Very sensitive DD

[cheeseismyspiritanimal]

My DD has just turned 7 and as she gets older is getting more and more sensitive. She gets extremely upset but from seeing others get upset or things happening to others. She gets far more upset about things like this than being told off herself.

For example, she cries at children's films where a character is being made fun of, where the storyline is slightly sad or anything happens to the main characters. She also recently cried while watching a tv game show when one of the contestants was eliminated. I comforted her and explained he was just going home to his family etc and she calmed down but I was quite surprised at how upset she got.

Has anyone experienced this with a child? I'm wondering if it's something I need to worry about? Or if she's just a sensitive soul who needs a bit more nurturing.

What you described is incredibly high empathy- something the world needs more of. It doesn't sound too troubling, but if it starts to affect her socialization, it might be smart to talk to a professional. If nothing else they can give ways to cope with strong feelings.

There is a theory that some people (and children) and highly sensitive, there is a short book by Jamie Williamson called understanding the highly sensitive child. You might find it useful? I have a child who I believe is highly sensitive, and whilst there are some elements which are challenging, his empathy and understanding is astounding.

I'd like to echo @redcaryellowcar's sentiments about the astounding levels of emotional understanding. That's a pretty wonderful gift to have. Does she like to read and do you read stories together still? I do hope you go to your local library regularly where she can fill her boots with books.

TV and films play for instant kick-in-the-guts reactions and game shows are pretty cruel :)

Thank you for the comments. Will check out the book recommendation.

Yes she loves to read and we go to the library once a week. We read together most nights and she will sit in bed of an evening ploughing through a book herself. I read lots too and it's something I've always encouraged.

My 5 year old is exactly like this. She is extremely empathetic, which on one hand is lovely but can be troublesome in other ways. She absolutely hates the thought of other people being upset or unhappy, and told me herself that she didn’t want to watch the new Dumbo film as she wouldn’t be able to cope with the sad bits.
I’m not sure of the best way to deal with it either.

I have a niece who was / is like this. She's an adult now and seems to have better control of herself, but she was difficult to manage as a child. I can't count the times family outings were spoiled by her having to be taken out from e.g. pantomime, films, theatre, restaurants etc. Travel and holidays were a challenge (we didn't go with them, but I know they had to be very particular about where they went). She did a gap year thing in Africa which she loved but struggled to cope with the journey and with her feelings when it was over. More seriously she was not willing/ able to undertake a very important task when her father was in a life-threatening situation abroad and she was the only family member who could realistically have done it. It was so serious a let- down that it has adversely affected her relationship with him since.
I urge you to try to teach her more resilience and to recognise that whilst empathy is a wonderful characteristic, it's a fine line between that and self indulgence. Nobody feels they can ask anything of my niece these days for fear of a spectacular let down at the last minute, and of course that makes her feel bad, so it's something of a vicious circle.

DD hasn’t spoiled any family outings (as yet), she would hate this as she would hate the thought of letting people down so would essentially ‘suck up’ her discomfort for other people’s sake. In fact I often tell her it’s ok to say no to things and she doesn’t have to do things she doesn’t want to do just to make others happy.

I have a child like this, very sensitive and has lots of empathy

He is 14 now, and cried at the ending of Mice and Men in class, and at Fresh Prince when his dad does not want him (just 2 random examples) but he does not get picked on or anything. People know it is just "his thing", and being very empathetic means he has ended up with lots of friends.

Sometimes he curses his sensitivity, but mostly he has learned to handle it.

We have always told him there is nothing wrong with being sensitive, DH is the same, so that helps.

Avoid Michael Morpurgo books though! Seriously, avoid! Too much sadness for too young readers, we could not hack them

We've never had to take her out of the cinema/shows etc. It only ever happens at home luckily. She would absolutely hate the thought of spoiling something and is very social.

If she found something upsetting at the cinema she'd most likely not say anything but then say after once we'd got home, "it was really horrible in the film when..." etc.

Yes mine is the same OP, she’ll dwell on it when she gets home and get upset at bedtime for example.