4 y/o ds will only do poos in a nappy - any suggestions?

[RozzieR]

he potty-trained late (at 3) from cloth nappies, skipped the potty altogether and went straight (well, with a bit of difficulty) to do wees standing up in the loo. he's fine at that, but because he never sat on potty or loo, he never did one by chance while sitting. he'll try, bless him, and sits gamely on the loo while we read stories, sing songs etc, or while we leave him alone to cuddle his mouse (=best friend), but he just can't let it go.

then he had a bad experience when a rather sloppy poo leaked out of a nappy and down his leg, so now he's scared of leaking and insists on 2 nappies, one on top of the other.

oh yeah, and he's smearing his pants all the time. i don't think he's constipated, because his poos are soft, and he says they don't hurt him.

help!

Hello all, interesting reading this as my daughter aged 3 and 3 months will only do poos in her pants and I am so glad to hear I'm not alone in dealing with this! She has been dry since May, then had a couple of weeks with a stomach upset and since then will not poo on the potty.

Have tried rewards, getting her to sit, igoring it but still it persists - yesterday she managed to do a small something in the potty while she was having a wee, got loads of praise etc. and then proceeded to soil three pairs of pants :-( She must have some control over it as she waits until I am out the room to do it. It's not regular either so I can't get her to sit at the same time each day.

I'm sure it's just a case of wait 'til she grows out of it but it is so frustrating to deal with!

sometimes kids get engrossed in what they are doing and basically cant be bothered to stop what they are doing to do something so boring as going to the toilet. They leave it right until the last minute, then oops too late!!!

Have you tried reminding her ie do you need to use the toilet/potty every so often (every half an hour or so).

Perhaps start a star chart as well, so you could say do you need the toilet, if yes she gets a star and a reward at the end of the week if she has so many stars etc

How about one of the dolls that poo and they could go together.

One thing that works for some is to lay a nappy over the potty (obviously this doesn't work with the toilet) and encourage your child to poo on the nappy but also on the potty. This often works as a transition method. You can then lay a paper nappy liner over the potty, or maybe some kitchen towel, once they're using the nappy-on-the-potty.

At this stage they hopefully have moved forward enough to consider using the toilet.

It's slightly concerning that he's smearing his pants as he's certainly sounding like he's holding in it and it's leaking out as Spockle mentioned. That can lead to constipation problems so is to be avoided.

Giving lactulose or fig syrup, or even better just shed loads of fruit (plums are good!) means that he won't get the chance to get constipated and if he doesn't freak then refusing nappies (as opposed to insisting he uses the toilet - he'll figure that out) CAN work but it can also be counter productive so you just have to play that by ear.

I do like the "throne" potties which are very comfy to sit on and some even play music. Because they're not splshing into the loo, some kids who are afraid of the splash manage those better.

Of course, if you can really get to the bottom of the reason for it then it will be easier to move forward. If it's fear of something leaving his body then a book may help, or the pooing on the nappy on the potty as it's going gently!!

If it's a dislike of splashing thenjust pop some paper on the top of the water...

Reminds me of a Ben Elton sketch where he was saying how he went into a public toilet, laid some paper over the water so noone would hear him splash, then he hesitated, then said, "I always wondered if it was just me who did that". Made me giggle (I know, you had to be there!!).

Have just been on hols for 2 weeks so I'm just catching up on the whole poo issue. My DD remains entrenched in her ways with no signs at all of any inclination to poo in the appropriate place.

One of the problems we have is that she poos in a standing up position, on her tiptoes looking for all the world like she is trying desperately not to poo ( which she possibly is or at least used to be). So she doesn't see how its possible to poo sitting down, even though she sees everyone else in our family doing that.

Have tried the nappy on the potty trick with no success. Might try the books to see if that helps. Have phases of feeling despairing and fed up of changing horrible pooey nappies in a 4.5 yr old. Generally try not to get wound up about it though.

I just wish I knew how long this is all going to go on for. If I knew she would start pooing on the toilet in a month or a year or whatever I could deal with it until then. I suppose you don't generally hear of adults pooing in nappies do you ? !!!

i have no progress to report either. still saying 'maybe tomorrow' when we suggest he tries the toilet seat, still wants two nappies on since one unfortunate sloppy poo leaking incident. am fairly sure he's not constipated: he drinks lots of fluid, eats lots of fruit and does a very respectable soft poo at roughly the same time every day, and sometimes two. he rarely skips a day, and if he does he will do two poos the next day. i ask him if they're hard or soft and if they hurt him, and he says they're soft and don't hurt.

he's the same as your dd Alderberry - he does it standing up, and doesn't see how one can do it sitting.

however, my efforts to resolve the problem have just been set back by a miscarriage: at the moment all i can face is letting him get on with it and hoping he'll suddenly sort it himself. i'm not up to a fight at the moment.

Hi RozzieR,
Desperately sorry to hear of your news of a miscarriage. Stuff like that really puts these pooing problems in to perspective doesn't it?

My ds1 is 3.9 and refuses to do poos on toilet. He has been dry in day since about 2.5, but will only do a poo in his nappy at night, lying down in bed. Like your ds, mine is happy to sit on loo and try and have me read stories to him etc, but alas, will not "let go" either.

I have just discovered mumsnet this evening and having spent the last 3 hours reading various mums experiences on this subject, the only thing left for me to try is letting him sort himself out. I guess I just have to accept that this could take a couple of years and give the little guy a chance to get his head round it in his own time. I have to take comfort in the fact that he is not constipated and provided he continues to go every day he will not do himself any harm physically. (I had GP check ds1 out about 3 weeks ago and he confirmed his bowel is not impacted, prescribed lactulose but I have to say this has not made any difference to his routine or poo texture despite taking it regularly for last 3 weeks- can only assume this is because there was not a physical problem to "fix" in first place)

It is really reassuring to hear of other people in same situation and I share your frustration.

I do hope you make progress with ds.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

Rozzie, really sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I remember you saying it was early days but it must be upsetting and disappointing nevertheless. Hope you're doing OK.

My friends dd is 4 and only does poos in nappies..potty trained fine at 2.3, extremely bright clever and normal, HV said its really common

Rozzie very sorry to hear of your miscarriage.

Ds was a late trainer and didn't start till about 3 like your ds. He also found pooing very scary and got terribly constipated by withholding it. He has a wildly high fibre diet, but was somehow holding on, and made himself and us very miserable by it. The feeling of the poo dropping away was I believe what scared him.

We reverted back to him asking for a nappy, like your ds, and waited until he was really comfortable again, then fed huge amounts of fruit and veg one day and stuck on the potty the next morning after breakfast, with a promise of a huge bribe if he could do it (desperate measures in the F&Z household to be offering a bribe ) Hey presto. I think we were lucky. I have read such awful stories of boys getting freaked out by pooing, and making themselves constipated for years I would go very gently if I was you. See if you can get him motivated to do it rather than getting tough about it - it is a very touchy area of control for some children and really mustn't be turned into a discipline / power struggle.

Twig's idea of a book about digestion is good, I think. We have an Usborne lift the flap one about the body which has a page on excreting.

My ds2 is 3 1/2 and also takes his pants off and puts on a nappy to poo. He's even dry at night but becomes very distressed at the thought of doing his poo in the toilet or potty. I also have tried sticker charts, praise and not buying nappies which led t hin getting horribly constipated. I've now concluded that he'll do it when he's ready and am going with it.

My ds aged 3.5 is also the same - just shows how common this is. I have tried bribes, nappy over potty etc, and just taking the nappy away - but he ended up at doctors due to severe constipation. I'm just going to carry on with the nappy for the moment, as I am sure that when he realises that he does not want to lay down to have his nappy changed any more he will just do it. They all get irrational fears about doing things sometimes, and then suddenly they change their minds - too much pressure on them can sometimes make it worse.

we have decided to seek specialsist help, dd is seeing a paediatrician this week. I've been waiting and waiting for her to miraculously decide to poo on the toilet, but it just isn't happening. She is now 4yrs 7 months. The other day she couldn't find a nappy so I decided to test her resolve. I said she had to at least try to do a poo on the loo, ie just sit and not necessarily produce anything, but even that was too much. She became completely hysterical and basically had a huge tantrum until I gave in. Obviously her resolve is much stronger than mine!! I probably shouldn't have given in, but felt I'd put myself in a no win situation.

The paediatrician apparently adds in a bit of senna aswell as the movicol to improve the urge to go and then does a very slow desensitization program of gradually moving towards the toilet. He reckons it can take 12-18 months!!! So I'd better buy some more pull ups....

Don't know if it's any help but just read this thread and the fact that both Adlderberry's and RozzieR's DCs poo standing up, reminded me of a 'standing up to poo' solution that I came across while working in a nursing home. There was one resident who was unable to sit on a toilet or commode and so we used a 'potty' that tucked between her legs so that she could go while standing up. It was sort of 'bow tie' shaped with the 'knot' of the bow tie being the narrow bit that tucked between the legs, and a wider bit front and back to catch wee and poo. Just wondered if something like this might be an intermediate solution that might allow a child to get used to pooing in something that isn't a nappy, without having to also deal with moving from standing to sitting at the same time? And with some imagination perhaps you could then think of a way of gradually moving from standing to sitting....

sounds intriguing (not sure how to spell that!). Where do you think you would buy such a thing?

I'm afraid I don't know. I would think that it was provided by the community occupational therapist following an assessment. Does your GP's surgery have an OT attached to it that you could have a chat to?