Do you and your siblings have the same memory/outlook on your upbringing?

[munemema]

I'm the oldest and I have a sister 2 years younger.

Both of us have generally fond childhood memories but my sister does hold some grudges about some of the things our parents did, which I have never felt.

e.g.

• Mum went to work as soon as DSis started school and we went to a neighbour's after school. I would have preferred to be going home to mum (as most of our friends did at the time) but I just accepted things as they were. DSis remembers that as a miserable time.

• When I was 9 the neighbour moved away so I was given a key, we walked home together (very close to school) and let ourselves in and watched TV until Mum got home about an hour later. I wouldn't do it for my own DC now but we were sensible kids and no harm ever became us. My view as an adult is that they was doing what seemed right at the time - DSis thinks it was terribly neglectful.

-DF was very pushy with regards school work. I just see that as him wanting the best for us, DSis feels damaged by it.

-They were very strict in a 1970s kind of way about things like clearing your plate, we had an earlier (we thought) bedtime than our friends and less freedom to be out roaming than some of the other local children. Again I just see that as them caring and doing what they thought was best, DSis is still resentful.

-They were certainly not soft and fluffy parents, not many hugs or "I love yous" but , I see that as a them being a product of their own upbringing and certainly knew we were loved and cared for from their actions, even if not their words. DSis is very judgmental of them as parents, particularly in this respect.

I don't understand why, having being brought up the same we have such different feelings about the whole thing. Our relationships with them as adults are very different. I still, as I approach 50, go to them regularly for support or advice, which is willingly given. DSis sees time she spends with them as a chore and a duty which must be done.

My brother and I were 3.5 years apart (him younger) and I constantly felt he had it better/easier than me as but overall I was happy, felt supported, had nice experiences and got on with my parents (still do). They didn’t have much but they tried their best for us.
My brother on the other hand said he had a terribly deprived childhood, with an absent father (working to feed us/pay the mortgage like most 80s dads) and that my parents were strict and mean.

I honestly don’t understand how he could think that when I have pictures of us as kids, smiling, laughing, having fun on holidays and with friends etc...totally normal. I don’t understand how we can have had such different views.

Well we are all individuals with our own personalities and perceptions so it’s not surprising that siblings would remember their childhoods differently.
In our family we have one sibling who thinks we had a normal happy upbringing and 5 others who all remember it being difficult and stressful but for lots of different reasons! I guess we all interpreted our parents actions in different ways.

We do, more or less, but my sister tends to be harsher on them than I am. Your upbringing sounds quite similar to my sister's and mine in some ways, and we also have a two year age gap (I'm the elder). The main thing we resent is the frequency of corporal punishment that was dished out, but I think we acknowledge that it was normal for the times (70s - 80s) endorsed by it being common in schools too.

I still, as I approach 50, go to them regularly for support or advice, which is willingly given. DSis sees time she spends with them as a chore and a duty which must be done.

Again, this is very similar to my sister and me. I wonder if it's an older sibling thing?