FORTNIGHT WWYD?

[marl]

DS2 very anxious about starting secondary school but this is coinciding with a holiday obsession about when his screen time is, coupled with Fortnight. The two may or may not be linked but behaviour is awful at the moment so would welcome some advice as it is becoming a source of real disruption in our family. Would really like to know if anyone has experienced this re Fortnight playing or whether it's just us. All the arguing seems to be creating a constant bad atmosphere in the house. Outcomes of this seem to be:

1. Constant crying and real anger when he is told he can't go on it or has lost it because of poor behaviour.
2. Constant requests about when he can go on screens which he tries to escalate into arguments
3. Delays when asked to come off despite a five minute warning and bad tempers afterwards.
4. Lashing out verbally at DS3. Particularly when he has just come off playing.

To put it in context he has an hour a day at the weekend and an hour only on two days of the week in the holidays which won't be there in school time so it's not like a boy who is gaming all the time. His other source of anger is that he is 'the only one' of his friends without a PS4 so is using this as a reason why he feels he can't ask friends over poor deprived boy. 🙄 He is bright, reasonably sporty and has a number of friends he is worried about losing I think as he moves schools, but I am at my wits end with him. Removing it completely is a temptation but on the other hand I recognise he uses it to play with friends virtually and don't want him to be excluded from social circles. Advice welcome. I'm tempted just to remove the game from the house!

That's pretty limited screen time imo. I'd perhaps offer more for good behaviour. For context I have an 11yr old and i don't set time limits on gaming at all. But mine spends more time out playing or at activities than on screens so when the weather's rubbish or he comes in for the night I don't mind if he wants to spend a couple of hours gaming (after homework and chores). Can't help re the behaviour though as mine has never tantrumed over screen time, gets off when I tell him too etc. Might be because when he got an xbox I told him any tantrums and it goes in the bin, I generally follow through with threats and he knows this!

He won't want to ask friends over as he would be so embarrassed if he couldn't let them play games with him because it wasn't a screen time day! I know we all have different rules at home but yours are the strictest I have come across.

...and of course, a five minute warning on Fortnite won't necessarily give him time to finish a game, so you will be pulling him out of a game he was playing with other people - which might make them lose.

Ok. Interesting thoughts - thankyou. We started the holiday with an hour a day plus he is also spending time fiddling on new phone for secondary school messaging friends so the total shows up on his phone-recorded screen time as a lot of hours. I cut fortnight down to total 4 hours a week because it seemed to have such a negative effect post-gaming but now I'm not sure whether that is better or worse. Neither Ds1 at this age (now grown up) or 2 seem to be able to 'self regulate' on screens tbh but I could try that again with DS2 perhaps? The thought fills me with dread!

I learnt with my 13 yr old he can have up to two hours in holidays however for that he has to behave or it reduces in 15 min slots also I make him regulate time
Through a timer on his phone which takes me out of the equation in terms of nagging to come of ! It is however a constant struggle and I feel
Your pain !

I have an 11 year old and I have been more lax with screen time this holiday than you. Partly because we are often out all day. And when the weather is nice he would rather go to the park with friends. (Fwiw....his friends have all gone off fortnight now. They are back on Minecraft.) Ds did use to strop about PS time. He's been better recently so maybe it's just maturity.

I agree that's very limited screen time, I'm fairly relaxed about it and learnt fast that gaming is a vital part of boys bonding and building important friendships at secondary school age.
Ds is allowed to pretty much self regulate his screen time now (he's 14) but has the same non negotiables that he had at your ds age. His room needs to be tidy, bed made, washing away etc and he needs to have had breakfast, be dressed etc before he starts. I always made sure we had other stuff planned or invited his friends over, so he had plenty of time away from it too. He knows that all meals are as a family and in the holiday we always try and watch a film together or work through a box set etc
I found that the angry outbursts subsided post 12/13 and in all honesty pick your battles with him wisely! The world is a very different place these days, screen time is very much the modern day equivalent of me sitting on the kitchen worktop on the phone to my best pal for hours!!

Thank you all for your wise responses. Will try to be measured about this in the face of the constant storm!

It isn't much screen time for someone who likes gaming. Maybe allow him more freedom. That being said, his behaviour is really worrying. I would tell him that if his bad behaviour continues the console will be taken away from him and donated to a charity. And actually mean it.

Fortnite does have a particular impact due to the type of game it is - playing against others, trying to win for your team, hard to drop out of a game.
Ds and his friends don't play it as much any more, I do find him calmer when he is playing things like FIFA. So the interest is likely to burn out after a while.

I think it is worth discussing with him how long each game takes.

If you were in the middle of a game of bridge with 4 friends, you wouldn't like to be told to stop in the middle of a game, you'd need 15-20mins warning.

So e.g. You could say 1hr30, but any game in progress at that time gets finished, with 2hrs as a hard limit. Arguing about coming off / bad behaviour afterwards leads to 15mins less time the next day.

Is there a suitable 'decompression' activity that can be done directly afterwards? (e.g. go for a run). Though again the timing of the game time would need to take that into account?

Or, allow the console but ban fortnite.

I agree 5 minutes warning are no good on fortnite . Finish that game at 20 minutes before you want them off is far better .

I called my son on his behaviour when he came off it . If he behaved badly he wouldn’t go on next day . I rarely have an issue when he gets off . Ask him what he thinks of his own behaviour ?

(I became a lot more understanding of both the issues with and attractions of Fortnite when I had a shot at it myself!)

Exactly, Banjo! Play it with him! It's Fortnite. Your screen time is way way stricter than mine. Talk to him about it. It's a very compelling game but there are different modes, like creative.

Does he play on a PC?

This is how kids play. And how they play with your friends. I would loosen up - it’s the holidays after all. What would happen if you let him try having as much as he wanted for a couple of days? He would probably self regulate.

Totally right to expect good behaviour but your rules are too tight. My sensible older DS suggests you should allow 3-4 hours a day on the hols. But with the requirement he doesn’t get frustrated or spend money on the game.

I think you’re doing the right thing by limiting his usage because that stuff can be addictive. I’d probably allow a little more time on the weekend particularly if it’s raining so an outdoor activity would not be appropriate.

I think withdrawing his ability to play when his behaviour is poor is actually reasonable. It’ll teach him that actions have consequences.