How to “reset” screen addict preschoolers

[8by8]

After a difficult few months, DH and I are admitting that we’ve overused screen time to keep the children entertained.

They are 4.5 and 2.5 and watch too much TV, play games on our phones, watch TV on our iPads etc.

We want to massively reduce the screen time, but wondering how best to approach it.

Our eldest could understand if we explain that we’re cutting back (but won’t be happy about it!), but our youngest will just keep crying for CBeebies etc.

I’m wondering whether to cut down gradually, impose a new maximum amount of screen time (and if so how much?), or jut put away all screens for a week to go cold turkey and try to break the habit.

Any advice? Please?

Rather than cutting down you need to increase the other activities. Maybe buy some new toys/games/activities and use those to replace the sceeen time? Stuff like messy play can be good because it's much more tactile and distracting!

Take them out of the house more, and finds loads of other things to do when you are at home.

I always found that a bowl of really bubbly water and some big paint brushes would keep mine busy in the garden for ages. Likewise a large lump of pastry dough and some cutters at the table.

Also - get a routine going, so that screens etc are on for a particular period in the day, and then other things happen at other times - like a timetable.

I agree that there needs to be a fun alternative to screen time.

I think for the most part you’ll just have to cope with the resistance and crying, but you can make it easier by offering and organising fun and new activities to keep them stimulated and distracted - some art activity or new sport equipment to use outside?

Yes increase outings for now, and build screen time into your routine eg 15 minutes before lunch, after tea etc. I've always restricted DS 3.7 TV time to around tea time in the week, which has worked really well. He only tends to ask for it around that time and would rarely ask for it in the mornings. On the weekend we're a bit more ad hoc and it definitely shows as he asks for it more! Hopefully if you build a routine, your DDs will know they have to wait until eg after lunch, tea etc.

About a year ago, I realised my 4yo had become addicted to playing a game on my phone. It got to the stage where he was asking for it constantly, it just slowly dawned on me that it was like a fix, so I totally understand how this has happened to you. I explained to him that i was going to delete it, and then I did. He kicked off at intervals for a couple of days, then forgot about it. Therefore, I’d advocate cold turkey for a few days, replaced by other activities, as PPs suggested. Keep phones and tablets out of sight and the TV unplugged. Say they’re broken if necessary. You need to be prepared to weather the tantrums for a short while. Sorry things have been tough- I hope they’re improving.

It's back to basics time..
Set up alternatives like cutting up the Argos catalogue and sticking it onto a page with glitter glue, bring out the Lego/Playmobil so it is visible and available etc., make dens under the dining table/on bunk beds with sheets or similar, set up a tent den in the garden.. Your aim is to spark their imagination so that they get used to playing again, ideally together. It will take up much more of your time which is the downside! And they will row more
As mentioned above, I'd have a screen time - after tea or before lunch or whatever. Something that signals that they will get it then and shouldn't nag at other times. And stick to it!
Good luck.

Currently Doing this with my just turned 2 year old. He's had some absolutely epic tantrums over it.

He's allowed first thing in the morning, after nap and when I'm making tea. It's still to much but it's not constant. We try to go out everyday as well.

I'm still battling with him but hoping the tantrums will lesson

Cold turkey with ipad and phone games. Have a set amount of TV per day (e.g. three ten minute episodes, or 30 mins of a film), and a set time they have it (when you are making dinner for them, for example).

You will just have to suffer the 2.5 year old tantrum, but honestly they’ll get over it in no time if you are consistent.

You do need to be more organised with alternatives though. Set up ‘stations’ of activities like lego, octonaut toys, a tent made of chairs and a blanket with cushions inside with books to look at, colouring, play dough (if you can bear tidying it up 😄), etc.

They will have to learn to play again when at home and amuse themselves when out, rather than just whining for screens.

Thanks all, this is really helpful.

Yes tbh I hadn’t really thought about alternatives! They have a lot of toys, which they seem to have largely lost interest in.

Maybe I’ll put some stuff away in the loft, get some new exciting toys, and start putting out sort of “stations”/activity tables with tempting things on?

And yes we need more outings, that’s been especially tough (we’ve had health issues, job issues and a broken leg to deal with!) but we could do more of that.

Thanks all, lots to think about.

I did cold turkey too for games.
Just fill their days initially with other things and after a few days you’ll find they get used to it and are able to find things to do themselves.
Get some arts and crafts supplies. There are lots of simple craft ideas on sites like Pinterest.
Water and sand play and just being active playing with balls and on bikes helps too.

And of course the really important thing is that you mustn’t use your phone / iPad when they are around. Out of sight will help with the distraction element.

Hi OP.

First of all, don't feel shit about yourself- it's really hard to keep 2 preschool kids entertained all the time, especially when you've got one that's younger than 4 as they tend to want you to play with them all the time and they can get in a lot of trouble if left unsupervised!

Ours were also having too much screentime and we found when we cut down there was some short-term bad behaviour, especially from the younger one (tantrums etc) but in the long term they are much nicer kids for it.

The first thing I'd suggest is model good behaviour- don't use your phone in front of them too much and not when you're supposed to be doing something else, like playing with them. Definitely don't use it to fill up time on public transport etc- talk to the kids instead, or play a game with them.

Do you allow the kids to use screens when there's "boring time" out of the house, eg on the bus/ waiting at bus stops, at restaurants/ in the car? If so, they're good places to cut screen time- these are times when you can chat and play games with them. They might get a bit bored sometimes but I figure boredom sparks imagination.

As for home, I found allocating a certain time for TV/ iPad (usually in the morning so I can get a bit of a lie-in or in the afternoon when the kids are tired) to be helpful. To make sure the kids stick to it I set an egg timer and told them that when the timer was up the iPad went away or the TV went off. I also don't let them watch YouTube unless I am supervising directly due to dodgy stuff in the autoplay/ autoplay being very addictive. Supervising YouTube is boring so it really put me off letting them go on it!

As for the rest of the time- I planned my day in the morning in rough chunks to make sure we stayed busy and weren't resorting to too much screen time. So, a typical day went something like this:

6:30 Breakfast at table, then some TV afterwards
7:30 Give the kids something to do (eg Duplo), play with them for a bit and then sneak off for a shower
8:00 Get the kids dressed, teeth brushed etc
8:15 Do some crafts
9:00 Walk to a playgroup
11:30 Walk back from playgroup
12:00 Make lunch- get kids to help make it
12:30 Do some baking
1:30 Go to the park/ supermarket/ play dates
3:30 Home, have a snack, watch some TV/ have some tablet time
4:30 Play with kids/ get kids to play with each other, read some stories
17:00 make dinner
18:00 have dinner, then bath and bed for 7.

If you treat screen time as a treat, you can use it's removal as a consequence for shit behavior. This was a great way to stop the tantrums in mine: "The TV is going off when the bell rings. Any moaning about it and there'll be no TV tomorrow". And then always follow through, it worked a treat.

Good luck! It does get easier- my youngest is now 3.5 and plays really nicely with his toys and sister- they're both on a screen time ban at the moment and don't seem to miss it!

Have a look at the Five Minute Mum on Instagram and Facebook.

She has a blog and specialises in activities which are v quick to set up and encourage independent play. Her kids are similar ages and she has some games which are designed for siblings to play together.

Good luck!

@WhatTheWatersShowedMe - thank you, that schedule in particular is really helpful.

Yes, I do feel a bit of a shitty mum at the moment. I am mumsnetting while they watch paw patrol....

@8by8 ah, but that’s RESEARCH. Totally acceptable

A few nights screen free camping, and then only reintroduce screens at the new lower limit? My dh forgot about screens quite rapidly when they have our attention and lots to do.
If your dh is in agreement that it needs changing then he needs to be putting in the grunt work too.
My h loves a good rant that 'something must be done' when parenting issues come up, but does he do the hard yard? Like fuck he does!

@Her0utdoors - yes DH complains any time they’re on screens, but he’s worse for it than I am - we definitely need a team approach on this one.

Camping is a good shout but not practical right now - broken leg!

8, yeah, a broken leg would definitely make it awkward! Lot of reminders to your dh needs to lead by example then!

So DH and I have been talking, I’ve got some toys/activities/outings set up, and we are going screen free tomorrow!

2 things we think will be particular problems though:

1. DC2, who is 2.5, wakes up very early - I tend to stagger through to the living room, and put on tv while I make coffee, we have breakfast, then DC1 wakes up and joins us.....what can I do first thing with a grumpy 2 year old while I’m desperate to make coffee, that doesn’t involve a screen?

1. We’ve been eating our meals in front of the telly (bad I know). But what do you do/talk about with such young kids over meals otherwise? They get bored at the table and keep wondering off without finishing their meals. In nice weather we can have picnics in the garden which they enjoy but when it’s nasty?

Hoping for some more words of wisdom!

I’d keep tv first thing actually, and a slot of screen time before dinner.

We struggled when 2yo became addicted to Peppa pig. We had allowed it almost all day everyday during a stay in hospital (they deserved the distraction and not much else made them smile).

Afterwards reducing it only seemed to frustrate them so we went cold turkey and really increased other fun activities. Really worked hard at entertaining them. It only took 1 day for tantrums to stop and a few days before they stopped asking all together. Now we just make sure we use different types of screen time activities and only at the end of the day so the addiction doesn't start again.

At the table, you talk about what is on their plates, how it grows, how you cooked it, what it tastes like, what colour it is, what letter it starts with, can they think of something else starting with that letter? Can they think of something else the same colour? Then you move on to what you're going to do today (breakfast) or what you've done today (dinner) who\what did you see? What did they like best? What's the weather like? What do you need to wear in this type of weather? Why do you wear that? Just keep up a nice flow of chatter and conversation.

I'm guessing if your eldest is 4.5 s/he will be starting school in September. If so, you might want to get into some habits now which will deal with that transition too.
For now, no screens in cafes, restaurants, waiting for appointments etc. Take a book for them & you or some Playmobil people or a couple of toy cars or something.
Early mornings - are you going to allow your DC to watch TV before school? Ours never have been but then we have to leave at 7.30am to get to the childminder & then work. Ours were always allowed quiet toys upstairs during the week & the toys in their bedroom reflected this. Jigsaws, a kettle, toaster & breakfast set, dressing up clothes. They went through a phase when they were prone to violence towards each other so they had a programme whilst I was in the shower. It was always an episode rather than putting the TV on so the next show came on automatically which helped. At weekends, they are allowed TV until 8.30am. DC2 wakes earlier on the weekend because of this we realised so this doesn't start until 7.00am.

• after school, my two come in, eat a surprisingly large quantity of food & collapse with their tablets for 30 mins before they can do anything remotely

human. They then get another 30 mins before bathtime. When they were younger, I often had them in the bath at 5.40 & then they had an hour of TV from 6.00 - 7.00 whilst I cleared up their tea, got the house straight etc

• use screen time sensibly at other times. We're on a "no screens until after tea" ban here this holiday (they're still asleep so me MNing hasn't been spied!) but we've got a day of rain forecast so I'll put a film on for them after lunch. After all, what better way is there to spend a wet afternoon when you've got no other commitments other than watching a film?

Also, a broken leg for me or the DC is one of my biggest fears as a parent and there would definitely be a lot more screen time if it happened!

I agree with those who just increased other activities.

Rather than make a big deal about screentime just do other things.

TV and tablets do have a place in modern society and it’s the job of us parents to teach our children how to use them properly and safely.

The old mantra still holds true even these days, 90% of a child’s education comes from the parents.