Having more kids 8 years after having 5 quite close together.

[SingletonSeven]

Hello! I'm expecting my first set of twins in just a couple of weeks! Trouble is, I've already got 5 older children aged 16, 14, 12, 9 and 8 (five within 8 years and now there's an 8 year age gap between current youngest and these twins)
The older five are all very close siblings and get on really well and I'm slightly worried about how the addition of twins will affect the family dynamic.

Has anyone else got a big group of children and then a big age gap before more children? If you do, how did it affect the family dynamic and how do you ensure the older ones don't leave the little ones out of things as they get older?

I have no experience but I don't think it would be fair to force teenagers to hang out with toddlers.

I'm sure it will all be fine. Families change and adapt all the time. Just don't fall into the trap of asking the older ones to mind the babies too often.
I have 2 close in age then a 6 year gap before having a 3rd. When he was little they always included him, it was lovely. Now the older ones are teenagers we have to split them up and do different activities a lot of the time because the same things just don't work for everyone any more. Lots of more adventurous teenage things have age or height limits. But you must have to do that already with your age range?

My friend has an 18 and 16 year old then a 7 and 5 year old. They all get on great and are all really close despite there being 'two sets' of kids.

Hi OP,

This happened in my family and worked out just great.

Mum had 5 VERY close together (think a year break between most of them) then had a break for 8 years then had me and my sibling.

From what I can remember I had a bloody lovely time! Oldest siblings taught me loads of things and would take us out at weekends and we had a lot of common listening to their music and sitting with them talking and reading books with them and all sitting round the telly, just general kids stuff. We never felt it was "just us two" as we were always with them all.

But it all depends on the sibling. One was a complete cow but the rest were lovely to me and my younger sibling. I never felt left out. We all went on holidays camping together (the oldest ones would stay at home as they were working and pop down with girlfriends/ boyfriends at the weekend) and generally everything muddled along.

yes we had arguments as all siblings do but that's part of having kids and growing up but these were normally "shouty debates" about the state of politics or news on the telly rather than "I hate your guts".

I don't remember it but my mum did tell me once my second eldest brother used me as a "babe magnet" when I was 3 or 4 cos I was rather cute and was a very happy little thing and the girls thought he was "so cool" looking after his little baby sister LOL!!

None of them were ever "FORCED" to spend time with us. We just kinda "meshed" and liked spending time with us both.

So don't panic! it'll work out ok! xx

@Knitwit99 We do sometimes (and stopping the older ones from taking the younger ones off to do things they're WAY too young or small for!!)

@EmrysAtticus - We wouldn't be forcing the older kids to hang out with the toddlers when they're toddlers! It's when the twins get to 11/12 and their siblings are 19-27 and doing their own independent things, or they've all moved out and they don't get that same super close bond that the older 5 already have. My older brother is 7 years older and my sister is 6 years younger and we're basically only children because growing up we were all at such different stages of life that we didn't really hang out together and now we lead very different, separate lives whereas DH is one of 3 born within 6 years and they're always texting and meeting up and sending each other funny gifts and such. I don't want these twins to feel left out of that.

I'm the youngest of 6.
Eldest 4 are 10-14 years older than me and 1 more 6 years older than me.
My sisters loved having a baby sister.
I was teased by my next oldest brother as a child, but had good relationship with the brother 10 years older than me.
Don't have much in common with eldest brother as he'd left home before I was 5-6.

There's 13&14 years between my partner and his two youngest siblings.(he also has 1 2 years older and 1 2 years younger). He says the younger ones always felt more like cousins than siblings and still do even though they're all adults. I'd suggest trying to get them involved, family days out etc for bonding! But also perhaps accepting that the bond might just not the same.

I wouldn't confuse closeness of age with closeness of relationships. My sister and I are close in age but chalk and cheese and don't have much in common as adults.

Also worked out great for my family.
My brothers and sisters are 10 years older than me and we all had an excellent relationship.
Everything will work out great in my experience

It's when the twins get to 11/12 and their siblings are 19-27

That's going to come down to personality and interests really. My 24 yr old stepson takes his 13 yr old brother to the football most weekends, they go cycling too. My 21 yr old stepdaughter rarely sees him, although they get on fine when they do see each other, there's no dislike, just very little in common.
Your twins are going to be less close, they're not going to be part of the 'tribe', because they will all be moving on by the time the little ones are old enough to be able to be involved.
It won't be terrible, it will just be different. If you're not sad about it and don't make the twins feel like they're missing out then they won't know any different and will be just as happy with the relationship they have with their siblings.

My brother is 7 years younger than me and my mum didn’t want me to “have to look after him” but obviously he was too small to hang out with (5 when I was 12) so essentially we had no real relationship and due to me going to uni when he was 11 and him going off the rails and leaving school at15 we had nothing in common at all until he was about 25 and me 32 but by then we didn’t have any closeness.

That’s a really long winded way of saying beware of not getting them involved with baby care as well as too involved.

Thank you all for your messages of support!! They are much appreciated!!

The twins are here now so there's not much more I can do except bringing them up. The older kids are yet to meet them and some won't until they're almost 3 weeks old!! But I'm sure all will be well! xx

Congratulations, hope they settle well and their siblings enjoy getting to know them.

Wow congratulations OP! I think as mothers we always tend to overthink, beat ourselves up and worry about the negatives. It is what it is - enjoy your lovely newborns, and even if their older siblings aren’t close to them, they’ll always have each other.

@IndianaMoleWoman - I agree! Overthinking is the enemy of all mothers! I'm super glad they're twins, at first I was uber scared because I'd never had twins before and my older kids are just starting exams and S5 (the final year before uni in Scotland) so a really stressful time, but then a friend reminded me that I had my first 3 within 4 years and then the last two were born in the same calendar year. Twins should be a doddle compared to that! And, as you say, they'll always have each other. xx

I had my eldest three very close together and they were 6, 7 and 8 when baby DS was born. I was concerned about how a baby would slot into the family because they had all been fairly independent for some time and far past the baby stage. Worried about starting again with sleepless nights, thought the baby would keep the others up through the night etc.

I was worrying for nothing because it has been absolutely fine. The baby has slotted into family life really well and the older three adore him. He is a ‘good’ baby which has helped, he doesn’t make much noise .