3 week old is a terrible sleeper

[Blondiejay24]

I know it’s early days, but I am shattered. I’m not new to this so you’d think I’d be more prepared but I’m not. I ebf, and my LB feeds 1-2 hourly in the day and the same at night. By the time I drop off he’s awake again. I rarely nap in the day as I have a nearly 3 yo who is passed napping. She just won’t nap.
Every night he wakes and just won’t go back to sleep, I spend an hour-2 hours up and down, feeding, rocking soothing, feeding again. Eventually he goes back down by which time it’s 6.00 am and the suns up so I’m lucky if I get another hour.

It’s making me horrible person. I’m jealous of my husband who sleeps through it all and I’ve no patience with my little girl because I’m so tired and angry.

I live bf but thinking of introducing some formula if it might mean I get more than an hour and a half’s sleep!
Just feeling so down.

DS was a pickle too - very long feeds and took up to 40 mins to wind. By the time that was done, there would maybe be a few mins until it all started again. Luckily, I didn’t have a older child to look after.

I don’t have any useful advice but I’d say that formula might not make much difference. DS was on formula. The only upside would be getting DH ‘on duty’ some nights if you start mixed feeding.

We introduced a bottle before bed. I would feed then DH top up with bottle while I crashed. He would then settle DC to sleep. I would do any night time wakes.
Try to get at least 1 sleep in on a weekend to recharge a little.
Good luck 💐

Yeah I think you need to use weekends to sleep with your baby during the day. Your husband is going to have to entertain your first born to enable you to do that. He also needs to do everything round the house so you can just concentrate on baby and feeding. It's only a short period of time and then sleep should get a bit better but you just need to do what you need to do to survive! Are you bedsharing with your baby? That was a lifesaver for me.

Your baby is three weeks, it has no concept of night and day and won't till about three months bare with it, ask your DH to jelp with the three year old, msybe he coukd take them all out for two hours on Saturday you could just sleep.

Not surprised you are shattered! DD was like this, but I didn’t have any other children so THANK GOD I could nap in the day. I switched to formula at 6 weeks and it made such a difference to her sleep. It might be worth introducing one bottle to see if it helps, but to be honest the biggest difference for me was when we switched completely. As PP have said though, it’s not guaranteed it will help.

A dummy also really helped her settle too.

Hoping you get some sleep soon.

I'd BF lying down in bed and safely cosleep. I got far more sleep with my second than my first because I didn't spend ages trying to put him down, rocked to sleep etc. Cosleeping meant I could feed without getting out of bed and I kept dozing. In the early days, DH would even change his nappy whilst I fed so DS barely woke up either. It honestly saved my sanity!

My son was born in the 1980s when there was far less pressure to breastfeed.
i had to go back to work when he was 6 weeks old as that is all we got then but there was a dramatic difference in his sleep after I went over to formula at 6 weeks in preparation for work, it was a lot more faff with sterilising etc but he'd sleep all night.

Mind you that could just be the kind of baby he was, I was breastfed for a whole year in the 60's and used to sleep through the night very early.

Can you feed lying on your side? It was the only way I slept with dc3. My sympathy goes out to you 😔

At three weeks this is normal op. It'll get better but there's nothing you can do at this early stage about her sleep pattern. I think you need to have words with your DH about the fact that you can't do it all though

Your baby is not a 'terrible sleeper'. All sounds very normal considering it's only been 3 weeks.

Babies need to feed regularly as their stomachs are so little. Most babies' sleep improves with time. It just feels hard now because being a new parent is such a huge life change and you're in the eye of the storm.

Do whatever you can to make things easy for yourself e.g. minimal housework, ready meals. Hopefully you'll get more sleep soon, my sympathies because I know it's tough

I'd also say that whichever way a baby is fed, there will be a considerable difference between a 3 week old and a 6-8 week old. By 6-8 weeks it gets better and it isn't uncommon to get 5h of sleep in one stretch.

We did shifts until 8 weeks, was hard work but it settles down and at 10 weeks we wondered why we were doing shifts as they slept through them.

Urghhhh you have my sympathies, my DD was the same, up and feeding g every 2 hours. She was small so only had a small stomach, so fed very frequently. It did pass but I remember the hell that was being tired

Lookup safe cosleeping.

Dd1 was a constant feeder at that age, I was up all night every night. Bears no relationship to how they will be later on. She slept from 8pm to 8am from 12 weeks old for pretty much the rest of her childhood! Hang in there, in my view this is the tough bit.

If you are wanting to continue with breast milk why not look at expressing some so your partner could do one or two feeds in the night so you can get some sleep?

Co-sleep (read up on safely doing so), BF lying down, nap when baby naps and google '4th trimester'. You also need an excellent sling so that baby is close to you.

Thanks for all the advice ladies. I know I’ll just have to ride it out. It’s just awful when you know every night will be the same. I try and nap when I can, when I don’t have my daughter as she won’t nap herself so I can’t leave her unattended obvs. I have a sling, so we do that in the day if I need to. I have tried bf lying down but honestly I find it uncomfortable! Wish I could co sleep but again, I become so anxious I get even less sleep (tried with my daughter) and also I’m so tired I’d be terrified id roll over or something. So I’d rather not risk it. I don’t know if it would make him sleep any longer even if he was lay next to me. Holding him perhaps, but again that’s a no go.
We’re just buckling down for the night now. I’ve been keeping log of his sleep patterns and he’s quite consistent at being a shot sleeper lol. Usually 2 hours at first, then an hour and half, then an hour or maybe 2 then we get a bad patch of fussing before he officially wakes at around 6.30/7.00. I will be so glad when I can get 3-4 hours. It just seems unreachable at the moment!

Anyone combine fed, or replaced a feed at night and found that helped?

Can't you feed him then hand him over to dh to do the walking/patting?

And I know it’s early days at 3 weeks, I do! I am not completely new as I have another child. My daughter was just different. She slept 2/3 hours at a time and I thought that was rough. She was sleeping 4-6 by 3 months. It just seems so far away! And this one wakes sometimes 30-40 mins after a feed which is a killer. The second you’ve fallen asleep he is awake again. And he’s quite adjusted to night and day already I think. He has a few awake periods in the day now. He is just a greedy baby. Very good weight gain, never lost any of his birth weight. Just feeds all the time. Always mouthing and licking his tongue out for more when he’s awake in the day!

My husband is not very helpful.. he was the first week when he was off work but now he’s back at work, his job is very demanding. Always working, sometimes into the early hours himself. So I can’t realistically expect him to keep me every night. He helps when he can. He’s also been sleeping downstairs because he’s got a cold and his snoring is so bad that it’s disturbing the already limited sleep in getting. So yeah.. he’s not much of an option. Although it would be nice to have some help.

Another one whose babies' sleep was transformed when we switched to formula - sorry. I combi fed DS2 for several weeks and the bedtime bottle was an absolute god send. Once we made the full switch to formula, a few days after, he went from sleeping 4 ish hour blocks, to 6ish, to 8.

I introduced a little bit of formula at one feed last night, only an ounce then I put him on the breast to settle him. He seemed more restful. Wasn’t as cranky and as wakeful. Usually he’d wake again 45 mins later but I got 2 hours. So that’s something. I feel a lot better today and nowhere near as tired. So I might keep it up a few nights to see if it’s a one off or it continues to help.

Glad you feel better today OP. I know so many mums who introduced just one bottle of formula at bedtime and then continued to breast feed the rest of the time.