MIL

[ifonlylifewas]

Hi,
Not sure if I'm posting in the right section.
We have two daughters and have been married 15 years (20 years together) OH mum and dad split 8 years ago. When they were together and prior to us having children it would often be his dad visiting more than his mum but we hoped when the girls came along that she would be a bit more interested in visiting.
To cut a long story short when the oldest was born they visited us a couple of times and we visited them and the first 12 months were happy. DD second year she started to lose interest to the point that by the time it was her 3rd birthday she forgot to post a card or send a gift and texted later that day to say sorry she forgot. This lead to a great big argument between OH and his mum and ended with OH telling her she can't pop in and out of DD life like she has done as it's unfair.
The next couple of years were very strained and despite attempts to get her to visit she wouldn't. Along came DD two and she visited a week after she was born then we heard nothing more.
We then attended a family party the following year and she was all over both girls and told them she loved them and missed them and would keep in touch. Which did happen, we called her and she called us. We invited her upto school events and parties but there was always a reason she couldn't come.

The phone calls stop but cards sent with money at Christmas and New year.
We kept trying to resolve it and every so often we would hear.
To cut a very long story short the eldest just got a phone for her birthday (predominately for walking to school part way through year 6).
MIL found out about the phone and messaged OH saying she would like to get to know the girls again but rather than communicating via us would like to speak to them on DD's phone.
We don't know what we should do, for several years now she's pop into their lives then back out and when OH suggested us visiting her after this recent text she ignored this and just said she wants a relationship with the girls!
Do we let the girls be in communication with her or do we say without proper family involvement of visiting each other then there is no point to keep calling them. Also what happens if we give her DD's number and she phones a few times then decides she had enough like in the past?

It sounds to me like her issue is with you/OH. Have either of you had big issues with her in the past?

I wouldn’t let her what her phone number until she has been consistently in their lives for a year.

Hi AMIThough,

From what we gather but a lot of it is that it's hear say is that she doesn't like OH telling her she can't pop in and out of the girls lives and we have also be informed that she's never really liked me because before I came along her son use to run around after her (he lived at home then and worked close to home) and now he's set up home with me he doesn't.
For reference he works 60 hour weeks to allow me to' work part time and spend time with the girls and for the girls to do activities which he or I wasn't able to do growing up because neither of our parents could afford them.
So yes she probably does have issues with us but for the sake of her only grandchildren we should all work together before they are both at an age where they play on phones all day or prefer to be outside with friends.

Her issues seem to be of her own making, then.

I agree with not giving her DD's phone number until she's proven herself to be a constant.

DP can just say that he'd like her to have a relationship with the whole family, not just DD, and that DD's phone is for emergencies only (even if that isn't the case).

You can't have a proper relationship communicating only via phone so if she's serious about wanting a relationship with DD's she's going to need to grow up and build a proper one with you too.

A simple breezy "Oh no, probably best not, eh?" would be my answer. Tell her it's an emergency only phone if you need to. Don't be concerned about insulting or upsetting her. She never bothered before about upsetting or insulting you, your DH or worse, her own grandchild.

She sound a little like my mum. She doesn't give much more than an occasional thought towards any of her 5 grandchildren. Doted on the first GC for a year or so then gave up bothering, especially when more kids arrived. She still posts and shares every "If your grandkids mean the world to you, share this post!" Facebook shit she comes across. Or will occasionally comment "That's grandma's boy!" If I post a pic of a DS winning a race or taking part in something etc. I don't know why she pretends. I don't think she knows his middle name and he's 7 now.