oh, the "will you use it" question
well as you can guess if you're mad enough to enrol on a phd and stick with it for seven dark years, you must be mad keen, and I am. Or was. Not sure which, these days.
At the end of my dissertation I had a one-year contract and when that ended I had a hell dilemma: look for jobs and either live apart from dh or ask him to quit his job and come with me, or stay put and try to get pg.
dh had already quit one job to come to uk with me; we already tried living apart for a year and hated it; and I was 37. In some ways, the decision was a no-brainer, but it really hurt to have to choose in cold blood like that.
for the past 15 months I have pretty much felt that my career is over: I don't know how to write while being sole carer for ds, and I don't see how I'm going to get a job if I go 2 years without being employed or publishing. And tbh, I'm a bit resentful that this career asks you to keep writing even if you're not employed. I'm fed up with working for free (no scholarship, you see).
On the other hand, we had always planned for me to be main breadwinner, dh is miserable at his work and charming though I find my ds I miss abstract thought, so....