Making mum friends

[Grey86]

What is everyone’s thoughts on making “mum friends” during mat leave? Is it important or will it naturally fall into place during nursery and school years? I feel like I’m having one of those days where you over think and over analyse EVERYTHING!! My little boy is 7 months old and I have met 1 other mum through a baby group who I meet up with but that’s it. We’ve been to afew different baby classes and do the polite chit chat thing with other mums but thats as far as it goes. Deep down, I guess I’m of the mindset that I’d rather genuinely click with someone rather than just meet up because we both have babies, if that makes sense. However, an acquaintance is off on mat leave just now too and she has a group of mum friends who she met at NCT class and I can’t help but feel a little jealous. I manage to fill most days going to activities, out for walks, the odd coffee date or seeing Grandparents so I’m not lonely, I guess I’m just questioning whether I should be trying to do more to get myself out there and meet more mum friends now. Mat leave is shortly coming to an end (October) and I guess in my pregnancy head I thought I would meet and make lots of mum friends but it’s not worked out like that. Just wanted to get others peoples thoughts on it and hear about others experiences.

I think it is dependent on you.

For many new parents, their world and whole life has been turned upside down, and it is really supportive to get to know other parents with little ones of a similar age, to talk to and chat about worries, concerns, niggles, etc and reassure each other everything is okay.

If you've got to 7 months old without needing that support / reassurance, then it clearly isn't important for you.

I have to say, once you are at work, you don't tend to get to know other parents at Nursery - you pick up and drop off, have a quick word with their key worker and rush off to work or off home for the evening. Other parents do the same, and their timings will all be different. YOu only get to know other parents at school if you are able to regularly pick them up from the playground.

I never made any mum friends on mat leave, tried a few times but ultimately it felt too much work. Maybe I wasn’t that invested, my husband is self employed so I saw him sporadically through the days, my sister is a SAHM close to me so I never felt lonely. I could hold a conversation at soft play and that was enough for me.
I know a couple of mums now from the nursery when the LOs have had parties but it’s odd making friends based solely on your children, the conversations can be seriously dull at times. Plus when you work full time there is limited time to meet on wkends etc

Hi Grey86,

I'm not surprised that many new Mums don't get round to creating a mum-network; unless you're a natural social butterfly meeting new people is daunting, particularly when you are trying to adjust to having a baby.

I suffer from social anxiety; I was bullied all through school and can find communication difficult. I was determined that my little girl would not go through that, so I made networking my top priority. I figured if I found lots of friends for her to grow up with she'd never be lonely.

I joined NCT, but it can be hit and miss. I was in a group of 8 couples, we were all spread across the county. Whereas my friend from the same town was in a smaller group all living close together and they formed a close bond. It just caused me more anxiety worrying that they didn't like me and I regret the time spent breastfeeding one-handed as I tried to think of something meaningful to respond to whatever mini-crisis someone on the what's app group was having that day. The mums' what's app groups are ridiculous - on Mat leave I could get 50 messages a day, which just caused me stress.

Then it became hard to meet up even with the local mums as we all had conflicting nap times and feeding times. Once we went back to work we all had different days off.

So it's not all its cracked up to be.

My little girl is now nearly 3. She's made her own friends at nursery, and she now does the networking for me! The mum I see most is her best friend from nursery, who also ended up in her swimming class. My husband takes her swimming at the weekend so the parents met him first.

So if you're still looking to meet other mums (and dads!) there's lots of toddler classes like swimming, baby ballet, football etc - even if you work FT there's loads on at the weekend. A cheaper option is playgroups. Anywhere parents take their kids. You may recognise someone from nursery at a class or the park - or it may be your little one who recognises their friend! Once they're at school / pre-school they will tell you who their friends are and ask you to invite them to your house - mine does!

Even if you don't do the pick ups/ drop offs is your partner someone who can help break the ice? Any existing friends, neighbours or work colleagues with small children?

All my daughter's friends are in the next school year so they'll be moving on and my little girl will have to start from scratch, as will I. But I trust her to make new friends for us both.