Please help BIRTH CERTIFICATE

[Ricky2019]

PLEASE HELP

I recently had my first child 2 weeks ago
Me and the mother decided to mutually split up before the birth
I have been there every step of the way
I brought everything for her and the baby
Also was at every scan and at the birth I been there after as much as I can also
But she using the baby as a weapon
I have to walk on egg shells and do all she says I found out 2 days ago she done the birth certificate with out me and I'm sadly not on there :(
HOW DO I GO ABOUT GETTING ON THERE
OR WHAT DO I DO
I ALSO WANT PARENTAL RIGHTS AND TO SEE MY CHILD WITH OUT FEAR OF IT STOPPING
PLEASE HELP

You need to go with her to register the birth, especially if you aren't married.

Op says she's done it without him already.

I think you'll need to apply to court to get it changed.

Preschool, she’s already done the birth certificate!

Ricky, I think you best get yourself a family solicitor.

You need to apply to the court for a declaration of parentage. If she refuses to acknowledge you as the father, the court will order her to do a dna test.
“If there’s been a ‘Declaration of Parentage’
A Declaration of Parentage is when the court decides who the father of a baby is. You don’t need to do anything to change the birth record if there’s been a Declaration of Parentage made by a court. The court will tell the General Register Office and the birth will be re-registered. You’ll need to order a new birth certificate if you want one.”

Bit late for that preschool

Op your baby is 2 weeks old. Some women experience extremely protective feelings in relation to newborns for weeks after the birth. If you aren't in a relationship with her anymore and don't live with her I can see why you/she might feel some anxiety about this new relationship that you will always have now.

To be blunt this first few weeks is about her and the baby getting over the birth really, not you. If you want to be a good dad and be supportive then just be there as much as you can for her. Offer to hold the baby while she has a shower, offer to make her a cup of tea, tell her what a good job she's doing. Show her you can be trusted and want the best fur all involve and it's not just about you and your rights,

If you start getting into argy bargy with a woman who gave birth 2 weeks ago about your rights and wanting to have the newborn baby to yourself then frankly, you aren't going to win and it's just going to upset everyone involved.

I disagree with @pastabest, if you have been as supportive as you say and there’s no back story where you’ve done something awful then you deserve to be on your child’s birth certificate, ‘protective feelings’ are no excuse for the mother to be so snide as not to tell you she was going to the registry office.

My DS’s father left when I got pregnant. He has never met DS, doesn’t know when he was born and has never shown an interest. He took the trouble to be nasty though and tell me my then unborn DS ruined his life. You should like a decent man and I wish my DS had a father who cared. Apply to the court, get your parental rights.

Yes because good dads jump to taking the the mother of a two week old baby to court rather than trying to mediate and build a relationship first

Ok Ricky why don't you tell us some more about how she using the two week old baby as a weapon and what kind of things you are having to walk on eggshells over so we can get a better picture of the extent of her unreasonableness.

Because in other parts of mumsnet she's done exactly what new mums with difficult exes are often advised to do by not putting the father in the birth certificate.

It is parental responsibility and not parental rights.
Going to court is guaranteed to turn an already difficult situation into an outright war.
What you describe as supportive, she may well experience as overbearing / controlling.
If you want to have a meaningful role in your child's life then listen to the mother and take your lead from her in terms of what support she wants/ needs.
If she allowed you to be at the birth it is likely that she does want you involved.

No where is the OP presenting as a ‘difficult ex’ therefore your point is invalid.

Wow, some of the comments! Whether it was due to hormones or not, she shouldn't of registered the birth without you. You are the father and have a right to be in the birth certificate, unfortunately you'll now need to go through the courts.
OP, nothing you have said has been unreasonable, your ex however has been very unreasonable. She sounds a bit unstable so in your shoes I'd apply to courts ASAP so you can get a court order so she has to let you see your child if needs be.

Pastabest, but the OP would not be taking his child’s mother to court.
The court proceedings aren’t about declaring who is right or a winner or loser. It is simply to register a declaration of parentage so he is registered as the legal father of his child.

Madwoman- no, it is both parental rights and responsibilities. The mother is not the autocrat governing everything about a child’s life. The father has rights and an equal say. Your opinion that a fathers role should be to merely listen and obey the mother is misandrist.

I'm with @AngelasAshes on this one.

Both parents deserve the right to be acknowledged as the parent if they so choose. It isn't the 'choice' of the mother. Once that child is born it has the potential to have two equal parents in its life. With no further information and a reliance on the OP, I'd suggest getting yourself to a lawyer ASAP so that you can get this acknowledgment and all the rights and responsibilities that come with it.

Wow I agree some of these comments are just crazy. It is mad how some people on here immediately jump to the man must be overbearing or controlling and he must be somehow at fault. From what we can tell from this post (which is all we have to go on) it has been in no way presented like that. Every father has EQUAL rights to see his child. It is not just the mother's baby and protective feelings post birth give her absolutely no right to register the birth without him. I agree OP, go and find yourself some legal support. Good luck to you x

If they aren't married then the father does not have equal 'rights'. Otherwise the law would be that both parents have to be present to register the birth. It isn't, if they aren't married then the mother has every right under the law as it stands to register the birth on her own and not name the father. Rightly or wrongly that is the case.

Everyone jumping up and down has to consider the potential reasons why this woman has taken this course of action when apparently everything was otherwise cordial between them, and even if it's because she's simply mental/a bitch/crazy/controlling etc she JUST had a baby, most rational people who genuinely had a good relationship with the mother of their child would try and support them in these first few weeks and wait for things to calm down a bit not start making demands about rights and access.

I completely agree that the father should be named on the birth certificate. I don't agree that this gives them equal rights over a 2 week old baby as the mother, or that 2 weeks post partum is a time where anyone should be having to have these conversations with an ex.

Surely everyone just needs to calm down a bit got now and TALK to each other about the future plans. Like adults. Who are now parents to a baby.

Thanks for all the comments
I know she just gave birth and she has al this bonding to do and recovering but it's my first child and I wanted him so bad she knows this I get we ain't together and I haven't been over powering or demanding I simply always said what ever he needs he can have and I have provided everything he now has is from me
I simply don't want to be on my knees to see my baby or not have a say in anything as it means a lot she has a lot of people telling her what to do and say so makes it hard for me she's doing all she can to keep it out my hands and when she needs money she contacts me currently I've brought and gave her everything so now ain't spoken to me or replied to me for 3/4 weeks I haven't seen him I don't know if he's okay :(

And for the people wanting to know how and why I walk on egg shells
During the pregnancy and shortly after
If she wanted something I.e money for anything it wasn't a request or ask it was can I have £300 ASAP and I said what isit for she would give me a dont matter I need it if it ain't there by 6pm I ain't coming to scan you won't see baby so on This went on and on with anything and everything i also have these texts as evidence
I have to bow to her choices and demands or I can't see or be part of my baby's life

You need to speak with a family court solicitor and possibly some support groups for fathers rights. I think it is incredibly wrong that a woman has the power to withhold paternal rights forcing fathers to go to court and can hold a child over someone until things are in writing by law (even then people break it).

Don't leave it too long to get the legal advice as you need to be able to bond with your baby.

I hope it does work out in the end so your child doesn't lose out

So sorry you're going through this OP. I agree a child should have a right to know who both parents are. (down the line if they need to know about a history of medical issues for instance)
Both parents have a right to be on the birth certificate too. Me and DP aren't married but I made sure he was on there and both children have his surname too (was brought up that the child takes the father's name - so 'old school' morals if you like)

I'd go to court to get your name put on the birth certificate OP, you and your child when he's older deserve that.
Have you seen him much?

Mummy2tomunchkins
Hi and sadly not enough
I was obviously there in the hospital and didn't leave I slept in chairs and the car in car park while he was kept in as he swallowed some poo and when I dropped them home I ain't seen him much I see him twice since home and that was 4 weeks ago
I ask every other day if he's okay or needs anything and I get no response I ask to see him nothing back it's so hard and I don't understand
As all her mates have baby's yet the dads run off and don't wanna know don't help I'm willing to do anything and just be there for him I even wanted him weekends so she can go out if she wanted or just get a break I think the nice approach and giving in to everything to keep her sweet to be at the birth maybe shot myself in the foot
My depression has gone through the roof and I'm struggling day to day I am loosing so much time with him and seeing him grow I was thinking about writing a note and posting it through her door just to say can I see him soon would be nice
Nothing horrible or bad
Just to show I won't go away I won't give up I just wanna see him but ain't sure about what to do so far
I've printed out the court forms today but so long wait I want to just see him so bad it's killing me always wanted a baby and when you have real lows it's Someone to keep straight for as he needs me to be positive

Can I ask why you split .

Does she consider you are a risk to her baby.

I would ask the direct question can I pop up tonight and see....

Have you actually seen baby at all as you say baby was born, you were at hospital but then not replied in 3/4 weeks?

If she is refusing completely you have no option but court .

If she agrees you can go on the birth certificate, then it is a simple matter for you to reregister the birth together.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/application-to-re-register-a-childs-birth-and-add-the-natural-fathers-details
If she won't reregister with you then you will need to prove you are the father. I would strongly recommend you speak to the General Register Office 0300 123 1837 for advice.

Another question ? Are you sure you are the father?