/08/2019 14:06

Obviously he needs to be a grown up and take care of his child. Anyone with half a brain would no it’s not possible to be on the pill and also have an implant, so he should have known that story was rubbish. But regardless of contraception, no one should be having unprotected sex with some random they just met if they don’t want to end up with a baby. She very well could have been on the pill, but horrible at remembering to take it, which he wouldn’t even know because in only a week or two, they’d probably not even know each other’s surnames! Sounds like they were both very stupid but now they need to be adults and take care of this child.

Original poster
Emma2202 · 16/08/2019 14:15

She’s 19

OP posts:
Original poster
Emma2202 · 16/08/2019 14:15

He’s 21

OP posts:
Yogurtcoveredricecake · 16/08/2019 14:17

Ignoring the bit where he could go back in time and use a condom, he needs to contribute towards the baby. However, I'd say it's probably wise to ask for a DNA test given they'd only known each other a few days before her getting pregnant.

floodypuddle · 16/08/2019 14:22

Mindutopia I was offered the pill while I had the implant as my periods had become really irregularand so wad a friends of mine so its not unreasonable.

I don't think he had a choice and it absolutely sucks for him. I'm off the minds that this should be prosecuted in the same way as removing a condom during sex add he did not consent to sex without contraception and they had clearly discussed it beforehand.

TigerQuoll · 16/08/2019 14:37

"he did not consent to sex without contraception"
"I don't think he had a choice"

Yes he did - he didn't use a condom. He had the chance to control things and he chose not to. As other people said it was irresponsible to not use one, leaving aside the baby issue he could have caught an STI.

Merrysnow · 16/08/2019 14:40

OP, MN is adamant that no matter what, men are at fault even if the woman has lied her way into pregnancy. I feel so sorry for your friend and it’s so wrong that he’ll now be paying for this baby. However be warned MN is not the most sympathetic site in these cases

Femodene · 16/08/2019 14:43

His choices were-abstain from intercourse, vasectomy, or use a condom and spermicide. That’s where they begin and end. He chose to not use contraception himself, and to ejaculate in a woman he’d known for a matter of hours, so now he must pay for his kid. Condoms are free in a lot of places, is he stupid? He needs tested for diseases, too.

BertieBotts · 16/08/2019 14:44

Why is this in parenting?

He has learned an extremely harsh lesson - don't trust somebody you've only known for 2 weeks with something as massive as contraception. Always use a condom as well until you really feel you trust somebody.

As for what to do now - if she really is pregnant, that child is going to be in the world and will need him. Unfortunately, it's kind of tough shit if he feels upset about it. That doesn't change the fact that someone vulnerable will rely on him.

He shouldn't pay her any money unless the pregnancy is confirmed though - scan picture with her name on it etc. Just in case - she has proven that she would lie about one thing. But if the baby really exists then yes he will be responsible to pay maintenance and ensure (as far as he can) that the child is having adequate care, whether that's by being involved in its life or not.

If he is feeling overwhelmed and traumatised by the situation he should seek counselling perhaps?

Suebnm · 16/08/2019 14:44

What does he want to talk to someone about? Does he need counselling?

He had unprotected sex by choice and created a baby. He can't be forced to see his own child but should be forced to pay for yet another baby he created. He can't say he doesn't know how babies are made now can he?

Fizzpopwhizzbang · 16/08/2019 14:47

No one can force him to take an active role in the child's life, but he can certainly be forced to pay maintenance. I'm afraid at this point it really is up to her what happens.

Kungfupanda67 · 16/08/2019 14:51

Yes he was stupid, he should have used a condom.

But she was worse. She lied about being on contraception and the result of her lies is that this man will become a father to a child he doesn’t want.

PP has said it already but if a man says he’s wearing a condom and takes it off half way through, no one would blame the woman for that. No one would say ‘well you should have been on the pill as well’.

AllSweetnessAndLight · 16/08/2019 14:59

They sound very immature. They should do a DNA test. She lied about other stuff and manipulated him so who knows if your friend really is the father.

BertieBotts · 16/08/2019 15:07

Right, but who was worse isn't really relevant is it? If you've known somebody for two weeks, and you decide to hand them the keys to your car because they promise you they are a really sensible safe driver, they turn out to be a total alcoholic, drive drunk and write it off - of course, it's worse to drive drunk and write somebody's car off than it is to be a little bit naive and lend someone your car, but the end result is still the same - you still now have no car.

And this isn't a clear civil matter about who pays for the crashed car as you might be able to argue in the car scenario. This is a baby - a child who is going to need care regardless of whose "fault" it was they were conceived. They didn't ask to be born.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 16/08/2019 15:09

Ashe can demand till blue in the face.
He can tell her her choices are abortion or single motherhood and she can go through CMS when the baby is born and she has completed the DNA test (he will have to pay for the DNA test but CMS will arrange it)

whattodowith · 16/08/2019 15:37

I hate threads like this.

He had the choice to use a condom or abstain. Sadly those (along with vasectomy) are the only ways a man can currently protect himself. This woman did not rape him, he chose to have sex with her without a condom. A woman can’t ‘trap’ a man. He’s either sensible enough to insist on condoms or he’s an idiot and trusts the woman he has been seeing for two weeks...

DNA test when the baby is born and if it is his he will have to pay maintenance.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 16/08/2019 15:56

@whattodowith she's a scheming bitch. She purposely deceived him.

He could've been smarter but these two individuals are not equally guilty.

PixieLumos · 16/08/2019 16:05

It’s unfair and what she did was very very wrong, but that’s why it’s important for everyone, including men, to take responsibility for their sexual health - if it was just a two week casual thing then he should have worn a condom. Even if she had been taking contraception, what about STDs? He’ll just have to accept what’s happened and support the child. Although as others have said a DNA test should be done as well.

Teddybear45 · 16/08/2019 16:08

Yes, DNA test for after the baby is born, and go via the CSA for child support so it’s all recorded. She sounds like a real piece of work.

whattodowith · 16/08/2019 16:32

@Contraceptionismyfriend meh, she definitely isn’t a ‘scheming bitch’ at all and they are equally responsible.

He knew her for two weeks ffs, he should have been protecting himself from STI’s at that stage if nothing else.

msmith501 · 16/08/2019 16:33

Out of interest is she definitely pregnant and not just trying to trap your friend?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 16/08/2019 16:33

Of course she's a scheming bitch! She told him that she was on two very reliable forms of contraception. She wasn't. That's not. Mistake she made.

Femodene · 16/08/2019 18:00

I’d love to know what exactly there is to ‘trap’ with a 21 year old who’s soon to have TWO kids to two different women? No one would want that, nevermind ‘trapping’ him, not a catch.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 16/08/2019 18:08

If there is one thing MN has taught me it that some women's standards are gutter low.

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