DNA Test / CSA / Child maintainable service.

[Neverbroken]

Me and my daughters father aren’t together. She was born premature and he only came to see her for the first time yesterday because I told him I would get the CSA to carry out the DNA test he has requested.

He is requesting this to play a game as I haven’t slept with anyone, I found out in the waiting room for one of midwife appointments he had another woman pregnant (due two days after me). The week later I went into labour - stress much?

Anyway I agreed to a DNA telling him he would pay for it as I won’t pay for information I already know. When we next speak he asks me to go halves on the DNA, I agree to get it over and done with. He then says well how is this going to work because I don’t want to be anywhere near you. I told him that’s fine and to think about whether he wants me to arrange for a contact centre. He then calls me asking why he should have to go to a contact center to see his daughter. After this I tell him I will get CSA to do the DNA as every time we spoke he would be disrespectful and name call. He says they’ll make me pay for that, I said I know. He then all of a sudden was available to see the baby. Anyway he got disrespectful again after the visit so I feel like sticking to my guns and just getting the CSA to do the DNA. My dad has offered to pay for one but I don’t think he should have to when her dad is disrespecting me and from what I’ve read online if we get it done by CSA there’s no chance of anyone else swabbing for him as the identity of the person is verified before the test is carried out.

My question is:

Will CSA/CMS carry out the DNA if I don’t want child support from him? I just basically want my child to know who her father is at the end of the day.
What have your experiences been like with CSA?

I believe, although I'm not 100%, that they will only do it if you are pursuing a case against the father. It is their duty to ensure children are provided for (albeit they do it badly), so they would want some follow up. You would only have to pay if it's proven he isn't the father.

And you both have to visit a verified GP with two passport photographs and ID and the swans are taken independently. Trust me, it's not a very nice experience.

Did you not think of looking online

www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/disagreements-about-parentage

Fees for child maintenance cases
You have to pay the test fee of £239.40 if the Child Maintenance Service asks you to get a test because they think you might be the parent. It’ll be refunded if the test shows that you’re not the parent.

The fee will be higher if more than one child is tested.

So, they will ask him to pay

I use to work for the CMG (new CSA). They will only do a DNA if you a pursuing a case and even if you are pursuing a case they will only do a DNA if he says he doesn't think the child is his.
There ends up being 2 DNA test, you are expected to take one as well. You will go along with DC to the GP and you will both be swabbed. XP will go do one at another time.
If the DNA test comes back positive then he will be expected to pay for the test if it comes back negative then the tax payer covers the cost.
In my opinion he's being bitter, he knows that baby is his. Hence why he doesn't want to pay the money for a DNA, he's probably just stalling to pay.
My advice to you is get him on the birth certificate ASAP. Contact the CMG and let him dispute the maternity, he'll soon change his mind when he's told he'll have to pay!

@justgotbanned she wouldn't pay even if it is proven the child isn't his, the tax payer picks up the bill

Am I right in thinking I can pursue the case but also close the case? He knows he will have to pay for it so why he would refuse the one where I would go halves I don’t know but I am very tired of the goalposts being moved. With her being so premature I don’t have the energy for this.

Also I can’t put on the birth certificate without him signing for it can I?

@MeOnScreen I didn't know that. I'm my case it didn't worry me as I knew who the father was, so I never asked who would pay if it came back negative!

OP, you can always call the CMS off. In fact, they actively try to encourage it and this is called a direct pay agreement where the absent parent pays you directly rather than via them. It's risky, as if the father doesn't pay, it takes a while for them to kick start into collect and pay. And no, if he isn't present at registration you cannot put him on the BC. By attending registration, he is signing to say that child is his and he therefore has parental rights. It makes things difficult, such as travelling, so really think if you want him on there.

@Neverbroken unfortunately you would need his signature to get his name on the birth certificate.

You can open a case and close it again. However if he doesn't deny being the father then you wouldn't be offered a paternity test so may be pointless if he doesn't deny. Also an application will cost you £20.
Another good thing about opening a case with the CMG is that you will be told how much he is expected to pay on a monthly basis based on his wage.
The downside is that this could severely damage the relationship between you and your ex.
However if it doesn't look like he will pay either by denying the child is his or by just being awkward then this is what the CMG is here for. Maybe speak to him about it one last time and say you may have no other choice if he continues to be difficult about the whole situation.
He sounds like he has a big wake up call coming.
Well done on everything you've handled so far esp with a new premature baby, you can hold your head up night and congratulations!!

@justgotbanned it’s not a case of me worrying because I don’t know he’s the father. HE IS THE FATHER. It’s a case of 1. This shouldn’t even be a discussion. He knows he’s the father, however he is doing this to be difficult. 2. I wanted to clarify whether I could get the test done without the CMS actually trying to collect maintenance payments from him as I don’t actually want maintenance payments from him but since he wants this DNA and is treating this as a game he can pay.

I don’t explain myself well at the best of times so this probably isn’t clear in my original post.

A lot of men do this, ie, try to cast doubt on the fact that they are the father when they know full well they are. It's pathetic. And you should also not let him get away without paying child support. Your daughter needs that money.

I have a dd who is 10. When her father was living and working here, after turning his back on me and her, I opened a case with CM (or CSA as it was known then). He denied paternity, CSA arranged DNA tests for us all. He didn't turn up, so they presumed parentage. This man has told his own family she's not his. Interestingly, they don't believe him!

I have a friend going through the same thing now with the father of her baby ds.

One thing I would say is, do you really want his name on the BC? It will give him the power to oppose everyday things like getting a passport.

@MeOnScreen I don’t mind paying £20 at all. The way I see it I’ve tried every way to be amicable and he is literally trying in every way he can to make things hard, I don’t really know why. The lesson I have learnt is he’s not the man or father I wanted to believe he was, nor is he showing signs of improvement so it’s best I just proceed.

The conversation you’ve suggested I had with him last night. I said to him just think about how he wants the DNA done and to let me know. He wanted to try and pry into my personal life, accuse me of seeing someone else (this coming from someone who got someone else pregnant - bare in mind we also aren’t together at this point) basically trying to make the conversation about everything else but his daughter or the DNA test. We agreed around a week ago to keep conversations about her.

He’s seen her once in two weeks, he doesn’t even ask how she is but wants to ask me all of that?

I feel so drained honestly. I feel so bad that when everyone told me to leave him I stayed hoping he’d be a better person and so guilty that she doesn’t have a good father.

I don’t want any contact with him after the DNA test and I want nothing from him. I told him as much and he still wouldn’t just do the right thing. The number he has for me I’ve switched off as I’m just trying to hold everything together and move forward, he’s making it too hard.

Thank you, it’s been a journey. Cannot wait until she is home.

@Moomin8 so he could say he doesn’t want her to have a passport why?

@Moomin8 his mom was actually the second person to find out I was pregnant I was living with her at the time. I also think he is only saying it to try and hurt me, the way he has gone about this whole thing I don’t think I could ever forgive him for.

Why don't you want CM though?

XH has never met DS. Demanded a DNA test, too. It came back positive. I collect CM and don't use it for anything. It's carefully invested for my DS - right now as a down payment on an investment flat and in a university fund. That can be life changing money for your DD later. And it's money she's owed.

I also had an 8 week premature DS when XH was dicking me around so I feel your pain. It's just a hassle.

I guess my pride more than anything. I just hate that he would sit there and play these games really. Any of the things she has at the moment I have or other people have brought for her. I’ve never asked him for anything for her, the least you could do after everything we’ve been through is just be decent at this point.

It’s like don’t let her be a burden to you, if he’s doesn’t want her I do. I will love her, like how can you do that to your baby?

@Neverbroken yes I know, I was saying I didn't need to worry either as I also knew who the father of my child was, just like you do. He's just playing a game with you.

If you're wanting no contact with him after the DNA, please don't put him on the BC. He can make it difficult for you to obtain a passport for her, he can prevent you from leaving the country if he doesn't give consent etc. As my daughters father isn't on the BC, I just put father unknown on her application and it went through straight away. However my friend had all sorts of problems trying to obtain one for her child, who's father was on the BC but absent from their lives.

@Neverbroken I'm unsure about the whole specifics of BC rights with fathers ect so looks like @justgotbanned has more experience in that then me. However if you leave it a few years then try to contact the CMG and the baby's father is unknown on the BC then the first question they would be asking is, well if you're sure he is the father why isn't he on the BC? It can make things a lot more difficult and long winded from a maintenance point of you.
For this reason I would definitely just get this sorted ASAP and when the child is as young as possible, and since your baby is only 2 weeks old sounds like you are thinking the exact same.
If I was you I would get the DNA through the CMG. Even if he turns around to you personally and says "I believe I am the father now" I bet he will turn around at a later date and deny it again. Also if you do it privately you don't know what the next excuse he will use will be, probably something along the lines of "oh that DNA was not reliable blah blah blah". At least if you get it done through the CMG it can be completely trusted.

The only thing that may cause you issues is if you go through the CMG and he says he doesn't want a DNA test. He can at a later date turn around and say he doesn't believe he is the father. At this point the CMG will ask him for a reason why, unless he has a reason the CMG will not stop maintenance. However a reason could be as simple as "we had an argument and she told me I wasn't the dad" which could be a lie, but the father has a right to a DNA even if he has said he doesn't want one in the past. In this situation the maintenance will be put on hold until the DNA test is completed. However if he doesn't turn up or is trying to stall the test then parentage is be assumed. If parentage is assumed or the test comes back as positive all money that hasn't been paid because of the hold will be owed back to you.

I get to a point the pride side of not wanting him to pay maintenance. If he doesn't want to pay for his child then f him, I'll do it on my own, I get it!
But your pride is not devalued because you ask the father to support his child, it is his pride that is reputable. Furthermore say in a few years you come into financial difficulty and could really do with the maintenance money to help support your child, the CMG can only back date money to the day you opened the case. So if you only open a case once they child is 5, the money can only be back dated to that date not to when the child is born. If you don't need it then, like it was said above, stick in a trust fund for the child, I bet once the child is older that will be a great pot for the child to go travelling or put a deposit down on their first home or go to uni with!

@justgotbanned oh i see sorry. It seems NC is best at the moment. I’m not saying he can’t be on it in future but with the way he’s handled things so far I don’t see it being a good move.

@MeOnScreen yes the DNA I want done ASAP and everything done and dusted as soon as possible when she comes home I want to be able to focus solely on her. If I have texts from him confirming he wants a DNA test would they do it even if he doesn’t contest he is the father to them?

You’re right, it’s just so hard. He has this view of well if women can’t afford kids why do they choose to have them. This was the first thing he said the other day when I mentioned doing the DNA through CSA, I reminded him never once have I asked you for anything for her and never before have I mentioned CSA but since You want to be disrespectful why wouldn’t I choose an option where I have the least contact with you as possible.

Go for tge CSA and do the same as Rtmhwales has. It's money for his child. Paying maintenance does not give him the right to see the child, nor will it make him want to.

You'll be all over the place at the moment as you're going through a hellish time, start the claim and let him argue the DNA whys and wherefores with the CSA.

Please know you are also free to be unavailable to him - you don't have to take every call, reply to every message or let him visit on a whim. You need to grab whatever rest you can.

@Weezol that’s the plan. Just hope it’s a smooth process.