Dealing with difficult questions from son regarding his father

[MavisDavis99]

Hi
My LO is almost 5 and has supervised access with his father due to domestic abuse and mental health issues.
Dad collects him from my house and a member of my family facilitates their time together.
This morning my son said maybe his daddy would come into the house, to which I had to say that wouldn't be happening. This led to difficult questions such as "why can't he come in?"
He also mentioned that his dad doesn't know we have cats, and I explained he does as he lived here for 6 months before we split up (while I was pregnant) and met the cats then. This led to more questions, such as "why doesn't he live here any more?" so I explained as best as I could that sometimes people don't get along and decide not to live together any more. His reply was that we need to fix that

I'm finding it really hard to think of the best way to handle these things in a way that is age appropriate. I don't want to put his dad down at all, but I can't tell the truth, which is that he was abusive, so I had to ask him to move out and then had to call the police because he was abusive when I used to let him back in for contact, so now I can't trust him and don't want him back in my house again.

I'm really conscious of trying to keep things positive so that my son isn't negatively affected and of course not involve him in parental difficulties, but these questions are really difficult, my answers feel inadequate and I'm sure there will be more to come as he gets older.

Any advice on the best way to handle this is welcome.
Thank you.

That does sound hard. I'm not sure at 5 if there is anything much more you can say. I'd be wary of saying too much - do you think his dad made the cats comment or a comment about coming in deliberately to wind you up or manipulate you? What does the supervising person say?

Perhaps women's aid or some of the DA charities would have some advice. The may be a children's book somebody has written which helps him in an age appropriate way? (God knows that sounds unlikely but there are childrens books to help children understand all sorts of family situations.)

Mum and dad glue is a good book for little ones a bit sad but clear, shows that sometimes parents dont get along and a split it better for all concerned.
There are a few others but cant think of them right now.

Thanks Coffeeandchocolate9. I don't think his dad has said anything. He's just a happy little boy who wants to share his world and show his dad things like his toys, pets etc.
At Christmas 2 years ago I facilitated a contact (out of the house) and he walked back with us. My son said "come in and have cake with us", which was so awkward. He said, "Yes, I'd really like that", to which I just had to say "Not today". So hard trying to keep boundaries in place but not confuse and upset my son in the process. He understandably doesn't get why everyone else we know is allowed in, just not his dad. I have had some involvement from DV charities in the past so will look back over their pages. I think the advice they give is fairly basic, not to involve the children or share adult information and to parent amicably (easier said that done as it takes two!).

Thanks, Sunshineandreign I will look for that.
I have 2 books from my divorce over 10 years ago but they're not quite right for this situation as we were already split before my son was born, so he has (or had until now) no concept of us as a family, he has only known life with me as his norm.

Ah in 5hat case mum and dad glue might not work.
Try the big book of families. It shows that families are structured in many many different ways and can open a conversation along the lines of and our family looks like this let's add a page to the book for what our family is like etc.

In that way you dont need to provide an explaination to why your family set up is the way it is, just an answer to this is what our family looks like and that is okay and normal.

Thank you. I will check that one out, it sounds like a good idea.